An in-between phase

beanielou

Good news at last.Bittersweet.

PennysIntoPounds

Aye @beanielou 🥂 💔

Nice idea @badmemory but I doubt they'd read it and who even to address it to when it's a whole trust-wide culture of thinking that enormous ineptitude and disrespectfulness is normal.

It's fine, the money is in an interest earning account and it will stay there while I go through all the feelings. Just had a very big sob.

However I think I will still casually pursue the complaint aspect, even if it gets nowhere and I have to give up to not go mad, if it gets 1% of the issue into 1% of the brain of 1 individual, maybe it'll at least help an extra 1% of the people who have to deal with them who are less capable/scared/dying have a bit of a better outcome 

Sun_Addict

It wouldn’t hurt to drop a complaint their way. Sounds like they need some honest feedback. It would be wonderful to treat yourself to something to remember your dad by with some of the money. 

KajiKita

Sending hugs. A discombobulating day I think. 

I’m with SunAddict - lodge the complaint and definitely treat yourself to something ‘from your dad’.

KK

WelshmansDaughter

One of the things I am planning is to plant a tree or something similar in my dad’s memory. I favour the idea that he has gone back to nature so a tree growing is a representation of that. 

There are many different types of memorial options so that could be an option for some of the money.

Blackcats

Bittersweet that you have finally received the money.

difficult to know what to suggest about the ongoing complaint.  when I find myself in a spiral of hurumphing and muttering about things that are far less significant and awful than the situation you have experienced, I paraphrase Nelson Mandela "bearing a grudge is like drinking the poison yourself and hoping it kills your enemy".  I know yours is far, far worse than a grudge but I find it sound advice.

alternatively, you could check the Trust's website for their board and find an appropriate non-exec Director to write to.  This link to the fairytale description of their role shows several specifics where they should take an interest and seek accountability from the leadership team for learning from the bigger picture of what happened to your dad and to you.

https://www.england.nhs.uk/1sthi5thew4y/wp-content/uploads/sites/54/2020/08/NED2_About_the_ned_role_final.pdf

EssexHebridean

Ahh yes bittersweet sums it up. I still slightly wonder if we should have pursued things around my Dad, but frankly I just didn't have the stomach for it at the time. there was certainly negligence, no question about that, and I don't think the letter to the trust will have any "grand scheme of things" effect. I did have a conversation with several members of staff on the morning he died which I was told would undoubtedly stay with them throughout their careers - not in any way rude, more "I'm not angry, I'm disappointed" type of thing. 

I'd say if you need more closure, then that's what you should pursue, but equally, if you feel you can let it go now, that might be the right approach, I know, unhelpful much, soz. 

And definitely use a bit of the money to buy yourself something tangible that you will love, in his memory. Doesn't need to be a lot, just "something". 

redofromstart

I like the idea of a last gift from your Dad with some of the money. 

Blackcats

PIP - I forgot to say that I agree with others that a nice gift from your dad is entirely an appropriate way to use some of that money.  

I'm not sure whether you are a jewellery person but I wear my mum's bracelet - it feels symbolic that it encircles my wrist and somehow wraps her spirit around me.  It's a very simple bangle but it is lovely to touch and comforting without being showy or too good to use type item.

PennysIntoPounds

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, stories, and encouragement. I think £500 is definitely bookmarked in my head for flat fund, as that's half of one of our thousands, and it will please me and spirit of my Dad to contribute a nice wodge.
It's nice to hear you all think a final gift from me da is an appropriate use of some of the rest, I thought it would be a really nice thing but wondered if I was being indulgent when we don't have housing lined up! I was very much thinking a good quality but not flashy piece of jewellery too. And that has the benefit of getting a tenner back down the pawn shop if we end up homeless 😂😭😂