Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my daughter she needn't have me over next Christmas?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

Since my husband died, I've spent Christmases with one of my daughters and her family. This year, she said several times how expensive hosting is now, and I felt she'd rather just have been with her husband and kids. Should I volunteer to stay at home on my own next year to spare her the expense, even though I'd probably feel lonely?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

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Emmia

Could you do Christmas with the other daughter instead? 

anxiousnow

Assuming she invited you, and you didn't just rock up?    

Other ideas to opting out and spending it alone:

Are you in a position to host?

Could you offer to bring a dish or help out with the food somehow?

Is there an opportunity to alternate with the other daughter you've mentioned?

There's every chance she didn't mean her comment about the expense of hosting quite like that. 

Spendless

I think she's saying she's finding funding it difficult and would appreciate a contribution rather than she doesn't want you there. 

coffee_cake

Are you able to contribute in a small way, e.g. buying the pudding or another part of the meal?  Obviously depending on your finances as well.

sammyjammy

My sister and I are both single without children and therefore return to our parents most Christmas', its an expensive time with all the eating and drinking, we bring whatever we drink and give a financial contribution to the food so you could try this.

On another point I know its different for everyone but an alone Christmas is a delight for me, do what you want and eat what you want!

Florafauna

Chip in with some cash or offer to buy the turkey /drinks etc

Marvel1

Are you contributing money wise? If not then no wonder she is saying its expensive.

enthusiasticsaver

Or you could offer to contribute something like some food/drink or cash? She may not have meant it like that but if you have other daughters why are you going to the same one each year? 

theresacoo76

Is it that expensive to host your mother? 

Maybe just give them a year off. 

Marcon

Ever thought about talking to her and clarifying?

Instead of deciding now that you'd sit at home feeling lonely if you didn't go to your daughter, you could always volunteer to go and help someone less fortunate than yourself...