Watty's Awakening

Watty1

I'm sure I would be very rich if I did not have horses!   I sometimes think "what if" and I would probably sell up, pop everything into storage and buy a camper van and travel the world. Although I would need to be animal free for that and I bet after a month I would hanker after a home with land and animals, the grass always seeming greener until you get there

@flowrypot thank you for the message. Will investigate.
     

Watty1

The VNM has been on "mother duties" for the last few days and so I have had a lovely opportunity to catch up with myself at work.  (Lots of drama there and although I was nearly sucked in I managed to catch that and side step). 

I've watched absolute rubbish on the TV, enjoyed a very nice glass of wine late evenings and this morning finally feel restored enough to get back to house renovation and management and living in the house rather than just dashing around.

Before breakfast I cleared a wardrobe and added more stuff to the boot of the car to donate. I have been very mindful as I did this of what I would like the rest of my life to be like.  I still have another wardrobe and the drawers to do but it felt very therapeutic.  Much of the stuff had just been thrown in cupboards when the carpet was cleaned with no real thought.   Hopefully I can finish the wardrobes over the next couple of days. 

Watty1

Wise people I need some help.    CC was due to compete at a local big show but obviously we will not be going to that however the ex has been in touch by WhatsApp telling me which day he is going and asking if CC will be there (it has clearly deliberately picked the day of CC's classes) and saying he will be watching the class and asking if I'm not competing that he would like to catch up with WattyDog.

Now I feel sick at this.  I don't want to meet him but I really wanted to watch the class.  I will most likely have friends with me, certainly the VNM but most likely the pal who was coming to groom for me.  

My instinct is to reply saying I don't think it is appropriate to meet up, that I would prefer to watch the class on my own, with friends and with WattyDog.  I am struggling because I feel some guilt over this for reasons I am not realy clear on.  not sure what to do now.

Cherryfudge

I don't think you actually have to reply at all, and as he's left WattyDog with you, surely that indicates he's given responsibility for him over to you? He made those choices that led to you going your separate ways, and whatever appealing terms he couches it in, he's trying to get back in touch and that's not going to be for your benefit.

It's perfectly okay to say nothing, or reply that you don't feel it's at all appropriate to meet up and you had already made plans for the day that you want to honour.

Could the guilt be because he's phrased it in a very clever way that makes you feel as though he's just being nice and missing the dog? Because he's actually abandoned the dog - vet bills and all - with you.

Slinky

Given how distressed Watty Dog was when he left by your ex, I would suggest it's not appropriate for him to be meeting up with either of you again. I would perhaps respond with something short, to the point that he should respect you both by steering well clear, for the sake of the dog.

daisy_1571

I understand your guilt.   You feel he's missing the dog and empathise because you are a reasonable human being. 
 
I like what i call 'I have 2 choices'.  It simplifies things.  Break every scenario down to its basest level.  Answer that then go on to the next level until there's no more choices to make.

You have 2 choices.   Go or dont go.  If you go you'll have 2 choices, spend all day knowing he might appear, not enjoy the show as you can't concentrate for being jumpy and you'll be looking over your shoulder all the time or decide you can handle it and try to put him out your mind till he actually appears.

If you can decide between the '2 choices' scenarios above then you can think about the responding issue.  If you are going to go and do the meeting, let him talk to the dog etc then tell him a time to meet, plan your chat as being forewarned can allow you to plan this time compared to the time he unexpectedly appeared (I'd advise dont introduce him like you would if he was a friend, dont answer ANY questions about your life, keep the conversation on him, sidestep any questions even if natural good manners would automatically have made you respond.  If he perseveres you might have to be blunt, after all if he's rude enough to keep asking, you can be too.  He deserves no information about you.)  Plan how you'll get the dog back when you're ready and what you'll do then, go to the tea tent, go to another part of the show, stand your ground, leave. 

If you are going but don't want to meet, you don't even have to respond.  This person is an ex, he left you and the dog and has contributed nothing to his upkeep, he has no rights to see him.   

On the other hand you can semi control this meeting if you think that would get him out your head for once and for all.  (From your reaction to his contact, it might seem you aren't at that stage yet?)  Its up to how you feel regarding being able to meet him without it affecting you.  I'd tackle that bit then it will be clearer if you need to bother with a response. 

I'm assuming you never got a new phone number/blocked him? Or maybe he contacted through the business. Cant remember what you said at the time.

Chrystal

He needs to concentrate on his own life, and that does NOT include you or WattyDog.  

It's just another attempt to try and control your life.  He abandoned you both, without any remorse. and you need to see his maneuvers for what they are... an attempt to unsettle you.  Please don't let him succeed.  

A  short, sharp NO is answer enough as if you don't respond he may accost  you at the meet.  If he attempts to do so after you've said no, you can justifiably say he's  been denyXXX

beanielou

He is playing mind games. Ignore the message and him. 

FreetodoasIlike

Don’t interact with him. I agree with beanielou that he’s playing mind games with you. Remember, he’s your ex for a reason. I think it’s a bit late him wanting to meet with YOUR dog, when he abandoned him. Just text back “no, that won’t work for me”. 

badmemory

to do list

firstly ignore

second make sure home is secure or even leave someone in residence (not VNM as unfair to him)

three forget he exists, he is just trying to wind you up.

Anyone else feel free to add 4 onwards