Has saving affected your mental health.

Brricktop69

First time on the Savings thread but i thought it may be the best place to pose this question.

I have thought long and hard about if I should post this or not given the cost of living crisis and how it is affecting huge numbers of people but here goes.

I am currently in a very fortunate financial position but it hasn't always been the case, i have been married for 34 years and my wife and I had the first of our two children at 17 years old. We lived in a run down council house and struggled for many years to get by and bring up our family. Gradually our situation improved but we never had much money. Over the years we have both worked hard to improve our situation. Fast forward to today and we are now 55 years old, both in steady long term employment, mortgage free with zero debt. Over the last 5 years we have built up savings of just short of £40k and I have a DC pension pot of £260k.We are also putting £20k a year into my pension and £12k a year into savings.I always thought that after years of having nothing being on a sound financial footing would make me feel like a huge weight off my mind.

The reality I have found to be somewhat different, i now find that I am struggling more than ever with my mental health, rather than now having money to do the things I have always wanted I find myself doing the complete opposite, I find it extremely hard to get myself to spend anything that i put away. I often go without things that I need as i don't want to "step backwards" with my savings. And I am not talking about big ticket items, Last weekend I went to town to buy a couple of new jumpers for work and came home empty handed, I saw loads that I liked but couldn't bring myself to pay £15 for one.

I then get really frustrated and down with myself because I know I am being a fool, I can find myself being in a bad mood for days afterwards, conversely my wife was looking at a pair of boots that she liked that were over £120, and i would have no issue in paying for them if she wanted them and would have no hesitation in helping out any of my family if they needed help with money. I have realised that the issue is about spending money on myself rather than spending money in general.

I am concerned that my attitude to saving and the mindset I have developed is not only affecting me but is also now impacting on those closest to me.

I often read about debt and it's impact on mental health, but never thought for one minute that savings could be a factor in poor mental health.

Apologies if anyone feels this post is in bad taste or self indulgent but i genuinely wondered if anyone else has been through similar feelings.

lovemula21

I grew up in a household with little money and what little we had was often wasted and not spent on the correct things. Although food was covered I went without other basics like clothing, often having to wear clothes with holes or clothes that were too big for me. 

Now I am comfortable! I have been somewhat comfortable most of my adult life due to education and work improving my situation. You would assume that I am now happy and content but I’ll be honest, I worry more about money now than I ever have. 

My issue is that I overspent on all the wrong things in early adulthood and now I feel regretful and wasteful and that impacts how I use money now.

For me, I know where my issues came from so I can work on them and try to help myself. 

Where do yours come from? You don’t have to answer, just something to think about. 

xylophone

You might try this.

Open an account in  your name for  " My needs and treats". This is your discretionary spending money and always planned as such.

Decide  with your wife how much of your annual saving should go into this account.

Then use the money as you wish without guilt or worry.

powerspowers

hi bricktop, thanks for your post and well done for putting into words something that’s quite hard to talk about! You aren’t alone in not being able to spend money! I’m similar and I’ve seen other posters struggling with this too. For me, it extends to things like not using the nice hand cream or eating my favourite food on the day I buy it…

I think xylophone has a good suggestion with the “my spending pot”. I do similar but I’m still not very good at it. I also agree that it can be underlying, something from your past. Your not so easy start to adult life has probably contributed but have a think about money for you growing up and how the adults in your life made you feel about spending on yourself. 

I don’t think it’s having savings that’s the problem, I think it’s an offshoot of your own or your parents financial issues. 

It might be worth looking up some CBT techniques to help you challenge unhelpful thoughts. Could you go back and buy one of the jumpers you liked? Or buy one online?you don’t need to go bonkers spending everything but you can treat yourself to a new jumper or two

Londonlisa12

Rather than think of money spent as wasted try to think of money not spent as wasted.,since at the end of the day that’s exactly what it is, I understand the demographic on this forum will disagree😂.
Obviously you need savings, but money is meant to be spent and to improve your quality of life.

boingy

It's not quite the same as the OP but I've seen several people reach retirement and suddenly be reluctant to spend any money, at least for the first couple of years. I guess it's that feeling that you've spent most of your life building up a nest egg and a pension then you have to switch into "using up" some of that money. It's hard to change from a saver into a spender, even if the spending is quite modest.

@Brricktop69 The above suggestion of opening a "spending money" account is a good one. Make a monthly or annual deposit into it and then that's your guilt-free spending money. Of course, you won't spend it all because your saver instinct is strong but you'll be more likely to buy that jumper!

masonic

Yes, I think living a frugal lifestyle out of necessity for a period of time puts you in a mindset where it is difficult to break out and spend more when you are able. It is definitely a common theme discussed in the FIRE movement.

Using the same sort of tools people use to budget and save up for the bigger ticket items can also be useful for making spending targets. You then just need to be disciplined and stick to the (spending) plan.

Getting into a position of financial security can be very positive to your mental health and put you into a powerful position when it comes to life decisions, but the challenge is overcoming the fear of turning into a spendthrift and frittering it all away. Generally that is the last thing someone who has worked so hard would do, so trust your budgeting skills and spend what you know you can afford.

Flugelhorn

absolutely agree with this - we stand in the supermarket (or jumper shop) and go "how much?????" - despite it not being an issue financially. 

I think the idea of the "spending money account" is good  

Bigwheels1111

I understand completely.
It makes perfect sense to me.
I have been my best friend carer for over 10 years now and survived on carers allowance only.
I rented out my house and that paid half the bills. When the tenants moved out, I had no money to cover the bills.
So my friend paid for everything.
My carers allowance just covered, Council tax. Insurance,gas, water, electricity etc on my empty house.
That was until it sold. Took forever due to COVID.
The next 2 years were hard as interest rates were so low, I gave my friend and interest from my savings towards the bills, but that was only 30% of my share.
Last year I fixed my savings at quite good rates, for 5 years I will now have four times the income.

I feel rich, like a king.
But it makes me obsessed I chase every penny, either interest rises on easy access, regular savers to maximise interest one so on.
Clothes, ordered 6 pairs of socks from Amazon this year as were half price £5.99.
Plus 3 pairs of trainers at £40 in total. The first pair, the tread and heel padding have worn through.
But I will no change then until the first of Jan, don’t ask me why.

No other clothes this year. 2 pairs of new glasses at £60.
My total spend on myself this year.
I take a larger Contigo drinks cup everywhere with me filled with ice water.
As I can’t justify paying for a can of coke or bottled water while out.
I even have a portable fridge that works in the car and hotel rooms to save on buying drinks and food while away from home.
I have more money to spend now than I have ever had in my life.
All I do is squirrel it away. I think I’m spending even less now.
Yet I gave my brother 10k without a second thought, towards a mortgage so he could buy a house.
Knowing that I would never see it again. It’s quite perverse is it not.
I’m sure many on here have similar issues, just feels normal to me.
Thats the problem.

Swipe

I think many people on this forum will relate to the OP. Saving for years has a very long lasting grip on you mentally and it can be very hard to break that mindset for some people.

[Deleted User]

You need to keep a sense of balance. Useful to have a back up for emergencies but for goodness sake enjoy live too. You are a long time dead! Any obsession can damage mental health including frugality which I feel some on these boards undoubtedly develop to an extreme.
Fortunately I feel I have the correct perspective. As I get older I to purchase both  what I need and want. I am aware of time running out and I know there are no prizes for dying with a large bank balance.
I do not see it as my duty to leave wealth to family who know that anything they receive is a bonus and not a given. This is a view they also share. I refuse to hoard thousands in case I may need future care as in reality only a small percentage of people need such full time care. If that does become necessary the sale of my house and my pension money will have to suffice.