Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my daughter she needn't have me over next Christmas?

Agent57

Once again - not enough info to go on.

Curious statement for the daughter to say "how expensive hosting is now" rather than just how expensive food/shopping/presents are.

Does she employ caterers or order the food in ready prepared?

How long do you stay for?  
I doubt you stay for weeks feasting on swan and fine wines.
Would like to see a breakdown of what the extra expenses are.

Christmas does not have to be expensive although I acknowledge all prices are rising.

Ask her what the expenses are and offer to contribute or say 'Don't buy item that on my account.'

Cambsmum

Maybe you need a conversation about what she really wants. Does she want a small Christmas with just hubby and children? When my children were small I longed for this but always hosted. If it is the money you could make a donation. I spend Christmas with one if my daughters but always help out with the cost.

lidl_1

well you are fully aware of what she provides each christmas so its easy for you to supply something she normally puts on the table.... tell her  TELL, dont ask!, in advance and do it

LAMBS60

Do a Secret Santa instead of buying presents for everyone (if you do )
Give her a voucher for the shop where she buys food
Otherwise , check with her for what she’d like you to do . Bring one course with you ( a starter , turkey/pork , bring prepped veg , bring a cheeseboard and biscuits, buy or make puds or mince pies ( do those at your leisure and freeze the pies , the pudding will keep in a cold place )   cream and custard . Bring crackers  for the table .To spread the costs for yourself , a couple of months before , start buying large bags of crisps and other nibbles each week with your shop , buy a bottle of Prosecco or spirits when there is an offer on . 
Hopefully , you do something like this anyway . One person staying at home won’t keep costs down really, it will just make your daughter feel guilty. 

ambioni

why is hosting one extra person (you) so much more expensive? presumably she would already be paying for all costs associated with making Christmas day special for her husband and children including food, drink etc. so I don't see how adding one extra person ramps up the cost so much. you could always offer to contribute by buying some of the food and drink, it's what a lot of families already do.

Edina_Typhoon

TALK TO HER!  There's so much information we don't have here.  Why do you always stay with the same daughter?  How long do you stay?  Do you help with the workload while you're there or do you get waited on hand and foot?  Do you make any financial or material contribution?  Are you skint or comfortably off?  Would your grandchildren be devastated if their grandmother wasn't there at Christmas?  What nice things could you do instead at Christmas?  Basically,  talk to her and maybe talk to your other daughter(s) too.

Pollycat

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

Since my husband died, I've spent Christmases with one of my daughters and her family. This year, she said several times how expensive hosting is now, and I felt she'd rather just have been with her husband and kids. Should I volunteer to stay at home on my own next year to spare her the expense, even though I'd probably feel lonely?

Maybe she was just hinting that she'd appreciate a bit of help with the costs.

Kayky

1- was it a hint because she didn’t want to ask for a contribution outright?
2- do you ever “host” her entire family?
3- other family members-what are their positions? Why are you always at this particular daughter’s? 

4- maybe try to discuss next year’s arrangement alternatives well in advance & with the whole family- surely something can be sorted! 

 Feels a little unfair to me! 

Good luck 👍

pollypenny

How could one person make a significant difference?   Surely you bring something, anyway. 

herringgull

It may be that she is doing extra for visitors and would just limit what she does if it was only her and the kids if she's saying that hosting is expensive. If it's that simple maybe you can help by supplying some of the essentials (not the optional extras or special treats). However, you need to find out what the real issue is, if she and the kids would be happier with chicken nuggets and chips  instead of turkey for example...it's also a lot of effort and if she's working it may be she needs to just chill out and have a rest.