Watty's Awakening

daisy_1571

I understand all that and probably a bit of that will always be with you however in time that attitude may soften a little as you leave more and more of pph in the past and he no longer features in your thinking.  Its certainly no bad thing to keep a lot separate, but its not always necessarily a bad thing to have some joint things. 

Balance in all things is good and for probably quite a long time your balance will be tilted toward self sufficiency in all things, ie a balance between life and your peace of mind.  There may well come a time when your peace of mind is less affected by 'joint stuff' in the same way that your peace of mind is now able to cope with clearing out barns, thinking about moving, dealing with house stuff on your own decisions etc etc.  

Very good that with vnm,  he can deal with his kids and mums estate and stuff however he likes without it impacting on you and your new found serenity 😀 

Dxxxx

Suffolk_lass

daisy_1571 said:

I understand all that and probably a bit of that will always be with you however in time that attitude may soften a little as you leave more and more of pph in the past and he no longer features in your thinking.  Its certainly no bad thing to keep a lot separate, but its not always necessarily a bad thing to have some joint things. 

Balance in all things is good and for probably quite a long time your balance will be tilted toward self sufficiency in all things, ie a balance between life and your peace of mind.  There may well come a time when your peace of mind is less affected by 'joint stuff' in the same way that your peace of mind is now able to cope with clearing out barns, thinking about moving, dealing with house stuff on your own decisions etc etc.  

Very good that with vnm,  he can deal with his kids and mums estate and stuff however he likes without it impacting on you and your new found serenity 😀 

Dxxxx

Yes, there may come a time. You don't want to end up doing what my Grandmother referred to as "cutting off your nose to spite your face". Principles are wonderful, but so is happiness.

PennysIntoPounds

Nice advice long term mental health wise but s*d any of your money funding or going to his daughter 😂
Financial self-sufficiency and only having to consult with yourself about how to spend it is an extraordinarily wonderful blessing and I am very pleased for you that you've got to that place 

LadyWithAPlan

Go Watty, love how you got the car gone and vnm obviously cares about you and your happiness.

Suffolk_lass

PennysIntoPounds said:

Nice advice long term mental health wise but s*d any of your money funding or going to his daughter 😂
Financial self-sufficiency and only having to consult with yourself about how to spend it is an extraordinarily wonderful blessing and I am very pleased for you that you've got to that place 

I remember when my great uncle married his housekeeper after his wife died, from a long and terrible illness. He changed his will. She received the house, a relatively modest capital sum (he was a millionaire, even in the 1970s) and the dividends from his investment portfolio for her lifetime, with the capital reverting to his nephews on her death. Her son tried to acquire more by trying to sell some of the portfolio while she was alive but the investment company trustees prevented it. 
Yes PIP, I take your point!

Watty1

Nice views from both sides of the coin.    I am sure i will not always feel the way I do but for now I can enjoy the self sufficiency I think and just observe.   I made too many mistakes in the past, so watching and learning and I do see VNM so very different but still I can see I can afford my life.  Something PPH said was not possible.   Nice to prove that wrong.

Watty1

I resigned from a small side hustle.   I kept going with it, mainly voluntarily because I thought it was good for my main business to be 'involved' but the side hustle turned into working for free and then has just become a mental and time drain and when I look at the overall financial contribution it is offering it is just not worth it.   Tuesday I spent 2 hours in a meeting @ 12.50 an hour and then was expected to go to another one for around an hour in the afternoon which would have been unpaid.   Realistically I don't have the time for this and I dont want to and there is always difficulty claiming expenses.

I no longer think my main business benefits either so it will not be a loss.

After a chat with a pal also on the board of said organisation we both resigned.  The final straw was realising the paid administrator had not done about 4 things and simply enough.  So we drafted an email and sent it.   

So far, said email has been ignored, so I sent a further email outlining some other points that needed actioning and one suggesting the administrator checks I have no files she needs as I will be deleting them from my system during my notice period.  (She  can never find a file when asked and has resisted all my efforts to develop an on line system).

I am surprised that 48 hours later no one has been in touch with either of us.   I realised I used it as a distraction whilst with PPH and a link with an outside world that reminded me I was really good at what I do, but, I have developed own business now he is not in the picture and I do not need the external validation nor do  i need to spend time on something that is not bring rewards.

I'm a little sad as I initially set up the organisation and it has changed the landscape of the profession it is for but enough.  

beanielou

Absolutely enough. It no longer serves you & actually sounds very chaotic. 

Cherryfudge

By the sound of it, with a poor administrator, the organisation is in trouble and you are better off out of it. It could well be that the administrator isn't checking their emails, so could you send a copy to someone more responsible? (Or was that you? )

Watty1

Had a response from administrator: the resentment seethes through the words, she has indeed made the changes to the handbook we approved at the January board meeting and communicated to all (so there); the website is down (she has now told the host/web person it seems)  and it is not her fault she can't find the articles of association and she told us all she wanted us to populate the descriptor for new board members

Oh my goodness, I told her the website needed sorting in January, the changes were never made as she copies those on the board when she communicates with stakeholders, as administrator she was asked to use an earlier spec (which apparently she has never had) for new board members and her inability to find things is legendry.

I just laughed.

The VNM asked why I had not fired her when I chaired the organisation but the honest reason was (a) I would have had to replace her - and - (b) to go through that disciplinary process of discussing  and warnings is exhausting and (c) i just managed her by keeping a list of what needed doing, having a list of all stakeholders and what was needed for them and another list of all the freelancers and what they were doing.   That way I micro-managed her and all was fine.  I did start the process of better management by chatting through what was going on and finding her overwhelmed I upped her hours and pay so clearly there I was had (LOL)

I resisted the urge to write back saying I was glad all was in hand and that clearly my 3 months notice are not required so I'll finish after the board meeting in a few weeks.    It would seem the chair of the organisation is avoiding all contact (he is lovely, hates conflict and I know is hoping to see us all at an industry get together next week, only I know the administrator isn't going, my board bestie is refusing to travel from Shropshire to London as the event is not relevant to her and it is a long way to come for a coffee with us so that leaves me).

I am so done with it all.   I am going to do my best to ignore it now.  It no longer serves me.