Watty's Awakening

daisy_1571

Delighted to hear things are progressing.   The relief when they are taken care of 24 hours a day is immense.   I have to add here, in case it helps.

When my mil went into a home it was the best thing for her.  She was fed regularly, her clothes cleaned and changed regularly, mediation and water given on time, meals made etc.  Because she perked up, was physically ok and really enjoyed the company, they had her 'helping' them fold towels etc which we were delighted with.  As a woman especially, when you've been used to running your own home i can understand her not wanting to be waited on hand and foot.  She really did well for a few months and although traumatic at the time it really was the best decision we could have made for her. 

Her home had a sort of self regulated split where ladies that were mentally fine but physically needed help tended to gravitate to one room, others who weren't mentally as capable tended to be in their rooms or in a different lounge.  The staff were fantastic, the home had 2 resident dogs and organised activities and so on.  

Up here the finance side allows the person so much 'pocket money' a week for personal items, hair cuts etc.   I set this up as a standing order into a separate account and bought 3 identical handbags.   I gave one each to her 2 neices and a supply of money every so often from that account so when she went out for a walk or a cuppa with them she had 'her' bag and could pay her way as she had initially got a bit distressed at not being able to pay.  She only looked for her bag when she was going out the home so we could each take 'our' bag in and out with us without her realising it was really 3 different bags.  In hindsight I should have taken some of her good jewellery off (she went in with multiple rings and bracelets) and maybe replaced it with cheaper stuff as im pretty sure some went missing  but we didn't think and were never 100% sure.  

I'd also recommend labelling pictures, books, whatever else you take in to make the place homely.  We found that stuff walked and was discovered by staff in other resident's drawers and wardrobes.  Not deliberately, but the ladies maybe thought it was theirs, or that it was in the wrong place or maybe they did just like the look of it, who knows, but its hard for staff to keep track of whose random framed photo they find somewhere are whose.  That home tried to make it that it was the residents' home, they just worked there, so I can understand the ambulatory ladies thinking this is my home - I want that picture in this room, when they were having a little wander, not realising it was technically another resident's bedroom. 

We made a a3 clip frame collage of photographs with peoples names and their relationship to her.  That way if a friend or staff member was talking to her they had prompts, oh is this your dad?  Your sister is lovely etc.

Take care  dxxx

Cherryfudge

Some really good points there Daisy, and I love the way you dealt with the bags!

Yes, jewellery etc can walk and not be found again. So can toiletries.

We found an electronic photo frame with plenty of pictures of family, friends and random animals worked for Mum (who loved animals). For my FiL, who was mentally very able but couldn't do much physically, a local paper was welcome. So are things like sweet treats or favourite foods, though in my experience there's a tea and biscuits break quite regularly to keep up calories and fluids. Don't rely on staff to remember to give things you've brought in, as they may not have time or might not have had a handover about a particular like or dislike.

I know that for some people who had a forgetful or sleepy relative, a sort of visitors' book was useful. Visitors could leave a short message so that if the person felt they 'never saw anyone' (they didn't remember the visits), there was a way for staff to say 'Oh she dropped in the other day, you must have been out but she left you a message' - and the person's writing was evidence.

My Mum was deaf and her memory wasn't good so I had notebooks of conversations with her, rather one-sided to read back but I know she would read through them when I wasn't there.

Something Mum's care home suggested and which was a real asset was a life story. Somehow they had no idea about the things we thought Mum always talked about, and were intrigued by stories and photos which helped them to relate to her a lot better. I also made sure they knew about seemingly small things such as she hated to get water on her head so a bath was better than a shower.

daisy_1571

Wealth of knowledge here. Some fantastic ideas, wish we'd thought of the little visitors notebook in the room, great idea of visitors communicating with each other, staff and the 'primary' family member.   Would have saved lots phone calls back and forward for mr d to all her visitors. 

Hope today goes well

Dxx

Watty1

Once again the knowledge and understanding on here as really touched me.  There have been some brilliant ideas and I'm going to use them.   

I've found a big notebook that I was using for work, torn out the pages I was using and will send that in with the VNM next visit. It can be used as a visitors book and a notebook in her room.    He picked up his work laptop this morning with marker pens ready to name anything that goes today and I've told him to bring to me some clothes etc to have her name sewn in as the tags should arrive today.  The life story is a great one and also naming photos particularly the one of her daughter (who is severely mentally disabled and lives in a care home) as she loves to talk about her daughter.

I know she wants to leave her jewellery to her grand daughter so I think I will suggest they do that now so she can have the joy of seeing her grand daughter wearing it (even if it is not to her taste she can wear it for visits to her grandmother which I think will touch the VNM's mum and better than having it lying around).

I feel really emotional for her but he is just delighted that she will have a nurse on hand if needed and relieved she will have care.  I was quite upset when I read the carers book on Sunday and realised all she had eaten was a piece of toast.  I think with the comings and goings everyone thought someone else was giving her a meal and no one had. We made her a sandwich and got her a bowl of ice cream but just knowing meals are going to be sorted is a relief too.

debtfreewannabe321

Fantastic news, I hope it goes okay today as I imagine it will be very emotional for VNM and mum. She will be in the best place for care and I think eventually VNM will feel nothing but relief. Being a full time carer is a life changing decision. Good luck with today x

WelshmansDaughter

You can get photo albums where you can record short messages on each photo if that is any use.
The Alzheimers Society has a downloadable document called About Me that the VNM could fill in, it covers the preferences of an individual as well as biographical details to help carers engage with a person 

ETA there are tags called Snap tags that care homes recommend as they don’t fall off. 

Also, set a note to regularly check she has enough clothes- I used to see people with holes in everything wearing clothes two sizes too small 

badmemory

I found one of the best things about Mum being in the care home was that I didn't have to worry about her being found lying on the floor, which is how it all started.  So I'm sure VNM will notice the difference.

Watty1

Again thank you all for the suggestions.  I have made a list of things we can do.  Something we did for my grandmother was print off photos in A4 and then laminate them so she could have them by her bed and look through them, but I really liked the suggestion on here to add notes to prompt conversation from others.  For the ex's dad we got a digital photo frame with lots of pictures of his house as that really motivated him to do his physio so he could go home (he did for a while so it worked!)

Now that the VNM and his mother are settled I feel I can focus back on my business and life. I need to call the car insurance company today as according to their last (very long) letter I should have heard from them by  now so i need to get that sorted.  Then need to decide what to do about a car.   I have also said, as gently as I could, I would like his daughters car moved from my garden, suggesting it go to a garage to be fixed as he really doesn't have the time  (she is capable of paying for this, she has a great job as a planning officer, she just relies on her dad a lot which is lovely but still, I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for a plan for her car). 

badmemory

I wonder if his daughter realises that he is not exactly firing on all cylinders at the moment.  So many of us get used to our fathers being the ones that just get on and sort things for us that we don't really think.  This is something I used to be guilty of & didn't even realise until I was older & he wasn't there.

KajiKita

badmemory said:

I wonder if his daughter realises that he is not exactly firing on all cylinders at the moment.  So many of us get used to our fathers being the ones that just get on and sort things for us that we don't really think.  This is something I used to be guilty of & didn't even realise until I was older & he wasn't there.

Yup, I think this too.

KK