Watty's Awakening

Watty1

PennysIntoPounds said:

P.S. you're a much better woman than me with the multi car situations! Is there a gentle way in which it could be suggested that he would benefit from sorting his mums car, you would be in a better position to help if he wasn't taking (and crashing) your car, and that it would be one less thing to worry about if his daughter sorted out her car? Hope the insurance acts quickly and you can get the car that would be most useful to you 

I think not - tact is not one of my qualities.  I've already suggested his mother's car should be sold - I suggested this earlier I found out she was driving it and had driven into the back of someone. Luckily at lights and no damage done but she was livid with the other car owner saying he had moved off and refused to accept responsibility. The VNM suggested she stop driving and keep the car for emergencies, which she of course agreed to and then ignored.   As for the daughter, words fail me. Rather like her grandmother I think although I do keep that to myself

Thankfully the "attitude" skipped the VNM

Watty1

Last night's drama was she woke and found herself in the dark and the night sitter had not arrived.  It seemed she had been asleep and the career's had left turning off the lights. She panicked, understandably, so we drove over to put the lights on.    I also took the timer I use with me. I've never liked coming into a dark house and use a timer to switch on a lamp in the living room at dusk.    I set it so her lamp would come on at dusk and go off at sunrise. That way she will never be left in the dark again.
Forgot to leave a note for the carer re the lamp - that it must not be turned off - so will remind the VNM to do that today.

WelshmansDaughter

I had an extension cord that could be controlled by an app on my phone. It was very useful for switching things on and off without having to be physically in the room 

debtfreewannabe321

I loved the instant karma with the flowers how lovely 🌹 
I'm sorry about VNM mum though ...I can see this only getting worse. Will he have a re-think with regards to her care once he realises just how tough and full on this will be- for what could be years to come?
I hope he does for all your sakes.

Watty1

The VNM man and mother issues resolved.  As a result of the many people I have spoken to once he gave permission to the various agencies for me to speak on his behalf a nursing home place and funding has been secured for her.   He realised the only option was to give up work and care for her, he didn't want to do that and he realised it was unsustainable her living at home unless he did that.  

I am impressed with how the care services have swung into place.  I know this stage will be really hard for them both but he is pottering around my kitchen making a dinner and really looks as if much has been lifted off his shoulders. I suspect the speed was because I am emotionally less involved and so could be really direct and that stirred people into action.   I have purchased name tags for her clothes (at the suggestion of someone I spoke to) and made an initial packing list for her.  I really think my weight carrying on this is now done.   PHEW -  and breathe.  She transfers tomorrow.   I know that will be very emotional for them both but now all I have to do is be supportive. 

badmemory

Whoever suggested you put labels on everything was spot on.  It is worse than being at school.  Unless you really want all washing to be brought home.  Also to remember is that everything gets done on a hot wash due to the health risks there are & needing to kill off any bugs.  So avoid things that are going to shrink.

beanielou

Most excellent news.

Cherryfudge

That's really good news, though a difficult decision. I wish you all the very best with the transfer, and remember if she appears to go 'backwards' for a while, it's likely she's being affected by moving to a very different place and that's a lot for anyone to take in. However, she will have expert care constantly at hand, which is a huge benefit, and given time she will reorientate and the care and stimulation will help her.

Re the name tags, even if they are the iron-on ones, put a few stitches in each as the stick-on ones fall off easily. 

LadyWithAPlan

Just catching up - so impressive you have done so well financially - I guess you always have but the ex hid that really - 

glad VnM mum is now in a safe best place for her and with new people to meet 
My friend struggled with live in carers for her mum after her dad passed and her mum really fought going in a home  but it was impossible ever for the carers - however her mum now loves it and all her new friends there - it gives her a medical and great social framework - makes you realise why the Swedish Death Cleaning makes so much sense - we accumulate things and then curating them as our lives change makes sense 
(I was quite excited I finished a shampoo bottle Sunday to get stocks done - I have 2 other half finished shampoos and a new unopened bottle of my fav still to go ) 

sounds like you are mentally and emotionally strong enough to support VNM - Just do relax as well 

PennysIntoPounds

That's the best possible news for a horrible situation. Bloody well done you for getting it sorted on their behalfs, even if you don't get recognition or thanks in the midst of the upheaval. We see you having been brilliant for others. And I'm sure it's thanks enough to see VNM looking like a weight has been lifted.

Just to add to others advice, if VNMM seems to be suddenly much more ill or disorientated, immediately check if they've checked if she has a UTI (urinary tract infection) as it's difficult for staff to monitor how much liquids someone has had (and how accurately they've said they've had), and it's understandable for her to not want to have or ask for drinks when she's unsettled, but UTIs send older people absolutely doolally.
You think you should be sending for last rites (or equivalent) then they're grand two days later once its started to be dealt with

Hope the transfer goes okay for all involved x