Husband deals with all the finances

RebekahR

Sarahspangles said:

So at the moment the only card in your purse is for your own account?  How do buy the family food and clothes?

Correct. He transfers me pocket money and tops me up when needed. Out of that I buy any shopping needed 

Sarahspangles

RebekahR said:

Sarahspangles said:

So at the moment the only card in your purse is for your own account?  How do buy the family food and clothes?

Correct. He transfers me pocket money and tops me up when needed. Out of that I buy any shopping needed 

That’s not really my definition of ‘pocket money’ - that’s housekeeping.  None of this sounds ‘normal’ - what do your friends and family think about it?

Bonniepurple

Over the last 20 years, I think we’ve been through every variation of accounts!  We started off with our own and a joint as that was what my parents had.  DH had debts and so I just paid for everything out of my account and we closed the joint one.  We continued with separate accounts for years, but I was happy for DH to use the account.  When we got a mortgage, I wanted to make sure that if I died the payments would still continue, so I added DH to my individual account.  

What you’ve got at the moment isn’t working for you.  It may be financial abuse, or it may be that your husband feels that he’s being genuinely helpful taking the responsibility from you.  Check the bank statements and find out who the providers are - and then ask him.  Not in a “we need to talk about money” way, but in a “is our broadband provider still X?” way.

RebekahR

Debbie9009 said:

OP maybe have a read of this, whilst this poster is in a different position to you I think it shows how difficult life can be if things aren’t put in place properly to allow you to take care of your children and yourself and possibly your husband too.  Maybe you could show him this to help him understand your concerns.  It’s certainly not unreasonable for you to want to know that you will have access to whatever you need, in the event something awful happens.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6432409/husband-detained-under-mental-health-act-can-i-run-his-business#latest

So we both need POAs too!

RebekahR

Sarahspangles said:

RebekahR said:

Sarahspangles said:

So at the moment the only card in your purse is for your own account?  How do buy the family food and clothes?

Correct. He transfers me pocket money and tops me up when needed. Out of that I buy any shopping needed 

That’s not really my definition of ‘pocket money’ - that’s housekeeping.  None of this sounds ‘normal’ - what do your friends and family think about it?

It's basically money I can spend on anything. He does a big shop at the weekend himself. I buy top ups during the week. Clothing I mostly buy too unless we get something at Sainsbury's etc

Mojisola

He's treating you like a child rather than an equal partner.

RebekahR

Family don't know and wouldn't give a damn anyway. One of my friends thinks we should have joint account and I should know what everything is/comes from. I don't have any other friends to talk about it with. I'm pretty much a loner tbh!

NlghtOwl

RebekahR said:

RAS said:

Does he have a will? For that matter, do you? Who are the executors?

This matters as some banks will release quite large sums to the executor or next of kin, although it should not then be used for family living costs.

Trying to understand the extent of the problem, here.

If he was hurt in a car crash and unconscious, would you know who to contact re the car insurance, any health/mortgage protection insurance? And it anything then happened in the house, do you know who to contact re house insurance, repairs etc? 

Neither of us have a will. I have nothing to leave. No money and no real possessions. So your saying if there is a will the bank will give the next of kin some of the funds? Why on earth can't you use it for living on. Bit daft. Or i'm just dumb ...!

No idea on car insurance, no health insurance. Mortgage protection i've never heard of. Again no idea who the house insurance is with. Repairs I guess is a local builder/plumber etc etc.

“You’ve no possessions or money” That’s the point I’m afraid you’re missing, you are married so half of his money is yours. If he has money then so do you. You need access to the money generally and in the event of him dying or having an accident and losing capacity.  Without this info it would be an admin and emotional nightmare and could prevent you looking after him if something were to happen.

I don’t want this to come across as having a go at you but to point out these important issues to anyone else reading these threads. Good luck 

MikeJXE

A very sad state of affairs 

You couldn't make it up, or could you 

If what you are saying is true it's almost unbelievable but I guess possible

Your not a wife, a partner or anything to do with a loving relationship 

I guess your a slave

If you have tried talking to him and that don't work  I would change my tactics if I was you. get some paracetamol but don't take them unless you need them. Leave them lying about and complain of severe headaches caused by the stress of not knowing how to deal with anything if he came to harm. 

Severe headaches and a change of bedroom exercise might change his mind 

RebekahR

NlghtOwl said:

RebekahR said:

RAS said:

Does he have a will? For that matter, do you? Who are the executors?

This matters as some banks will release quite large sums to the executor or next of kin, although it should not then be used for family living costs.

Trying to understand the extent of the problem, here.

If he was hurt in a car crash and unconscious, would you know who to contact re the car insurance, any health/mortgage protection insurance? And it anything then happened in the house, do you know who to contact re house insurance, repairs etc? 

Neither of us have a will. I have nothing to leave. No money and no real possessions. So your saying if there is a will the bank will give the next of kin some of the funds? Why on earth can't you use it for living on. Bit daft. Or i'm just dumb ...!

No idea on car insurance, no health insurance. Mortgage protection i've never heard of. Again no idea who the house insurance is with. Repairs I guess is a local builder/plumber etc etc.

“You’ve no possessions or money” That’s the point I’m afraid you’re missing, you are married so half of his money is yours. If he has money then so do you. You need access to the money generally and in the event of him dying or having an accident and losing capacity.  Without this info it would be an admin and emotional nightmare and could prevent you looking after him if something were to happen.

I don’t want this to come across as having a go at you but to point out these important issues to anyone else reading these threads. Good luck 

I just dont feel like it should be my money. I've not earned it. And he clearly views it also as not my money to keep it separate. I will think more seriously about a POA though as that is a damn good point. Is that all I need in the event of accident/capacity loss or is there any thing else?