Watty's Awakening

KajiKita

Oh dear … In spite of her ‘eccentricities’ he really is quite close to his mum isn’t he.

I’m glad he’s accepted the inevitable truth of a nursing home being required. And well done you for being so quietly stalwart and kind to him. Remember to protect your own energy and headspace in the midst of all this. 

KK

Cherryfudge

Lovely about all the flowers and the talk with the older gentleman.

I've very sorry about the VNM's mum's decline. One small suggestion: if she can't stay at home, could it be phrased in such a way that her home will come to her? Certain significant things that are part of her everyday. I have to add though, make an inventory of things that go into a nursing home as they can wander, and discourage her from taking things of financial value, even if it's by saying 'the VNM will look after them for you till you are well enough to come out'. It seems that point may not be reached but in a way it's true - he will look after things that she can't have with her.

I'm sorry to hear about the car too, I hope the VNM wasn't hurt? It shows how much it's affecting him.

Your support is amazing, they need someone to arrange things while this is going on (and it won't be forever).

daisy_1571

Thats all sounding a bit full on, 'glad' its happening now rather than 8 or 9 months ago when you would not have had mental capacity to deal with it.  Sorry for vnm, hope he can get it out his system and eventually be able to cope better with a sad but usually natural stage in our lives.  Hope in her final months/years the mother can find a softness in her that would help everyone with her transition to this stage.  Thats a nice thought about taking home with her and vnm looking after stuff for her.

Last hope is that you get some time to recharge your own batteries.   Cant help others if you are not helping yourself first

Daisy xxx

redofromstart

oh dear me, poor VNM.  Much sympathy.

Watty1

KajiKita said:

Oh dear … In spite of her ‘eccentricities’ he really is quite close to his mum isn’t he.

I’m glad he’s accepted the inevitable truth of a nursing home being required. And well done you for being so quietly stalwart and kind to him. Remember to protect your own energy and headspace in the midst of all this. 

KK

Yes he really is.  I've given him the spare ring camera and told him to put that in her living room so he can check on if the careline alarm people call us and that, today, has been wonderful as we decided to have a little 'time out'  - not much just into the local village to visit the library and drop some of my clutter off at the charity shop.  We had such a laugh with the staff in the shop, who were on full "sales sales sales"  and came out having spent nearly £30 then we had a coffee and cake.  Just normal stuff but when the call came through we were able to check the camera and see she was having a cup of tea and a vape and was just fine.  Such a relief.

Watty1

@Cherryfudge that is a great point. I've suggested to the VNM that they start thinking what from home she would like to take with her and that we get some of that velcro stuff for hanging pictures so she can select some to go too (I know we wont be able to put up pictures but that Velcro stuff worked so well at my rental and was removed with no fuss)

Watty1

Dropped off a bag of donations at the charity shop and came home with a candle (50p) a Phase Eight dress (£5) a Phase Eight cropped jacket (£3.50) and a totally made silver fluffy cardigan with sparkles for £3.50 too.   The VNM found 6 T-Shirts and a new shirt too.  
The dress is lovely, summery and fully lined and the other two items will elevate my look when on zoom calls.  Very pleased with that, I had no need for new clothes at all and I'm not trying to buy anything but these items look unworn, are very good quality and were too nice to leave behind.

And in the spirit of having a bit of fun a few of us went to a local village quiz and came last - which was great as you get chocolate for coming last and you don't get anything for coming second so we considered last was a real win!

Watty1

Exhausting trying to support VNM and his mother.   It is painfully clear that neither of them thought through the care at home option, she is still adamant she does not want to go into a home although says she is lonely and she needs more people to be there and he is now pulled very thin trying to care for her and not coping at all.   I managed to arrange an overnight sitter for Saturday and Sunday as I knew from past experience there would be no one around at the weekend and thank goodness I did as she got up wandered about and the catheter came out.  The carer told him to call for an ambulance but luckily he rang me first and I suggested he call the hospice care team who sent a nurse  That took a couple of hours but was sorted a lot quicker than calling paramedics on a Saturday evening but at least he was able to leave, come here and sleep and the overnight carer was able to deal with the nurse and get the catheter refitted and he came here and slept.

This morning he has returned to his mother's but I can see he is now really worried as to what will happen next week. I had a chat with a person at the hospice this morning and she suggested it would be best for me to keep calling the various support teams to get her into a nursing home as places are "in demand" and even they now think he does not have the right mindset to deal with this mess.

Having been here before with the ex's father I knew it would be like this but I rationally think they had to go through this to find out for themselves. I'm hoping that he can get back here with my car so I can go to church this evening but accept that is possibly unlikely.  Neither of us have the time to sort another car, I suggested he use his mothers but that now needs a lot of work as it hasn't been used for months, needs an MOT and needed work to get through the MOT.   His daughter's car is sitting on my back drive waiting for him to fix it.  I just wish she would realise that isn't going to happen anytime soon and come and get it and take to a garage but I am wisely keeping quiet about that.

Right enough rambling on here, I need to clear my desk as there is much work to do as little got done last week.  It is Sunday so I can work on the accounts quietly, check stock and review my notes for next week's course section.

daisy_1571

I think you were right to leave them to see it for themselves.  I doubt they would have accepted it just from someone telling them.  One way or another it sounds like it will sort itself out in a few weeks/couple months.   Situation doesn't sound sustainable.   Meantime you are doing the right thing, support where you can, mouth shut where it won't help and take off moments as you can to refresh yourself.   Be like wattydog and go bark at the wind for a little while today 

Dxx 

PennysIntoPounds

Brilliant thinking on the ring camera.
And I'm glad you had some nice time, got some bargain good quality clothing, and won chocolate!
Very sorry the VNM Mum situation is being so draining. You're being a wonderful help and support- but remember to prioritise you. It's not selfish to keep yourself well and your fantastic achievements intact and ongoing x

P.S. you're a much better woman than me with the multi car situations! Is there a gentle way in which it could be suggested that he would benefit from sorting his mums car, you would be in a better position to help if he wasn't taking (and crashing) your car, and that it would be one less thing to worry about if his daughter sorted out her car? Hope the insurance acts quickly and you can get the car that would be most useful to you