Has saving affected your mental health.

Yorkshire_Pud

Best thread of 2023 and maybe 2024, for me and my circumstances anyway. Retired with savings and no real joy or purpose in the money I have scrimped and saved. I used to spend more and save less but over the last ten to fifteen years have got meaner and meaner to myself and avoided fixing things around the house that are important because I’m ‘not getting anything for it’. Stupid really. Part of the problem may be being able to relentlessly track down the lowest price of various items on Amazon etc so when faced with the reality of paying the dentist £290 for one filling Inc exam and X-ray I feel very sorry for myself even though I can afford it and now need another filling  in January which will be £210. Then the car being fixed that cost £450 for a problem I knew existed for three years.

Fact is I know I can’t show a net profit out of each and every situation I find myself in but wish I could. Notwithstanding that if I should end up in a nursing home all my hard won savings will no doubt haemorrhage out from my bank balance and /or when I die I will probably have some credit in my account so what difference did it make that I had to pay for a few fillings at market rate now and again.

Sometimes I divide the number of years I might have left into my credit balance of accounts and add it to my pension and I could never spend it all even if I allowed myself every indulgence or spontaneous purchase I find yet I behave like a hard up pauper most of the time, making sandwiches, washing my car myself, gardening, painting etc while arthritis makes it harder to do the things I took for granted.

Like many others here I came up with a Be Good to Yourself separate account after a diagnosis of stage three cancer in 2008 which I obviously survived and into which I put the sickness benefit I received and latterly, since about 2015 all the banking incentives I relentlessly chase to the point I now hive off chunks of the over £30,000 I have accrued into other higher interest paying accounts and have to work out what interest I ‘owe’ myself as well as the capital transferred. So I’m not even spending this separate money!

Im not proud of myself for this, I need to change before it’s too late. MSE is great but it does get to a lifestyle/way of thinking, always chopping and changing utility supplier, bottle of Baileys £13, no £10, no £9 now oh n9 it’s gone up to £15 now they can get stuffed (rrp £22).

At the moment I’m wearing two pairs of thermal leggings, one M&S from about 1988 one from Sainsbury’s last year, a fleece from 2007 primark, a t shirt from 2022, an M&S long sleeved top from 2015 keeping the heating costs down by mostly staying in one room.

There was time when all this mattered I was living on a very low income but now that isn’t the case I seem to take a perverse pleasure in cutting costs to the bone for the sake of it.

In other people I find meanness a real turnoff. I am mean with money but not with time and helpfulness (as long as it doesn’t involve putting my hand in my pocket!). 

Obviously I have insight into my situation/problems about money but I’m hoping that 2024 will be a year when I can be nicer to myself, stop saving for a rainy day when it doesn’t matter if my balance says £100, £100,000 or £500,000 because if I’m not spending it or need it or use it what does it matter?

This thread came at just the right time for me because it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. So thanks OP and all who have contributed.

Tomorrow I will no doubt be in home bargains buying dry roasted peanuts and a bounty three pack because it’s so mush h cheaper than Tesco lol.😜 

trickydicky14

I find myself reading all this through the gaps in my fingers that are trying to cover my eyes. It’s a bit painful as it’s like looking in a mirror and I’m not sure how much I like what I see. O well, what’s my next bank bribe.

jimexbox

@ Yorkshire pud. I try and remember advice from a friend who lost a foot and nearly died from sepsis, 'there are no pockets in a shroud'. We all die, don't leave a huge amount in the bank.

My kids can have the house, I'll spend my savings. 

Yorkshire_Pud

jimexbox said:

@ Yorkshire pud. I try and remember advice from a friend who lost a foot and nearly died from sepsis, 'there are no pockets in a shroud'. We all die, don't leave a huge amount in the bank.

My kids can have the house, I'll spend my savings. 

Funny enough a friend used to say that to me over twenty years ago so it’s not a new problem (whilst she was letting me buy her lunch lol)
I have made a will and most of it will go to charity but I’m not actually saving it for them I’d rather spend it on me. Just need to get over the drawing my fingernails emotional effect I’ve developed when I spend it! Ultimately a waste of my feeling life I should just be glad there are qualified folks willing to stick a drill in my gob and get under a great chunk of oily metal (car). Different folks and venues 😹 

madlyn

Thank you to the OP and those have have contributed to a very honest and thought provoking thread.
Has saving affected my mental health? yes a little. Over the last 18 months or so I have been obsessed with trying to find the best interest rate and as a result I have lost sight of actually living my life.
Every bit of  spare change I get goes into my jar as I take part in the sealed pot challenge each year, I have several direct debits going out to various savings accounts, when I should probably just combine them all and put it into 1 or 2 accounts, I over pay my mortgage. I was given money for my birthday in October and for a Christmas present, where has it gone? into my savings, instead of using it to have my hair coloured or buy the new boots I've seen.
I need work done on my roof, but the thought of taking the £600 out of my savings to get this done, actually pains me.
Saving is a great thing, but when it takes over and stops you from enjoying your life then that's wrong. After all the rainy day may never come.

jimexbox

madlyn said:

I need work done on my roof, but the thought of taking the £600 out of my savings to get this done, actually pains me.

Think of house repairs and certain improvements as an investment, which they are. A neglected house will  ultimately affect any sale price. I just spent 2k on roof repairs, a new roof would cost 15 to 20k. Its a no brainer. 

Albermarle

Yorkshire_Pud said:

Best thread of 2023 and maybe 2024, for me and my circumstances anyway. Retired with savings and no real joy or purpose in the money I have scrimped and saved. I used to spend more and save less but over the last ten to fifteen years have got meaner and meaner to myself and avoided fixing things around the house that are important because I’m ‘not getting anything for it’. Stupid really. Part of the problem may be being able to relentlessly track down the lowest price of various items on Amazon etc so when faced with the reality of paying the dentist £290 for one filling Inc exam and X-ray I feel very sorry for myself even though I can afford it and now need another filling  in January which will be £210. Then the car being fixed that cost £450 for a problem I knew existed for three years.

Fact is I know I can’t show a net profit out of each and every situation I find myself in but wish I could. Notwithstanding that if I should end up in a nursing home all my hard won savings will no doubt haemorrhage out from my bank balance and /or when I die I will probably have some credit in my account so what difference did it make that I had to pay for a few fillings at market rate now and again.

Sometimes I divide the number of years I might have left into my credit balance of accounts and add it to my pension and I could never spend it all even if I allowed myself every indulgence or spontaneous purchase I find yet I behave like a hard up pauper most of the time, making sandwiches, washing my car myself, gardening, painting etc while arthritis makes it harder to do the things I took for granted.

Like many others here I came up with a Be Good to Yourself separate account after a diagnosis of stage three cancer in 2008 which I obviously survived and into which I put the sickness benefit I received and latterly, since about 2015 all the banking incentives I relentlessly chase to the point I now hive off chunks of the over £30,000 I have accrued into other higher interest paying accounts and have to work out what interest I ‘owe’ myself as well as the capital transferred. So I’m not even spending this separate money!

Im not proud of myself for this, I need to change before it’s too late. MSE is great but it does get to a lifestyle/way of thinking, always chopping and changing utility supplier, bottle of Baileys £13, no £10, no £9 now oh n9 it’s gone up to £15 now they can get stuffed (rrp £22).

At the moment I’m wearing two pairs of thermal leggings, one M&S from about 1988 one from Sainsbury’s last year, a fleece from 2007 primark, a t shirt from 2022, an M&S long sleeved top from 2015 keeping the heating costs down by mostly staying in one room.

There was time when all this mattered I was living on a very low income but now that isn’t the case I seem to take a perverse pleasure in cutting costs to the bone for the sake of it.

In other people I find meanness a real turnoff. I am mean with money but not with time and helpfulness (as long as it doesn’t involve putting my hand in my pocket!). 

Obviously I have insight into my situation/problems about money but I’m hoping that 2024 will be a year when I can be nicer to myself, stop saving for a rainy day when it doesn’t matter if my balance says £100, £100,000 or £500,000 because if I’m not spending it or need it or use it what does it matter?

This thread came at just the right time for me because it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. So thanks OP and all who have contributed.

Tomorrow I will no doubt be in home bargains buying dry roasted peanuts and a bounty three pack because it’s so mush h cheaper than Tesco lol.😜 

I can only think that you can not change your whole personality with respect to money, and why would you want to.
You might want to concentrate on certain aspects that really are getting you down, and just carry on with less harmful habits.
In my own case, I have improved with age, in this respect anyway
I have stopped perusing restaurant/cafe/pub menus for the cheapest meal, and stopped getting stressed if a family member chooses one of the more expensive items ( to a point anyway ) . I have relaxed about the cost of holidays, hotels etc Bought myself a good mobile phone ( second hand of course) and keep the house comfortably warm. Plus bought myself a new car when I retired ( ex demo of course )
On the other hand I still make my own sandwiches, do most of the gardening and decorating and wash the car myself.
Plus I still walk around supermarkets closely inspecting the price per 100g, and checking if any of the yellow stickered stuff is any good. In fact for some reason I quite enjoy it.

london21

Bazzalona13295 said:

The 'control when everything else is out of control' comment has made me think. Very very true in my situation.

Think finance generally can also impact areas of life such as relationship.

sparkiemalarkie

Yorkshire_Pud said:

jimexbox said:

@ Yorkshire pud. I try and remember advice from a friend who lost a foot and nearly died from sepsis, 'there are no pockets in a shroud'. We all die, don't leave a huge amount in the bank.

My kids can have the house, I'll spend my savings. 

Funny enough a friend used to say that to me over twenty years ago so it’s not a new problem (whilst she was letting me buy her lunch lol)
I have made a will and most of it will go to charity but I’m not actually saving it for them I’d rather spend it on me. Just need to get over the drawing my fingernails emotional effect I’ve developed when I spend it! Ultimately a waste of my feeling life I should just be glad there are qualified folks willing to stick a drill in my gob and get under a great chunk of oily metal (car). Different folks and venues 😹 

Just a thought - by employing a gardener, builder , painter, mechanic, hairdresser you are supporting local small businesses and their families now. Also it could be a great way of building a network of trades people that could be relied on later on in life.

as I said...just a thought

sx

Angelica123

madlyn said:

Thank you to the OP and those have have contributed to a very honest and thought provoking thread.
Has saving affected my mental health? yes a little. Over the last 18 months or so I have been obsessed with trying to find the best interest rate and as a result I have lost sight of actually living my life.
Every bit of  spare change I get goes into my jar as I take part in the sealed pot challenge each year, I have several direct debits going out to various savings accounts, when I should probably just combine them all and put it into 1 or 2 accounts, I over pay my mortgage. I was given money for my birthday in October and for a Christmas present, where has it gone? into my savings, instead of using it to have my hair coloured or buy the new boots I've seen.
I need work done on my roof, but the thought of taking the £600 out of my savings to get this done, actually pains me.
Saving is a great thing, but when it takes over and stops you from enjoying your life then that's wrong. After all the rainy day may never come.

With the birthday and Christmas money...I am not sure if it helps to think that the gift givers would probably get more enjoyment of knowing you had treated yourself with the money, than you get from putting it in savings. So by treating yourself with the gift money you are actually giving a better gift to the gift givers (especially if you send them photos of the new haircut or new boots to show appreciation).