Has saving affected your mental health.

TheWoodler

This thread has been a really interesting conversation piece - thanks to the OP and all contributors so far. 

For me, saving was one of the ways I fought my way out of grief. My late father died during the 1st lockdown - I never saw him in person again after early March 2020 when his care home locked down early. We only saw each other on video calls. (Don’t get me started on 2020-21 but it was a bl**dy awful time.)

The grief under those circumstances was staggering, and I’m no stranger to grief.

I have *always* saved (my late mother used to say ‘Save some, spend some’ and both my parents instilled in me the principles of avoiding  debt, being financially independent, and paying my way with others), but dealing with my inheritance pot gave me a focus at a time when things were still very restricted. I found it an educational and enjoyable hobby, and it started to give me my mojo back after that body blow of grief. 

I like to think of my old man thinking ‘Good for you, girlie’ with what I’ve done. He would be amused but proud, as he always was of me more generally. To that extent, saving in recent years has been *good* for my mental health.

In wider terms, I see it as a lucrative hobby that enables more discretionary spending - eg going on holiday more frequently or treating myself or my family more, while still continuing to save. And it will fund an earlier retirement than would otherwise have been possible. But it’s a hobby. A hobby that pays, but it’s still a hobby.

You’re a long time dead. You have to live. And I wish that I still had my old man. I guess in a way, my savings are a kind of little tribute to him. He always treated Mum and me very generously, and he wasn’t averse to treating himself either but he wasn’t extravagant. I think it’s finding that balance, isn’t it? 

Rich1976

TheWoodler said:

This thread has been a really interesting conversation piece - thanks to the OP and all contributors so far. 

For me, saving was one of the ways I fought my way out of grief. My late father died during the 1st lockdown - I never saw him in person again after early March 2020 when his care home locked down early. We only saw each other on video calls. (Don’t get me started on 2020-21 but it was a bl**dy awful time.)

The grief under those circumstances was staggering, and I’m no stranger to grief.

I have *always* saved (my late mother used to say ‘Save some, spend some’ and both my parents instilled in me the principles of avoiding  debt, being financially independent, and paying my way with others), but dealing with my inheritance pot gave me a focus at a time when things were still very restricted. I found it an educational and enjoyable hobby, and it started to give me my mojo back after that body blow of grief. 

I like to think of my old man thinking ‘Good for you, girlie’ with what I’ve done. He would be amused but proud, as he always was of me more generally. To that extent, saving in recent years has been *good* for my mental health.

In wider terms, I see it as a lucrative hobby that enables more discretionary spending - eg going on holiday more frequently or treating myself or my family more, while still continuing to save. And it will fund an earlier retirement than would otherwise have been possible. But it’s a hobby. A hobby that pays, but it’s still a hobby.

You’re a long time dead. You have to live. And I wish that I still had my old man. I guess in a way, my savings are a kind of little tribute to him. He always treated Mum and me very generously, and he wasn’t averse to treating himself either but he wasn’t extravagant. I think it’s finding that balance, isn’t it? 

Oh wow. All of what you have written is so true, in so many different ways and has me with tears in my eyes as I write this. As someone whose own father is not in the best of health at the minute, I am sorry you lost yours in lockdown.

but you are so right, it is about balance. None of us knows how much time we have and we cannot just focus on saving in the hope tomorrow will come when we can enjoy spending it.

I’m sure your dad will be very proud of you.

thank you for sharing 

Cus

Fully agree with all of this. The day office politics and the daily whinging about anything and other departments is no longer a feature in my life the better.

thats why I’m looking forward to the Christmas break because I don’t need to deal with people that I really have nothing in common with and wouldn’t choose to sit with every day if it was my decision.

so with the exception of home improvements, retirement is the goal and making that happen when we are ready and not just because we qualify for the state pension on a particular date.

does it effect mental health? Most definitely. We probably save more than most people do a month but it never feels enough especially with the cost of things going up. A bathroom upgrade set us back several thousand even though it was planned. We are saving up for a replacement car plus other home improvements. 

But day to day living does get in the way. Things breakdown, the car needed new tyres, our fence blew down and had to be replaced. All of which can be stressful as it uses funds which would otherwise be used towards nicer things.

I assume that the comment of 'if it was my decision' relates to the fact that you would have employed different people, rather than you have no choice but to suffer in your role?

Rich1976

Cus said:

Fully agree with all of this. The day office politics and the daily whinging about anything and other departments is no longer a feature in my life the better.

thats why I’m looking forward to the Christmas break because I don’t need to deal with people that I really have nothing in common with and wouldn’t choose to sit with every day if it was my decision.

so with the exception of home improvements, retirement is the goal and making that happen when we are ready and not just because we qualify for the state pension on a particular date.

does it effect mental health? Most definitely. We probably save more than most people do a month but it never feels enough especially with the cost of things going up. A bathroom upgrade set us back several thousand even though it was planned. We are saving up for a replacement car plus other home improvements. 

But day to day living does get in the way. Things breakdown, the car needed new tyres, our fence blew down and had to be replaced. All of which can be stressful as it uses funds which would otherwise be used towards nicer things.

I assume that the comment of 'if it was my decision' relates to the fact that you would have employed different people, rather than you have no choice but to suffer in your role?

Yes absolutely correct. We have been put together to work as a team, but they are not people I would choose to be with.

B0bbyEwing

Rich1976 said:
The day office politics and the daily whinging about anything and other departments is no longer a feature in my life the better.

thats why I’m looking forward to the Christmas break because I don’t need to deal with people that I really have nothing in common with and wouldn’t choose to sit with every day if it was my decision.

Haha THIS!!!!!!

I was recently asked about going on the works Xmas do by an employee who I actually think while a bit of an open drama-magnet is one of the better ones.

They tried & tried & tried to get me to say I'd go. They really forced the point of free food being put on - the company actually paying for once.

They couldn't seem to understand me when I said I would rather pay for an expensive takeaway than spend my own free time with 99% of the people that will be on this works Xmas do/meal. 

I went on to say - many of these people talk crap about me behind my back because they're spineless. I know they talk crap about me because not a chance I'm the only one in the company they don't talk crap about so why would I choose to spend my free time with people like that? 

Some of the people are ok and it would be ok to spend some of my time with them outside of work but it's a minority for sure.

Rich1976 said:
 We probably save more than most people do a month but it never feels enough especially with the cost of things going up.

THIS, again!!

I constantly check the banking & think we could've done better when in reality we actually did quite well considering, once you factor in all the stuff that NEEDS to go out.

Same with retirement planning. I forever feel it's not enough but I don't suppose we're too bad.
The minimums go in to the WPP
So far I've been putting the maximums in to the Lifetime ISA in addition to that - for both of us
And an additional 10% (of my net monthly earnings) on top of those two go in to my SIPP, 10% goes in to the wife's SIPP and the wife has an NHS pension in addition.

I think my problem is that I constantly look for 'perfection' - but what is that? Maybe I wouldn't be happy until every last penny for the month was tucked away in to savings of some sort so not a single penny was squandered. 

But I need to stop myself & tell myself to be realistic & get the balance right.

Rich1976

B0bbyEwing said:

Rich1976 said:
The day office politics and the daily whinging about anything and other departments is no longer a feature in my life the better.

thats why I’m looking forward to the Christmas break because I don’t need to deal with people that I really have nothing in common with and wouldn’t choose to sit with every day if it was my decision.

Haha THIS!!!!!!

I was recently asked about going on the works Xmas do by an employee who I actually think while a bit of an open drama-magnet is one of the better ones.

They tried & tried & tried to get me to say I'd go. They really forced the point of free food being put on - the company actually paying for once.

They couldn't seem to understand me when I said I would rather pay for an expensive takeaway than spend my own free time with 99% of the people that will be on this works Xmas do/meal. 

I went on to say - many of these people talk crap about me behind my back because they're spineless. I know they talk crap about me because not a chance I'm the only one in the company they don't talk crap about so why would I choose to spend my free time with people like that? 

Some of the people are ok and it would be ok to spend some of my time with them outside of work but it's a minority for sure.

Rich1976 said:
 We probably save more than most people do a month but it never feels enough especially with the cost of things going up.

THIS, again!!

I constantly check the banking & think we could've done better when in reality we actually did quite well considering, once you factor in all the stuff that NEEDS to go out.

Same with retirement planning. I forever feel it's not enough but I don't suppose we're too bad.
The minimums go in to the WPP
So far I've been putting the maximums in to the Lifetime ISA in addition to that - for both of us
And an additional 10% (of my net monthly earnings) on top of those two go in to my SIPP, 10% goes in to the wife's SIPP and the wife has an NHS pension in addition.

I think my problem is that I constantly look for 'perfection' - but what is that? Maybe I wouldn't be happy until every last penny for the month was tucked away in to savings of some sort so not a single penny was squandered. 

But I need to stop myself & tell myself to be realistic & get the balance right.

Well you seem to be doing all the right things and 10% each into Sipps is not to be sniffed at. 

I think we put about 8% into ours ( never checked the percentage, just the amount).
everyone else I know just sticks with the workplace pension and complain by about the third week of the month they are down to their last few quid to last until pay day.

time will tell if we are doing the right thing and hopefully will look back and say we didn’t have to stress after all, instead of we should have done better.

MrFrugalFever

I can relate to the OP here. I think many people can, if this was publicly discussed on National Television or similar then I think it would draw the attention of millions.

I had very little financial education during my childhood and went through periods of financial hardship and being comfortable. The biggest mistake I made was having no regard for spending and money in my late teens/early 20's which ultimately and cumulatively ended up with me in a terrible situation whereby I thought I had no way out. The strain on my mental health with thousands of pounds worth of debt which I couldn't service was immense.

I made a transition (though looking back other options may have been better suited) in my late twenties to undertake an IVA and wipe the slate clean as it were.

4 years of living under a legally binding contract with no access to credit whatsoever, spending scrutinised and less than £200 disposable income a month certainly changed my life. I've now gone the other way whereby sometimes I can punish myself by not buying things because i'm genuinely scared to spend the money, thinking what-if? The fear of getting in to debt and being unable to pay again! 

I ended my IVA early, I desperately needed to free myself from the incredibly tight and restrictive financial shackles I was under and get back in to the adult world of proper money management. With my new conditioned self I have now successfully managed to save up for a 15% + deposit on a property in just 2 and a bit years by not going mad with spending on things I just don't need. I've also had some rather nice holidays during this time too. I tend to take days/weeks sometimes months to decide on when and where to spend my money but it sits a bit more comfortably with me now.

I wouldn't say my mental health is worse as a result, I would say my worse time was the debt and then imposed restrictions under the IVA so I do feel better mentally now but I still struggle at times because I feel like I shouldn't be spending anything.

I have had some bereavements since COVID and a scare myself so I have tried to tell myself that if I did save tens of thousands and then dropped dead, what would have been the point?

thegentleway

It sure is hard to break habits but if you’re genuinely unable to spend on yourself when you have plenty of savings that either means it’s not something you actually value or it’s a self esteem issue. I.e. you don’t think you deserve it. Hope it’s not the latter but if it is, be kind to yourself and get some counselling/CBT. 

Linton

Albermarle said:

Flugelhorn said:

@[Deleted User] I think this is different though - it is a mindset and very hard to get out of. We are well into IHT / higher tax territory and still stand in the supermarket muttering about prices and going for own brand when we could afford named brands.  Rarely buy new clothes as I hate clothes shopping - happily spend money though on things that help local community, friends and the kids 

Probably part of the reason you are in IHT/40% tax territory, is precisely because you are the type to scrutinise supermarket prices even when you do not need to. A chicken and egg situation.
Recently a local car park near a nice river walk has started charging, when it used to be free for the first 3 hours.
However the first 30 mins is still free ( it is carefully monitored with ANPR ) so now my walks only last 29 minutes . Otherwise would cost me £1.50 !!

Yes, we seem to spend more time choosing which particular brand of grocery item to buy than whether to take a relatively expensive holiday.

We have a large near-to-cash buffer and dont worry about any one-off expenditure we want,  such as the holiday, which is easily covered by that. On the other hand we will avoid any expenditure that cuts into long term investments. 

That we find is one of the advantages of a buffer in that it permits worry-free expenditure within bounds.

Albermarle

masonic said:

boingy said:

masonic said:

B0bbyEwing said:
Right now I have a Galaxy S20 (which I bought in 'Pristine' condition from Music Magpie which replaced my Galaxy S10 - also from Music Magpie (my last NEW phone was an iPhone 6S from Apple on release day)) and I've been looking at the Galaxy S23 because 1) it's newer 2) quicker 3) battery will be better 4) will get updates for longer (mine has stopped getting the latest version - downside of Android) 5) I prefer the screen shape as it doesn't have curved edges like the S20

Yes, it does irk me when I'm upgrading only because the phone has fallen out of support for security updates.

My wife has just had to replace her 7 year old phone because WhatsApp needs a newer version of Android. She's an occasional WA user rather than an addict but it's the main comms channel for a smattering of old friends and a few family members. We both tend to keep things until they break so it's a bit irritating to change a perfectly working phone. I've seen a few posts on here about folks being forced to buy a new phone to keep their banking apps running. Imagine if you had to keep changing your front door every time Royal Mail updated their delivery service. 

In a world where everyone talks about reuse and recycling, phones have a built-in obsolescence. 

It's often worse than that. Banking apps are usually happy to go on working long after the phone's operating system replete with security vulnerabilities and is unsafe to use for things like online banking. A phone I bought this year is apparently good until 2028, which is an improvement on the 2-3 years that is typical.

Imagine if you bought a front door with a defective locking mechanism that needed regular servicing, but the manufacturer only agreed to do so for a few years before they'd make you either buy a new door or risk leaving it unlocked when you go out.

My understanding ( but I am no techy expert so could be wrong) that with an Iphone  you get around 6 years of full IOS updates ( from 14 to 15 to 16 etc) but even after that you still get security patches. The critical point seems to be when the bank ( or whoever) upgrades their app, and your old IOS system can not cope with it.
So with a bit of luck you could still be OK for 8 years or more. Or obviously less if like many MSE'rs you buy the phone second hand.