Money Moral Dilemma: My son wants me to give him £40,000 even though he doesn't need it - should I?

Keep_pedalling

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

After selling my recently-deceased dad's house, I gave my daughter £40,000 as a deposit on a house. As my son has a very good job and already has a house, I had my will rewritten to say that he will get the first £40,000 from my house when the time comes, to make things fair. But my son wants the money now, which I could just about afford to give him, but I don't want to as he doesn't need it and it wouldn't leave me with much. How do I resolve this without causing bad feeling?

You need is greater than his so he will just have to suck it up. 

That is a terrible will clause though, he won’t get the £40k if you no longer own a home on your death.

pjcox2005

Your money and you can do what you want with it, but under the current terms you have clearly treated your daughter differently to your son. Whether that's a one off, or feels to him a culmination of you supporting your daughter with him "missing out" we don't know. Some siblings get annoyed at parents supporting others, some see it as right and normally depends on whether the sibling is trying hard or perceived to be taking advantage of it.

He may need the money or he may feel it as just a point of principle, and that may cloud his judgement even though he knows he's not entitled to it.

You can explain your logic or tell him tough that's what's happening and then he has to decide whether he wants it to sour a relationship or let it go. The one thing i wouldn't do is claim it's equal because as others have pointed out cash now is very different to a potential receipt of cash with substantially less value in the future when he may need it less or get to enjoy it less (e.g. a big family trip now may be bigger than receiving cash as you approach 70).

Hope it all works out.

Marvel1

The problem was giving your daughter £40,000 now.

In the future the first £40,000 may not exist.

roubiliac

I think you should allow for his £50K to increase by CPI until you die to be fair.

sheramber

If you need to go into care there may not be £40,000 left to give your son. Even if ther eis the money will have less value in the future than now.

While you can choose what you do with your money I htink you are being very unfair to your son. 

Only you can decide 
.

SunbeamSunshine

I don't agree with him demanding the money.... but understand totally how he feels. Been there. Such decisions usually follow a pattern of favouritism...I hope your communications go well

Peter_Vince

No.  It's your money, for you to enjoy your retirement, and you may NEED it.  Your son has a house and a good job, he doesn't need it like your daughter did.

Jazz4

I think you need to consider the previous points then have an honest conversation with your son. Explain why you made the decision you did, and why you don't want to give him the money now. Base your decision on his response - maybe he'll explain why he needs the money now; maybe he'll say he'll wait. 

Or maybe you could start to give him the £40k in instalments, so that you aren't immediately left without it, and the potential loss of value over years can be avoided or at least reduced.

scrummy-mummy

This happened to me. Not once, but a few times. my Grandparent, my Uncle and one of my parents. Apparently I was doing well enough. Did I need the money as much as my sibling? No. But do I feel upset that my relatives wishes weren't followed by those who were responsible for distributing their assets, most definitely. And yes it caused a lot of bad feeling and completely soured some family relationships, some irretrievably.

HolidayHelp

I actually think that's a terrible way to treat your son. You should have split what you could afford equally between all your children now. 
He could invest that 40k in a decent S&S Isa and turn it into around 80k in those years.