Has saving affected your mental health.

sevenhills

I have often thought that being frugal as a male trait?
I love being frugal, but I also am ok at spending money. I have a 96 year old relative who will refuse to spend his money. I thought it was caused by his age.
After reading this thread, I am not sure.

Albermarle

sevenhills said:

I have often thought that being frugal as a male trait?
I love being frugal, but I also am ok at spending money. I have a 96 year old relative who will refuse to spend his money. I thought it was caused by his age.
After reading this thread, I am not sure.

With my In laws it was definitely the MIL who kept the purse strings tight. My FIL wanted to buy a new small cheap car ( Dacia )  when he was 80 ( old one was kaput) . Despite being easily able to afford it many times over, she point blank refused to 'waste' the money.

mebu60

I identify with many on this thread (11 plate car, heating only on for a bit in the evening, new clothes only when necessary, etc) as saving has become a habit and purpose in isolation. Similar themes have been discussed previously. Last time round someone strongly suggested taking a holiday. Well, I am just back from two glorious weeks in Lanzarote with my partner! So thank you whoever that was :-)

I am trying to ignore the holiday spend! We could do this every year for the next 20 years without significantly impacting daughter's inheritance. The biggest irony was leaving the heating on timed which meant the house was heated more than when I am here! Though it's been on today as we re-adjust from 23 degrees day after day. 

Hopefully I will get better at spending a bit more while we're still physically able to enjoy it. Saving has impacted my mental health but in a positive way. It's spending that's the issue! 

marcusjm

Great thread. Like many other readers, a lot of this resonated with me.

I became addicted to saving following many years of poverty growing up and then overspending when I started working. I have spent too many years trying to find balance and peace in an emotion that almost resembles guilt. 

I feel the biggest change in me was when I realised the difference between "price" and "value". Many would look at my spend patterns as frugal but I then spend freely when I see value. With clothes I buy day to day stuff very cheap (often used) but will spend on quality suits, shoes and coats etc.  

My eyes were opened when I read "The psychology of money". I'm not a big reader but I struggled to put this book down. I could relate to so many (although not all) chapters. Like many self-help books, there are some simple takeaways but they have made a real difference to my attitude to money and spending. I am now feeling better about having "enough". I do not feel guilty about choosing to save to give me flexibility and freedom. The author states that people want to be millionaires when really they want to spend a million; The two are almost conflicting. I want to have money but I don't need to spend it to feel the benefit.

To the OP, try to find peace in your situation and please speak to someone if it gets on top of you.


 

Sea_Shell

We've been talking recently about stuff that we might need to spend on over the next 1-3 years.

These include some quite big one off things like new sofas, lounge carpet and maybe a car.

During these discussions, I realised that my not being bothered about having new or expensive stuff is more about the worry about it getting damaged, or lost, or stolen.   

If I spilt red wine on our current carpet or sofa, I'd clean it as best I could, and just shrug it off.
Same with any small scratches on the car.
Or losing my phone (that would just be a logistical headache, not financial)
Or spilling Spag Bol down a pair of jeans

The list goes on.

So it's not so much about not wanting to spend the money on stuff, but the worry of having that NEW thing.   IYSWIM.
Easier just to keep the old stuff going.
I know we have insurance, but we'd only use that for something major and so have large excesses.

Even booking events/tickets, gives me similar thoughts.    What if we're ill, what if there's another train strike etc etc.
We paid over £300 to go to the World Athletics in 2017 and I was on edge about it, right up until we took our seats in the stadium.

I guess I'm a Glass half empty pessimist.

Albermarle

If I spilt red wine on our current carpet or sofa,

When you buy a new sofa you will be offered some kind of Stainguard insurance. They do not seem to spray them with a stain resistant coating anymore as it feels a bit odd to touch. The insurance means you can get advice on the phone or someone will come out and deal with it for you.

Of course it is not free, and if you do get it then inevitably you will probably never need it. Probably not worth it for a dark coloured £1500 sofa from DFS, but for lighter colours/more expensive sofas it could be.

DjangoUnchained

Im in my early 60s now, having spent most of my life not having much money and often being in debt. Now im debt free, decent amount of savings, mortgage paid off i have enough money. I always wanted nice cars, nice guitars and other toys. Now i find i can afford my dream cars,  any guitar i wanted etc but im just not interested. I drive a 6 year old plain ordinary vehicle, am downsizing my guitar collection, not to save money but to free up space. Not to turn all Ghandi but i just dont want to be weighed down by possessions. I will spend on travelling and nice holidays and experiences. I will help my grown kids buy their properties and im just overall more relaxed, not worrying if money needs to be spent on house repairs, car repairs. Money has brought me peace of mind. When i didnt have any i thought that if i did make some i would buy loads of stuff, but in fact the opposite has happened.

VNX

DjangoUnchained said:

Im in my early 60s now, having spent most of my life not having much money and often being in debt. Now im debt free, decent amount of savings, mortgage paid off i have enough money. I always wanted nice cars, nice guitars and other toys. Now i find i can afford my dream cars,  any guitar i wanted etc but im just not interested. I drive a 6 year old plain ordinary vehicle, am downsizing my guitar collection, not to save money but to free up space. Not to turn all Ghandi but i just dont want to be weighed down by possessions. I will spend on travelling and nice holidays and experiences. I will help my grown kids buy their properties and im just overall more relaxed, not worrying if money needs to be spent on house repairs, car repairs. Money has brought me peace of mind. When i didnt have any i thought that if i did make some i would buy loads of stuff, but in fact the opposite has happened.

I’ve never been materialistic but as Ive got older I’ve become even less so, I just don’t get any joy out of buying things, people say treat yourself but I don’t feel any treat in spending my hard earned money on things. I guess it becomes a cycle. 

The less I spend the less I want to spend. 

As we enter the new year I’ve told myself not to change particularly not to spend more or anything but just to obsess less about money, save what I can each month to top up my savings and keep tabs on my money as I think it’s wise and will always be who I am but not to be obsessing ams much as I used to.

I know life is unpredictable and we all never know what will happen and what monies we will or won’t need but I sat down and did calculations for the next 10/15 years in terms of savings, pensions making conservative projections and I realised the obsession has to stop.

I also realise more than ever that the obsession comes from as someone else saying it’s the one thing in life you can control, I’d dearly love a partner, kids, a family etc it would so fulfilling but I do t have these so I guess I obsess about money as I can control thst and it’s something I can be happy with what I have achieved where the opposite is true for other parts of my life 

Apollo22

Yorkshire_Pud said:

Best thread of 2023 and maybe 2024, for me and my circumstances anyway. Retired with savings and no real joy or purpose in the money I have scrimped and saved. I used to spend more and save less but over the last ten to fifteen years have got meaner and meaner to myself and avoided fixing things around the house that are important because I’m ‘not getting anything for it’. Stupid really. Part of the problem may be being able to relentlessly track down the lowest price of various items on Amazon etc so when faced with the reality of paying the dentist £290 for one filling Inc exam and X-ray I feel very sorry for myself even though I can afford it and now need another filling  in January which will be £210. Then the car being fixed that cost £450 for a problem I knew existed for three years.

Fact is I know I can’t show a net profit out of each and every situation I find myself in but wish I could. Notwithstanding that if I should end up in a nursing home all my hard won savings will no doubt haemorrhage out from my bank balance and /or when I die I will probably have some credit in my account so what difference did it make that I had to pay for a few fillings at market rate now and again.

Sometimes I divide the number of years I might have left into my credit balance of accounts and add it to my pension and I could never spend it all even if I allowed myself every indulgence or spontaneous purchase I find yet I behave like a hard up pauper most of the time, making sandwiches, washing my car myself, gardening, painting etc while arthritis makes it harder to do the things I took for granted.

Like many others here I came up with a Be Good to Yourself separate account after a diagnosis of stage three cancer in 2008 which I obviously survived and into which I put the sickness benefit I received and latterly, since about 2015 all the banking incentives I relentlessly chase to the point I now hive off chunks of the over £30,000 I have accrued into other higher interest paying accounts and have to work out what interest I ‘owe’ myself as well as the capital transferred. So I’m not even spending this separate money!

Im not proud of myself for this, I need to change before it’s too late. MSE is great but it does get to a lifestyle/way of thinking, always chopping and changing utility supplier, bottle of Baileys £13, no £10, no £9 now oh n9 it’s gone up to £15 now they can get stuffed (rrp £22).

At the moment I’m wearing two pairs of thermal leggings, one M&S from about 1988 one from Sainsbury’s last year, a fleece from 2007 primark, a t shirt from 2022, an M&S long sleeved top from 2015 keeping the heating costs down by mostly staying in one room.

There was time when all this mattered I was living on a very low income but now that isn’t the case I seem to take a perverse pleasure in cutting costs to the bone for the sake of it.

In other people I find meanness a real turnoff. I am mean with money but not with time and helpfulness (as long as it doesn’t involve putting my hand in my pocket!). 

Obviously I have insight into my situation/problems about money but I’m hoping that 2024 will be a year when I can be nicer to myself, stop saving for a rainy day when it doesn’t matter if my balance says £100, £100,000 or £500,000 because if I’m not spending it or need it or use it what does it matter?

This thread came at just the right time for me because it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. So thanks OP and all who have contributed.

Tomorrow I will no doubt be in home bargains buying dry roasted peanuts and a bounty three pack because it’s so mush h cheaper than Tesco lol.😜 

Gosh, you must be my lost twin. I really struggle with this and it got worse post divorce. I watch my friend spend with glee and I can’t do so at all!!

Cobbler_tone

It took me years to go from buying £1 tins of tuna to £4 jars in Waitrose. The same as £3.50 baked beans, or spending another £30 to get parking closest to the terminal. When you get to a certain point of your life, hopefully you’ll realise we are only here once and enjoy the best of your relative income.

For those who could afford to spend more but don’t, what are you saving for? I guess you get to a point of where there is no point spending for the sake of it, but don’t miss out on the things you might like just because they cost a few quid.

I’ve never been particularly affluent and certainly not privileged in the true sense. I think it took meeting someone with a different perspective to change my personal habits , who is also very good at tracking and controlling their spend.