Watty's Awakening

Watty1

@Slinky  I did recall someone's cautionary tale and asked that question and he said "decades and decades" and the dental nurse suppressed a laugh when thinking out loud I wondered if I had decades and decades left

Watty1

I heard the front door, I felt panic rising and my heart beat faster and I actually could not find my voice to call up WattyDog.  It turned out only to be the letterbox and Reform shoving a flyer through (the letterbox is a new thing, added during the renovation work as previously there was one in a side gate no one could find)

It made me realise how much damage the ex did with his comings and goings.  I will talk about this more in a therapy situation but I am just putting down a marker that maybe there will be a new house for us.   No hurry but I think it might be good for me.  The panic was unexpected. 

PennysIntoPounds

Oh Watty, that sounds horrible. Sending hugs. Good that you identified it and owned it and that you're thinking of psychological and practical options. Do you have your security cameras set up? Have all the door locks been changed? 

daisy_1571

Unexpected noise is always a bit panicky.  Probably you wouldn't have been as jumpy if you hadn't just had contact. 

Hugs xxx

Ramouth

I don't mind people like tradesmen and farriers being late - to me it is a sign that they would rather finish what they are doing well then rush off to get to the next appointment on time.  It is annoying when they don't show up at all though!

beanielou

Sorry that you had such a reaction.Horrid.

savingholmes

Sorry you are experiencing this.

Therapy sounds good. I 'see' a counsellor regularly - usually by phone since moving. I find it helps nip things in the bud.

On the house only you know whether it's right to stay or move. I'm enjoying living in a new house with fresh memories even if it requires work. I wrote myself lots of pros and cons lists including my Mse diary and private journal.  Think what do you get by staying, what do you hope a new place would offer that your current place doesn't... Similarly what would you lose from either decision? Are there any other steps you could take where you are now that would increase your sense of safety?

Watty1

PennysIntoPounds said:

Oh Watty, that sounds horrible. Sending hugs. Good that you identified it and owned it and that you're thinking of psychological and practical options. Do you have your security cameras set up? Have all the door locks been changed? 

Yes the locks and cameras are all sorted but in my panic I did not think to check the cameras and there were times in the past when the front door was stuck and the ex didn't really try pushing it but just stood there rattling his keys in the lock and then kicking the door.

The whole experience has been interesting though.    For various reasons my brain seems to have excused his bad behaviour but this has somehow bought home to me some of the reality of what happened.   Almost like it was so awful it can only be faced in small chunks.

debtfreewannabe321

Morning Watty I'm just catching up. 
I can empathise with the ex and the abuse (mine was sometimes physical as well as psychological and emotional) and for years after I was always very jumpy. We have kids together -3 and the ex would let himself into MY house after we'd broke up. I remember one time I'd gone to collect the kids from school and he was due to collect them at 6 so I had time to get them home, feed them, change them, have them by the door.
He'd knocked off work early. Let himself into my house, had gone through my post, my drawers, wandered around the house. I felt sick when I saw his car in my spot on the drive. I knew what he was doing. My voice and body were shaking as I went in. And he was calm as anything and reminded me and the children that his maintenance actually pays for this house so therefore it's his. And I shouldn't forget that. I wish I'd been brave enough to get a restraining order. The abuse was so subtle I missed it all. I'm glad you're aware of it because you can plan (like the show and meeting up or not with your ex) I was always blind sided. Gawd I could tell a hundred stories of how my ex painted me as crazy (after he'd gaslighted me that way) and how he was the decorated soldier putting up with me ... Even my neighbours would always ask how he is because he'd collect the children in uniform each time painting himself the hero. And me nuts.
Now I've moved he has no control (which is what it's all about for your ex and mine) I keep conversations short. Sharp. To the point. I have no niceties with him - my children feel sorry for him and think I am a !!!!! But hopefully one day they will see through it. 
The best thing you can do is remove all control from him. And cut him off. They feed off our reactions. 
The biggest change for me was moving and also moving my DP in who is bigger than him - he couldn't square up to him like he did me. 

Anyway we could exchange stories all day I'm sure but neither of us need reminding of EXs (they belong in the past)....🙈 But I empathise. A lot. 

I hope you get CC sorted and also your poor toothaches there's nothing worse than continual pain...it seems to take over your every thought sometimes. ❤️

teapot2

It does sound like you had a trauma response Watty x