Money Moral Dilemma: My son wants me to give him £40,000 even though he doesn't need it - should I?

William_Joseph

It is your money to as you wish with. There is no should or should not about it. It is about what you want to do and it sounds as though you do not want to at this time.

Grouchiest

This was a terrible decision.  Far too many things could happen between today and your death which could be 20/40 years away. To provide a potential remedy you should link the £20k to average house in the area where’s she’s now purchased.  Do not leave yourself short as it’s your cash.  Do make a solicitor executor of your will. If you don’t have one make it a priority with proper advice

lpp1980

It's your money, but I'd always try to treat my kids equally and fairly. I think you've made a rod for your own back sadly. How did you expect your son to react, when you decided to give his sister £40k, and not him? The £40k promised to him in the future, won't be worth what £40k is today, thanks to inflation. Could you give him £20k now, and perhaps a bigger share on death, of £30k, to account for inflation?

Binnie001

Just a thought on the giving of the £40k. Mortgages are lent on income, deposit, whether you can afford to pay it back. Maybe based on those factors the daughter needed that amount in order to secure the mortgage for the property. 

Cambsmum

I agree with others, the unfairness has already happened. Presumably you financed them with the same educational opportunities so it is not up to you to make thing equal if one has done better than the other in life.  

It is your money, but if it was an inheritance it was money you did not have before and you managed. Only you know your finances but I would not want my child to feel this level of hurt. 

nyokadjinn

to treat your children equally you only need to "help out" either of them when they need it, imo. Your son sounds as if he is being somewhat self-centred; if you give him the money, will he give it back in the event you need it ?
I agree you may not know whether he is as well off as you presume, but it seems he only wants some money because his sibling has had some ...
I would warn him that he might not get any inheritance (now or later) if he carries on expecting his variety of fairness.
However, on the subject of your care it does make sense to have given away most of your assets 7 years before you need it in order for it not to all get swallowed up in care costs !! [as always, the very rich don't care; the poor have no options; but those in the middle are left with these tricky decisions !]

Cummincorriander

I can appreciate  your son's  concern. If you need to go into care when you are older it could easily  swallow  up the value of your estate so that there won't  be £40 000 left for him to inherit. That said, it's  vital that you protect your financial  future especially  as you've  said  that giving him it now will leave you 'just about able to manage'. Don't  succumb to his selfish request. It's your money to do as you feel best.

Kerri23gan

The money is yours and he cannot demand it. Ask him why he wants it but also explain why you don't want to give it to him. You helped your daughter but that doesn't mean your son is entitled. Good luck.

IanC9999

What son "want's" verse what some gets is an entirely different thing.
My response would be, "I've made my decision, write your response in this piece of paper, after reading it I will decide weather to alter my will as described or give you only what you are entitled to under the law."
Ungrateful chap, many don't even see £40k in a will, and this boy is getting there FIRST £40k.

Jason9091

The moral to most of these types of "money moral dilemmas" is to think things through properly before you do anything. It's often very difficult (or impossible) to correct a bad situation.