Money Moral Dilemma: My son wants me to give him £40,000 even though he doesn't need it - should I?

gothvixen

I don't think you should give him the £40,000 and possibly leave yourself short should you need to pay for care in the future, but I do think you've made an unforgivable mistake as far as he is concerned. You've penalised him for his perceived success, and don't actually know what his situation is. Showing such favouritism to your daughter is appalling. You should have divided the money 3 ways, with your children both receiving the same amount. £40,000 at the time of your death will be worth less than it is now. I could never imagine treating my 2 sons differently based on my opinion of their financial situation, because I love them equally.

BridgeBourne

Hard one. Your money, your choice but I agree you should have had a discussion before you did what you did. My partner is giving more in his will to the youngest members of the family and those who need it most. But the family already know. It has been discussed in advance.

llewdiskram

My opinion although doesn’t mean anything is that you should have split it equally. No one should be penalised for being in a better position, unless you discussed it with your son and he agreed it is better for her to have it now.

We will never know the finer details, but I do think it’s unfair and I hope it doesn’t happen, but I hope your daughter will be repaying the favour if you ever needed it.

Sleazy

Your daughter needed help, your son didn't. If he had needed help, you'd have done the same for him.
I do get the point about inflation though - £40000 now might only be worth £30000 in a few years time, although doesn't sound if that would matter to your son (except in his mind).

It's your money. Do what you want, and don't be bullied.

bikaga

Agree with the comments stating that conversation should've happened earlier, and especially the ones about inflation. Can you correct the will to say the equivalent of the buying power of 40k at the time? Or 40k + a few % for each year or something like that?

Or maybe you could have a chat with your son and do a combination of giving him a smaller sum now and the rest from your will?

It's not great of your son to ask for everything now without providing a good reason, I probably wouldn't do that. But I do understand him being upset, too.

ripongrammargirl

Wow! How entitled does your son think he is? It’s your money, not his. What does he want £40k for if he has a good job and house- holidays, bills, illegal activities?
The mind boggles. In the words of Simon Mayo on his radio show- “Jog on!!!!!”

elsien

You can’t resolve it without causing bad feeling because the bad feeling is already there. However well meant you have favoured one child over another, and that does rankle regardless of the amounts involved. It may also cause a rift between your children in the future. 

There isn’t any easy answer to this one because he shouldn’t be demanding the money, but I can see why he’s miffed because in his situation I would be as well. It’s not about the money itself, it’s about the perceived favouritism towards one sibling over another. 

 And there is no guarantee as other people have said that there will be 40 K to give him after your death.
catch 22 because there isn’t an easy answer, so it’s just about honesty and trying to make sure it doesn’t lead to a falling out any more than it already has.

vienna28

If you were willing to give away £40,000 you should have given them £20,000 each. 

rustler1964

This is a tough one now.
The truth is you should have had a family chat all together to discuss this before any decisions were made and money handed out.
This way everyone would be in possession of all the facts and everyone would feel equal.
unfortunately now there is bad feelings that you have to put up with as you have shown favouritism to your daughter.
I have to agree with the last two posts.
if you could let some money go to help you children then it should of be equal to both.

LightFlare

The issue is that your daughter has 40k towards a property than will gain in value over the years.
So if that’s 20% of the house value now, that 20% might be worth 100k in when you die
Son still only gets 40k which the equivalent value of which might be 20k or less