Has saving affected your mental health.

steven141

Also another way to look at it is that if you spend your money in different places particularly small local businesses then you are helping others as well as without people spending people would be out of a job. Even spending at big corporate companies like supermarkets etc can have a benefit as they provide jobs for people and also keep shops open in places that would otherwise be derelict and run down.

I tend to travel around different places quite a lot and spend money. I also budget as well. Nothing wrong with a balanced lifestyle.

Nebulous2

Cobbler_tone said:

It took me years to go from buying £1 tins of tuna to £4 jars in Waitrose. The same as £3.50 baked beans, or spending another £30 to get parking closest to the terminal. When you get to a certain point of your life, hopefully you’ll realise we are only here once and enjoy the best of your relative income.

For those who could afford to spend more but don’t, what are you saving for? I guess you get to a point of where there is no point spending for the sake of it, but don’t miss out on the things you might like just because they cost a few quid.

I’ve never been particularly affluent and certainly not privileged in the true sense. I think it took meeting someone with a different perspective to change my personal habits , who is also very good at tracking and controlling their spend.

I've worked to support people to change their behaviour in the past, people with behaviours that were severely impacting their lives, and it is very difficult, even where people are extremely committed to trying, to effect that change. 

Long established behaviours are likely to be with us for the rest of our lives. That's the issue with spending - from family attitudes, watching others, developing our own traits, making mistakes, changing those - by the time you have 60 or so years behind you, you are moulded into what you are. 

If you've saved 50% of your income, lived on £25- 30k a year, as a lot of high earners here say they do, then you don't magically become a different person once you retire and find you have £60k a year to spend. 

The other issue is that people tend to have limited ambition. Our desires for a better life run just ahead of where we are. Somebody running a modest family car doesn't seriously aspire to a Ferrari, whereas somebody running a high-end Porsche possibly does. 

I once read an article about big lottery winners, from somebody who advised them. He said they all end up in the big private house, with big grounds, and a duck pond, but many of them will have 1 or even 2 moves prior to that. They simply cannot see themselves in that place, so they go for where their ambitions lay, before realising they could do better. 

Human behaviour is fascinating, but we are all much more restricted in what we do, by our prior experiences, than we realise. 

fuzzzzy

Nebulous2 said:

Long established behaviours are likely to be with us for the rest of our lives. That's the issue with spending - from family attitudes, watching others, developing our own traits, making mistakes, changing those - by the time you have 60 or so years behind you, you are moulded into what you are. 

Yes I have nearly 60 years behind me. I would love to have a time machine and go back and do it all again. I would not do it massively different, just a little bit different - less worrying about financial security and a few more adventures. I would like to think I can change. I am very soon to retire so we shall see.

I wonder if the OP ever managed to buy those jumpers he wanted but could not bring himself to spend on.

ChilliBob

I get where you're coming from - my wife often says I behave like somebody with no money (which fortunately isn't the case). It's a tricky thing, get her to buy your stuff -. Might work!..

My wife got me two t shirts on holiday which were 38 quid each of something. I balked at the price, being more a 15 quid t shirt man myself... But, I do appreciate they're better quality, feel nicer, look nicer and are made more ethically!

I think once you get into it with some categories it can become easier. I like beer but I couldn't bring myself to spend say 5-6 quid on some fancy cans for a while.. Then I realized I'd be better health wise to have a couple of really nice beers than a load of cheap stuff. So, I rationalize it to myself that it's healthier (less alcohol consumed), often better quality (significantly sometimes), and the net cost is probably similar. Oh, and I'm probably supporting micro or nano brewery places and not say massive ones (or Brewdog lol). 

fuzzzzy

I can still remember being 17 buying a lovely jumper from Next whilst on holiday in Jersey in 1982 for £17.99. I have just looked it up on an inflation calculator to find it would be £64.31 today. I have never spent anywhere near that amount on a jumper since. I thought about it all week and finally bought it on my last day egged on by my mother. My mother was the spender, my dad the hoarder.  I became more like my dad, probably when I became a single parent. I would quite like to get back to that 17 year old and be less frugal.

ShinyStarlight1

I’m glad you’ve raised this, and there is no need to apologise for doing so. You definitely aren’t alone with these feelings.

Money signifies more than its spending potential. It carries all sorts of anxieties with it, particularly if you have experienced hardship.

I once looked after a very elderly couple. They were clearly in the closing chapters of their lives. They longed to sit outside among the daffodils, but would not spend the very low amount it would’ve cost to increase their home care by an hour. They had piles of money in the bank but “that’s for a rainy day”.  Their money had ossified into a useless lump as they were unable to mentally access it, even in the rainy day of their final years.

I come from a poor background which had many struggles. I react differently to you as a result but I deeply empathise with you.

I think understanding what money represents to you, beyond its actual function, might help.  It’s seems it’s not about the amount you spend but on whom it’s spent. It might be worth really looking into why you can’t spend even a small and necessary amount on yourself. Perhaps a therapist could help you untangle that question. It’s worth doing so that the decades ahead are free of this anxiety.

Cobbler_tone

On the flip side, it has to be better to have money and not spend it as opposed to the other way around.
It is most definitely a symptom of your upbringing and how you value things. If you take the extreme's, there are famous multi-millionaires who live frugal lifestyles. Then the elite level's of Gates & co who will struggle to give all of their wealth away.
I guess we never fully know how we would react unless someone dumped £100m into our accounts. I'd still have the £3.50 baked beans and a nicer house and car. Beyond that I'm not sure. 

schiff

fuzzzzy said:

I can still remember being 17 buying a lovely jumper from Next whilst on holiday in Jersey in 1982 for £17.99. I have just looked it up on an inflation calculator to find it would be £64.31 today. I have never spent anywhere near that amount on a jumper since. I thought about it all week and finally bought it on my last day egged on by my mother. My mother was the spender, my dad the hoarder.  I became more like my dad, probably when I became a single parent. I would quite like to get back to that 17 year old and be less frugal.

I think the mere fact of being able to buy 'a jumper in Jersey' would persuade me regardless of cost!