Has saving affected your mental health.

cloud_dog

xylophone said:

You might try this.

Open an account in  your name for  " My needs and treats". This is your discretionary spending money and always planned as such.

Decide  with your wife how much of your annual saving should go into this account.

Then use the money as you wish without guilt or worry.

My partner is not in the same situation as the OP, but we created a savings account (pot) within Chase and named it... "To be spent".

It worked really well.

[Deleted User]

Bigwheels1111. I just couldn’t live like you. That is not a criticism of your lifestyle, but me being honest. As a 65 year old man I like buying clothes and budget £ 900 a year to do so. I regularly attend privately the dentist, chiropodist and hairdresser. In addition, I allow myself £300 a month for personal spends such as meals out. This will increase when I receive my state pension from next July. I save a regular amount each month for annual bills and a little into long term savings. If you want to know more read my thread.
However, my hobbies are not expensive and I have  never smoked or drank alcohol. I do like to buy things for the  house and keep my garden looking good. 

I suppose it is a case of priorities which are very individual in nature.
I will also say that buying cheap is not always the best form of economy.

gwynlas

Congratulations on having achieved financial stability and having disposable income I feel similarly blessed having just recieved my OAP on top of my work pension. Second you do what others previously suggested and set aside dispoable income to do just that in the same way you set aside savings.New clothes make you feel good and should attract compliments so bettering your mental health buy them in the sales if you can and get double the benefit. There is a lot to be said for not being the richest corpse in the graveyard or the truism that there are no pockets in a shroud.

Nebulous2

I've been through some of this and have talked about it recently, in terms of retiring and finding myself with more money than I've ever had before. I had a plan to spend most of it to fund the gap between retiring and state pension age, but that looks like it wont happen. 

We were primarily a one income household with several children, and while we spent pretty much everything, we made it go a long way. We bought a more expensive house than most people at my pay level, we managed to get abroad regularly, we ran two cars a lot of the time, but we spent very little on clothes, made most meals from scratch, rarely ate out and mercilessly chased down costs, shopping around for cheaper deals on insurance, mobiles, utilities etc. 

I've also spent my life working in care, helping people to change behaviour that is damaging to them and those around them, and change is extremely difficult for all of us. We learn a set of behaviours in childhood, reinforce and refine them in early adulthood and are pretty much stuck with them then.

I'm not saying change is impossible, but its difficult, both to do, but also to maintain.  How many people do you know that lost a lot of weight, only to end up heavier than ever a few years later? 

Do you have any hobbies? Where I really learnt to loosen the purse strings was buying cycling stuff. Somehow money spent on it didn't count. I've also spent more money recently on outdoor kit. Somehow when you've spent a lot of money on a lightweight cycling jacket its a small step to then buy a decent waterproof for walking the dog. 

One thing I would say is that you need to be happy with who you are. Being able to look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and be happy with who you see is important. For me that is about - I haven't got everything right, or behaved as well as I should have, but on balance I've done more good than harm in the world.

One piece of good advice I got from a mentor was; "Don't sweat the small stuff"  We build relatively inconsequential things into something much bigger in our head than it needs to be. Again - you are likely to have known people who stopped smoking, did well, went out for a night out, took a few cigarettes and suddenly they're back smoking again. It wasn't the drink and the couple of cigarettes that did the damage, it was how they responded to it. They got up in the morning, decided it was too difficult, they had ruined it all, and there was no point in carrying on. They could just as easily have got up and said - that was silly, I let my guard down with a few drinks, I'm not going to waste all the good work I've done, today is a new day and I'm going to start again. 

I don't want to belittle your experience with your jumpers - I also hated spending money on work clothes and we got round it by my wife buying them and bringing them home for me. I often didn't get a straight answer about costs, "They were in a sale" "They were a real bargain" 

However you don't need to build the day with the jumpers up as evidence of failings to use against yourself. It's a small bump in the road that you have to find a way round. It isn't a broken track and a full-on train derailment. 

I've never really set budgets, although many people here do, but the idea given above of having your savings goals met and having a pot for personal spending as well sounds as though it could work for you. Saving for your future doesn't have to be in competition with enjoying life now, the two things can be complementary. 

Flugelhorn

@[Deleted User] I think this is different though - it is a mindset and very hard to get out of. We are well into IHT / higher tax territory and still stand in the supermarket muttering about prices and going for own brand when we could afford named brands.  Rarely buy new clothes as I hate clothes shopping - happily spend money though on things that help local community, friends and the kids 

jaypers

This is really interesting and thanks for articulating the issue so well. I recently took early retirement with a redundancy package and am very lucky to have a generous pension and a nice savings pot. I actually enjoy moving money and finding the best rates but yes, I sometimes have a real mental battle trying to convince myself to buy something I know I want…..sometimes for things that are relatively inexpensive. It’s really weird. As has been mentioned earlier in the thread, I do think that separate pots help in this regard and having a pot that I can then tell myself is for ‘splashing out’ seems to work quite well. Perhaps it’s a generational thing where growing up every penny mattered so my mum in particular was always very careful with money. 

Just to caveat my comments. There are many people really struggling who I know would love to be in the fortunate position to even have any savings. I count my blessings every day and so far as I am concerned, I think the issue is more around mental obsession rather than affecting my mental health. Almost a bit of OCD maybe. 

jimexbox

The easiest way to break the mindset as others have mentioned is to have specific pots.

I use an app called savings goal. You don't need to set a target in each pot. I then split off rainy day savings with pots such as holidays, Christmas, meals out etc etc. So I don't view these as long term savings, it's there to be spent. 

Albermarle

Although your background can obviously have some effect, some people just have a saving for tomorrow mentality, and some have a spending mentality.
Clearly from other posts and many previous threads, it is not easy to switch from one to the other. Maybe not even desirable to change that much, as it would mean acting out of character which is also probably not going to make you happy.
On the other hand not having any/much money is almost certainly going to lead to stress and unhappiness. You only have to look at the debt and bankruptcy forums on here. Even if you have a lot of money but struggling to spend it, that is a better place to be than being skint.

OP - Your issues are quite common and discussed regularly on this forum. However you seem to have some further underlying issues that may benefit from seeing someone. 

Albermarle

Flugelhorn said:

@[Deleted User] I think this is different though - it is a mindset and very hard to get out of. We are well into IHT / higher tax territory and still stand in the supermarket muttering about prices and going for own brand when we could afford named brands.  Rarely buy new clothes as I hate clothes shopping - happily spend money though on things that help local community, friends and the kids 

Probably part of the reason you are in IHT/40% tax territory, is precisely because you are the type to scrutinise supermarket prices even when you do not need to. A chicken and egg situation.
Recently a local car park near a nice river walk has started charging, when it used to be free for the first 3 hours.
However the first 30 mins is still free ( it is carefully monitored with ANPR ) so now my walks only last 29 minutes . Otherwise would cost me £1.50 !!

Flugelhorn

Albermarle said:

Flugelhorn said:

@[Deleted User] I think this is different though - it is a mindset and very hard to get out of. We are well into IHT / higher tax territory and still stand in the supermarket muttering about prices and going for own brand when we could afford named brands.  Rarely buy new clothes as I hate clothes shopping - happily spend money though on things that help local community, friends and the kids 

Probably part of the reason you are in IHT/40% tax territory, is precisely because you are the type to scrutinise supermarket prices even when you do not need to. A chicken and egg situation.
Recently a local car park near a nice river walk has started charging, when it used to be free for the first 3 hours.
However the first 30 mins is still free ( it is carefully monitored with ANPR ) so now my walks only last 29 minutes . Otherwise would cost me £1.50 !!

that sounds like a very sensible move re the 29 minute walk!! 

you might be right re being careful over money - certainly not as "spendy" as some of my colleagues - one got through her non inconsiderable TFLS in the first year in travelling. Mine (which I had never twigged was going to be as much as it was) is still in the bank along with an inheritance that I had assumed was going to be be  left to a dog and cat charity and not me