Money Moral Dilemma: My son wants me to give him £40,000 even though he doesn't need it - should I?

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Comments

  • If you gave your daughter £40k then why not your son? You say he doesn't need it but that isn't the point; you are showing favouritism and this can only lead one way.

  • sclare
    sclare Posts: 105 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    So you're offering him money that might not exist when you die as it may well be taken for care costs, or at best will be worth a fraction of what it is now. 
    You've also damaged not just your relationship with him, but probably the relationship between him and your daughter. 

    Should he be pestering you for the money? No. But there's no getting away from the fact that you've shown favouritism here. You should have taken advice before doing this. 

    I don't know what the answer is now. You can't leave yourself without, in order to even it up. I can only suggest that you apologise for your thoughtlessness and assure him that he is loved as much as your daughter. Because he'll be doubting it right now. 
  • Let's start with one particular fact - IT IS YOUR MONEY - NOT HIS!  He has no "right" to ANYTHING!  I totally disagree with anyone who says you have been unfair.  Your daughter is in need now and what parent would not help out.  
    Let me tell you my story - my brother is 10 years old and extremely wealthy in his own right, through his own hard work.  Sadly, I am in a much poorer financial position due to the fact that my late ex-husband drank away everything we had and never told me he was not paying the mortgage, hiding the repossession Court papers from me, and then he walked out when I found out we were being repossessed (too late for me to do anything to stop it).  At 40 I had to start all over again, but I never asked anyone for any help and got back on my feet by myself, although I will never be financial comfortable.
    Our mother died and left a very small amount of money to be shared between us - did my brother need it (a little over £2k), did he hell!!!  He had a property portfolio, a huge detached house and grounds mortgage free.  But did I dare suggest I needed his £2k - no way!!! My mum did what she wanted with HER MONEY, and it was not for me to argue.

    So you do what you feel is right WITH YOUR MONEY - and blow what anyone else says!
  • I do not understand why you gave your daughter such a large sum leaving yourself short of money, I know you wanted to help her with a deposit for a house but by doing that you have created an unpleasant situation between you and your son and your son and his sister. I think you would have been better giving them £20,000 each if you wanted them to have some of your fathers inheritance now, and leave yourself with a sum of money for your future. Your son may already have a house but his mortgage may be quite high, especially after all the interest rate increases. He is being rather rude and insensitive demanding his share from your money but unfortunately you set a precedent when your gave your daughter the £40,000. If your daughter has not yet bought a house could you explain things to her and suggest the £40,000 is shared between her and her brother? To tell him he will get his £40,000 when the time comes after your house is sold is a bit unknown as others have said, you may need to go into care and that will have to be paid for from the sale of your house, or the £40,000 will not be worth that amount in years to come. Sadly a good but not totally thought out gesture has caused bad feelings, I hope you can sort things out without giving up all your inheritance, after all your father left his money to you, not his Grandchildren. 
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