Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my daughter she needn't have me over next Christmas?

twopenny

Your daughter would feel terrible.
The cost is going to be largely for her family. I doubt you eat as much as all of them together. 

The suggestions here are good. 
Only reason not to go is if you would like to take a holiday at this time, be with another family member or friend.
I've had some lovely Christmases on my own but the best have been trips to the sun and getting away from the mayhem.
Coaches do Christmases with food and entertainment.

[Deleted User]

Please don’t stay at home on your own on Christmas Day. I’m sure your daughter and grandchildren love having you over and that the comment was an innocent one. People often say things without thinking how it might be interpreted. Assuming you haven’t already been doing so, I would buy some items for the family Christmas dinner myself. You could do this online and have it delivered direct to your daughter’s house a few days before Christmas. Probably better to stick to non-perishables like drinks/Christmas pudding rather than risk doubling up on your daughter’s shopping! Having the items delivered will mean your daughter can’t refuse them; just make sure you ring or text her just before the delivery is due! If you are on a tight budget yourself you could consider putting a set amount of money aside each month so it doesn’t come as such a shock when December arrives. Hope this helps.

Joan85

Lots of good suggestions on here already about talking to your daughter, making food/drink contributions etc and whether your daughter may just like a relaxed Christmas with just her own home family. As a widow myself I can see it from both sides - am always invited, but sometimes there's a danger of it becoming a ritual/obligation. I will always contribute food and/or drink, but try to mix up Christmas a bit, including sometimes doing voluntary work - there's normally laid on dinners for those alone, the homeless, in a care home where you can volunteer - you won't feel lonely, will get a buzz out of helping and, as a bonus, normally get a Christmas dinner as well.

RuthKosminsky4444

What my family does is that we all contribute towards the costs by everybody bringing some food. This depends on everyone's income and food taste; somebody might be vegetarian. This eases the burden on the person whose home we are visiting—usually the one with the most space. As there are a few of us, heating is turned down-we are quite warm. And a lot of the food is pre-cooked; it just needs a gentle warm-up. This cuts down on gas and electricity. We have been doing this for a few years now. And it has worked out well.

You don't mention why you don't visit your other daughter.  I'm sorry if things are stained between you. If things aren't strained, I'm sorry if I've missed the point-contact your other daughter a bought Christmas. Your first daughter might be worried sick a bought the cost of living.

Poundnpenny101

I'd never dream of asking my own Mum to contribute financially to a meal I'd invited her to and I certainly wouldn't want her to be alone. I think you should broach the subject with your daughter, she may have just needed to have a little vent about how expensive Christmas is and I'm sure she'd feel awful about unintentionally making you feel uncomfortable.

primrose_penguin

I used to love having my parents to stay for Christmases as they lived about a 5hr drive away they would stay for about a week, so I would not think your daughter meant she didn't want you there. I do think you should contribute towards the cost though as you would be buying food if you were in your own home anyway, and help out while you are there if you are able. If you have more than one daughter/son perhaps you could take it in turns to go to each. I personally would not mind spending Christmas on my own, but we are all different. If you have a Salvation army or similar where you live you could always volunteer to help out, serving meals etc. on Christmas day to those less fortunate, I am sure you'd enjoy it and it would give you a really good feeling as well as bringing happiness to others.

newt1234

Obviously leave a financial contribution.

IrishRose12

Is it only you that is extra for her "hosting"?? If it is then your daughter is very selfish and needs to have a word with herself.

I have my mum every year for Christmas Dinner.  I would never have her sitting alone at home, especially at Christmas.  

If your daughter is using the pathetic reason of 'money' one extra person at the table is not going to cost her any extra money.

My mum does offer to buy the turkey, or will buy a small food shop when we're out buying our Christmas shop etc however I would never ever expect her to pay anything.  I'm just grateful that my mum is still here with us.

Also this silly excuse of 'a family Christmas'  you're her mother, you're her family, and one extra person isn't going to ruin Christmas.

Personally I'd be asking her what she meant by her comment. And as her parent I'd be setting her straight also. If it weren't for you, she wouldn't be here today and she wouldn't be having her family as it is.  

ripongrammargirl

I’m confused as to why it costs so much to have your mum in the house at Christmas? Does she eat her weight equivalent in roast potatoes/cheese etc?!! Does she leave all the lights and heating on all day and night? Does she have long expensive showers/baths with lots of their “luxury” products?
More info required here as one older lady should not make it more expensive.
Some people need to get a grip on what expensive or poverty really means and cut their cloth accordingly, eg the average amount spent on child’s gifts from parents is £460?!!! Really? Now that is unnecessary expense.

Geenniebabes

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

Since my husband died, I've spent Christmases with one of my daughters and her family. This year, she said several times how expensive hosting is now, and I felt she'd rather just have been with her husband and kids. Should I volunteer to stay at home on my own next year to spare her the expense, even though I'd probably feel lonely?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

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How about offering to host Christmas yourself next year?