Watty's Awakening

PennysIntoPounds

"No thank you. Please don't contact me again unless absolutely legally essential"

I would say go to the show, let VNM and your friends know you're a bit anxious and that they need to have your back just in case he appears, enjoy your day as best you can with your head held high because you are a kind, intelligent, capable person who has achieved so much, not least rebuilding your life, and marvellously, after this twisted individual's years of trying to make it otherwise. 

KajiKita

Your, ‘I feel sick’ reaction, says it all for me. 

Don’t reply, tell VNM and friend that you need your back covered at the show and go and enjoy yourself. 

How come ex even knows that you won’t be competing though ….? 🤔

KK

Bargainhunter30

badmemory said:

to do list

firstly ignore

second make sure home is secure or even leave someone in residence (not VNM as unfair to him)

three forget he exists, he is just trying to wind you up.

Anyone else feel free to add 4 onwards

Four go have a picnic, a couple of glasses of wine to relax and enjoy time with the important people in your life.

He is probably messaging to check you are still on the hook. Maybe his life isn't going so well. He has no right to message you. After all the procedures you went through to get away from him, no sane person would think it is ok to stay in contact with you. 

Take care of yourself x

savingholmes

I would have no contact. 

On the dog part it is anxiety provoking and unsettling for the dog as shown when  my Ex brought my ex dog back a few times when it suited him. The dog was confused and anxious. We'd parted on OK terms but it was still a bad idea. I said no to future suggestions.  I refused shared custody of the 🐕 too as I wanted a clean break. I still miss her but 'c'est la vie.'

HTH. 

Commiserations on CC. Hope you find a solution you are comfortable with. 

Watty1

I love this forum and you all so much.    Thank you all for chipping in.      I just left it to think about how or what to do or not to do yesterday.   I got sucked in because it all seemed so nice and reasonable and yes I am sure he is missing WattyDog and so he had a hook in.    However he did choose to leave WattyDog behind as many of you pointed out.

The ex knows I love the show and the cobs and the native ponies are on the same day  and I usually go that day to watch so the odds are high I would go.  He may not have thought i would have the confidence to give a class a go but it is possible that the neighbour he met recently by chance at the hospital said something. So I'm thinking (a) someone we both know said something or (b) he made a guess based on knowing me.

So what to do.   After reading the very wise counsel on here I have decided to tackle this before the show and plan for the show.  Yes, I am still going to go and I don't want to be feeling fretful all day about bumping into him so I am going to reply that it will be inappropriate to meet up and I would prefer that we did not meet as it will be unfair on WattyDog

Having done that I know he will be there so I have made a plan.  I  am a life member of an agricultural society that has a members tent so I can plan to spend part of the day in their area watching the main ring rather than the classes i would normally watch.  It is a shame to miss them but it will be better for my mental health to avoid him and I have two members tickets so the VNM can join me there.  I will tell the VNM I do not want to bump into the ex and so we need to have a plan and that will involve a large part of the day in the members area and walking WattyDog away from the main rings.

beanielou

Glad that you have a plan. 

LadyWithAPlan

You sound very wise ! Helped by all the commenting no doubt. 

Yes he is being very unfair on the dog and you! 

However when has he demonstrated being kind, fair and thoughtful to either of you in the last few years?? 

Keep that harsh but very honest truth front and centre. What he wants is always more important than treating other people and dogs kindly. We all know that x 

Yes glad you can have a good day despite all 

daisy_1571

forewarned is forearmed.   Glad you know in advance and can make plans.  Hoping its a fabulous day and any encounters are dealt with smoothly

Dxxx

Watty1

Update:  I messaged and had a very peculiar message back so I rang and explained the situation very clearly. That we would not be meeting up under any circumstances and that for the sake of the dog I wished him to stay well clear and he informed me his life situation has changed and that he is now in a position to look after WattyDog.

I would like to say that words failed me but they did not. Instead I said all I've possibly wanted to say for a long time along the lines of I just dont get why he is sitting there bleating about his health and his income when he has an excellent job and a gold plated pension and that frankly he royally screwed me over and that WattyDog is not something to pick up and drop as suits him.    I felt so much better for saying that and he has agreed to go another day and so avoid us.  (Dont know if he will but I think he might as he has texted to confirm that).

Really proud of self for saying all that calmly. He really is a total (insert whatever word you like) which is why he is my ex and I am happy and should really be working to pay the bills instead of being on here nattering away   Going back to work but thank you all so much.

Cherryfudge

Wow go you, @Watty1! Fantastic response.