NST October 2023 A New Start

grandmanerd

Monday 2nd October 2023
Obligation (from all angles) My words

I am under no obligation to make sense to you Be yourself, not who others want you to be or live with stress and tension

Life is under no obligation to make sense to you (Margaret Mitchell) 

Relationships
Relationships built on obligation lack dignity (Wayne Dyer)

With children
Your first obligation as a parent is to not bring chaos into your children's lives
I had far too much responsibility as a child. Looking after my brothers from the moment they were born, helping mum make wedding cakes/ catering for family parties from the age of 3, mixing sand and cement at 9 yo. Listening to my mother's money and marital woes and living with my father's assertion that I'd only been born so they'd have someone to look after them in old age.  Don't do this, try this:
Effective Parenting 101
"Focus more on who your child is rather than what s/he does. Remember you are growing a person,  not fixing a problem." (L.R.Knost)

It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable. (Moliere)
My childhood and youth were haunted by 'the things we have left undone' part of the prayers. My twenties and thirties were spent campaigning on 'issues', supporting good causes and setting up organisations that 'made things better'. In part this was down to never feeling good enough and permanently guilty about not doing 'more' (sometimes every moment outside of work and my children was filled with good causes). Oh the relief when a meeting was cancelled and I got  a free night. Eventually, after much counselling (multiple issues) I accepted I could not save the whole world (I still  try to, sometimes) and life became calmer.  

My passion for social justice has often brought me into conflict with people, as has my aversion to any obligation or dependence I did not regard as absolutely necessary (Albert Einstein)

And remember, don't eat food offered by fairies/ the fae unless they tell you it is given with 'no obligation'.

Mini Monday Pep Talk
good news It's a brand new week
better news You can put down anything heavy from last week
best news You have the power and strength to make this week a good week. It's a good week to have a good week

laura_lau

Hi, I am new to this challenge and would love to join in for October, if it's not too late?
I read through all the posts and have got an idea of what it is about, but please do let me know if I'm missing some points or I am going out of topic!

I'd like to start easy for my first month, I do want to create a few habits, both financial and wellbeing ones, but for this month I am focusing on:

1. NSD - (this is also a first time challenge) I set myself a goal of 10. Yesterday has been a NSD, and today will also be.
2. Bring my own food to work every week (I go to the office once a week for now, so it shouldn't be too difficult)
3. Exercise - I used to do regular pilates classes but this stopped because of high cost a few months ago. I have access to free pilates and yoga classes online every week, I just need to get organised a bit better and ramp up my motivation and stick to it. I'd like to put myself a goal of 3 classes a week.

Tonight I'm planning to make a risotto and will make an extra portion to bring to work tomorrow. If I have time this evening I would like to do a "mid-week" check of the fridge, as we still have a few things before a new shopping trip is needed, but might need to get creative.

Talking about the fridge, I also need to understand if it's starting to near the end of its life, or if the stuff that has barely lasted the expiry date was an unrelated issue.. we've had a few instances in the last couple of weeks where some milk went sour just a couple of days after being opened (my suspicion was that boyfriend and stepson didn't promptly put it back in the fridge during the latest heatwave, so I didn't worry too much), but then just last week a whole cauliflower disintegrated just days after bringing it home and some pork loin had gone bad by the time it reached its expiry date, the day when I took it out to cook it (5 days after bringing it home from the shop). I'm keeping an eye on it, as it might have been a problem with the shop fridges rather than mine, but if these occurrences intensify I will have to think about a new fridge. I was hoping to be able to make it last until I've saved enough money for the kitchen refurbishment ("enough" money is some sort of euphemism, being the refurbishment pot currently at £0).

That's a long first post, sorry for that! Looking forward to participating more in the month.

Toni'sfriend

Welcome, Laura. Lovely to meet you. Hope you get the fridge thing sorted.

I was hoping to do lots today but I woke up feeling exhausted. I'm sure it will eventually pass. So Himself did the outdoor things. Prescription request to Health Centre, cheque into bank (he won £10 on a lottery. First time ever!) and bought a card for a friend whose brother had sadly passed away. But I haven't wasted my time. Made chicken stock and there is a huge amount of soup bubbling away in the slow cooker, made potato salad for tonight with left over chicken, did some more washing and assorted bits and pieces which don't sound like much but amount to a lot. Since we'd spent the money on the card I took the opportunity to order some gifts for that day in December.

Breathing test tomorrow. The way I'm feeling they'll be lucky if I could blow up a balloon but nothing ventured.

Hugs to all the poorlies and anyone who would benefit from one.

Take care. xxxx

DawnW

Hope all goes well tomorrow @Toni'sfriend

Had to smile at the balloon thing, I have never been able to blow up a balloon due to having asthma. I dreaded that balloon- blowing-up game at children's parties years ago

Nor much done today, or at least not so far. I took a few things to my sales unit this morning, and went to see my brother, who isn't at all well and is waiting for a hospital appointment. He wasn't good today, and I didn't like leaving him to be honest. But he didn't want to come back with me (and I am not at all sure he would cope with all the stairs here, everything is on one level in his flat), so I tidied up a bit, did the washing up and got something out of his freezer for him to heat up later. He doesn't seem to have much in, so I will get him a few things tomorrow. I am going to make a big pan of soup to take to him as well. Not sure what else I can do...

Not a NSD, as I got a few things for my brother, but yesterday was one

grandmanerd

I spent the morning sewing whilst listening to podcasts. Listened to one of the Clutter Fairy weekly podcasts and then whilst looking for one I hadn't seen before, I stumbled on the cr@ppy childhood fairy. She argues against the clutter causing depression but thinks it's just another symptom of childhood trauma. Clearing the clutter will help (it will give you the head space to just breathe) but you need to start with a task you can do and feel in control  of.. 

A lot of what she said made sense. We can all understand that someone who never had enough to eat as a child becomes an adult who feels safe when her cupboards are full. She talked about people struggling to lose weight who have 3 different sizes of clothes in their closets - she suggested packing away the clothes that don't fit. You can keep them (although they may not be in style when you are ready for them) but they won't make you feel like a failure every time you see one of the garments you can't squeeze into. 

She also pointed out the sometimes the clutter is a boundary (actual physical) when you are frightened of people getting too close (she said that debt could also be used in this way - I can't do x,y or z because I have no money). Ways of keeping people away when you feel too weak to use words to stop them. This is one of the reasons I am not firmer with DS3 and Beloved, I can remember that feeling of making yourself safe by surrounding yourself by possessions (a wall of books, painting your bedroom chocolate brown).

I wasn't ready to stop sewing and seem to have finished the 2 series I was watching so I've started on an Australian detective series which feels quite homely - no eccentric characters, no wild leaps of faith, just asking questions, following the evidence and grasping the inconsistencies in people's stories.

Then I went downstairs. Out to the bins with 6 small bags of rubbish which fit between the 2 large bags I had put a brick on top of. Probably the same in various recycling bins and a couple  more rubbish. The row of trees in bins that I planted now have a raspberry cane and/ or a blackcurrant bush alongside them and all the croci and narcissus are underneath (best permaculture principles). Lots of weeding done (green bin will go out tomorrow) then all the packaging from the plants went in the appropriate bins. I moved the old garden chairs near to the back gate (they're the support for tiered planting in a row in front of the trees). I fixed one of the garden arches - a small piece of washing line to join the two top curved pieces and because one of the curved pieces has been damaged and won't slide neatly into the supporting piece, I've lashed it to DS3's wooden sword (he used it to knock bricks out when we took the old wall down). The damaged end rests on the sword hilt and the 2 are firmly lashed together with a few turns crossing under the hilt as well.

Came inside to eat, read for half an hour afterwards, trying to get enough energy to go back out then gave up. I went back to the DW and finished filling it and set it off. The filling was done slowly in between other jobs but I'd decided that if I couldn't fill it, doing a cycle with a less than full DW was  still a vast improvement on the current situation (at least 4 bags for life with some pots in (some were mixed with recyclables) plus stuff in the sink and on the side.

I had a shower when I got upstairs to make sure I was properly warm and my limbs didn't stiffen up. I've used ibuprofen gel on the middle of my back (also finished off some toiletries this morning) and would like to sew but may just read and /or watch a couple more episodes of this police drama. My gardening hands could use some tlc too.

Grateful for making progress, my lovely little fox cross-stitch (he's so cute), finding a comfortable position to lie/ sit in, my bed and clean sheets

lcc86

NSD number 1 today 

Non-working day, got a couple of annoying jobs out the way first thing, then went to the gym for a decent long workout. Walked there and back too.

Had the afternoon to myself just reading and playing games. Not much else to report but it was a good way to spend a free day and a good start to the week. Am prepped for work tomorrow and just about to hop in the bath.

abundant1972

Good evening 🌖

Welcome laura! Sounds like you have some great goals there 😊

Am very proud of myself today. I went through my fridge and used up veg that was on the turn!!! Made up a few lunches, did a stocktake and then a food shop. Really wanted a C*osta - but curbed my 'want' and just bought what I 'needed'. I have a Nespresso at home and need to use some of my less exciting pods. Cancelled my sub ages ago and just buy tinned coffee again now, and an occasional sleeve if I have food budget money spare. In a bid to lump all my spend days together - I bought birthday cards for this month, and my planner for 2024 ahead of time.

Managed the gym too and got some bits done around the house. Making my support group tonight for the first time in over a month. I'll sleep well tonight!!!

Today I am grateful for:

1) Nice chat and a laugh with a mate
2) My gym and all the familiar faces that make me feel part of something
3) Hilarious birthday cards.  

Today = spend day. NSD total = 1

Have a cosy evening people 🎃 x

cybertortoise

NSD 1/15 for me.

Took lunch to work, came home and cooked something from the freezer. And didn't buy snacks this evening. All in all a win.

Reading through your posts reminded me that the bins needed to go out so I'm very grateful for that.

DrCarrie

Evening Turtles,

I am grateful for the rose garden still going, having some nice feedback, and staying on track with food. 

Didn't get all my to-dos done, but did get quite a lot done. I started the day really well, with a 10-minute meditation in the park, and a cup of coffee there too... I have started to put makeup on again, this dropped off for a range for reasons, but I am enjoying spending that time with myself, seeing myself, and caring for myself. 

Low spend day. Made almond milk and had some delish sweet potato and coconut soup. 

Had a strop with the solicitor. 

apple_muncher

Today I am grateful for a quiet day as dh was out for most of it, for giving eyes and necks and whiskers where appropriate to various Santas, elves and Hello Kittys, for starting on stabbing some turtles (dc says they're tortoises 🐢), for prepping some fruit and veg so we're more likely to eat them.