Husband deals with all the finances

Emmia

msb1234 said:

RebekahR said:

msb1234 said:

Your husband is financially abusing you. Set a time when you will have mo distractions - send the kids to grandmas or a friend, sit down with the TV off and have a laptop / ipad at the ready then tell him to log on to your bank accounts and show you. As a bare minimum you should have a joint account for all the household spending and you should have full access to this account. 

I have been campaigning for a joint account for years but he won't have any of it. He does leave his bank statements lying around but that would be really bad of me to look at those to see what outgoings are.

So go to the bank and tell them you need access to the accounts if your name is on them. They take financial abuse very seriously these days. 

Her name isn't on them, the accounts and the house are in his name alone, so she can't "demand" anything at the bank.

RebekahR

msb1234 said:

RebekahR said:

msb1234 said:

Your husband is financially abusing you. Set a time when you will have mo distractions - send the kids to grandmas or a friend, sit down with the TV off and have a laptop / ipad at the ready then tell him to log on to your bank accounts and show you. As a bare minimum you should have a joint account for all the household spending and you should have full access to this account. 

I have been campaigning for a joint account for years but he won't have any of it. He does leave his bank statements lying around but that would be really bad of me to look at those to see what outgoings are.

So go to the bank and tell them you need access to the accounts if your name is on them. They take financial abuse very seriously these days. 

He has his bank account. I have my bank account. There is no joint account. I want one. He doesn't. I'm guessing he just doesn't trust me. If he doesn't after 20 years then he never will ...

RebekahR

How much money should I be aiming to save up in my rainy day fund?

Sarahspangles

RebekahR said:

How much money should I be aiming to save up in my rainy day fund?

The usual starting point for a decent rainy day fund is three months’ living expenses. To continue living in the house you’d need to pay utility bills, council tax etc from the day he dies but stuff like a mortgage is a debt for the estate to pay. His funeral costs would come from his account. If he doesn’t make a will it could take a while to sort out his estate. There are people who have passed the six month point waiting for probate, and that’s after they’ve applied, there’s legwork before that. You wouldn’t immediately have the right to find out stuff like bank balances that you didn’t know from paperwork at the house.

J63320

If you are serious about the problems in your family, then it is even more important to make arrangements for your children in case something happens to both of you. What would happen if members of your family stepped forward offering to take care of the children after you are gone? 

Maybe approaching the matter of wills from this point of view would get your husband to take it seriously.

RebekahR

Sarahspangles said:

RebekahR said:

How much money should I be aiming to save up in my rainy day fund?

The usual starting point for a decent rainy day fund is three months’ living expenses. To continue living in the house you’d need to pay utility bills, council tax etc from the day he dies but stuff like a mortgage is a debt for the estate to pay. His funeral costs would come from his account. If he doesn’t make a will it could take a while to sort out his estate. There are people who have passed the six month point waiting for probate, and that’s after they’ve applied, there’s legwork before that. You wouldn’t immediately have the right to find out stuff like bank balances that you didn’t know from paperwork at the house.

I thought I read somewhere that probate can take up to 18 months. So I've been basing 18 months for paying everything.

Sarahspangles

I

RebekahR said:

Sarahspangles said:

RebekahR said:

How much money should I be aiming to save up in my rainy day fund?

The usual starting point for a decent rainy day fund is three months’ living expenses. To continue living in the house you’d need to pay utility bills, council tax etc from the day he dies but stuff like a mortgage is a debt for the estate to pay. His funeral costs would come from his account. If he doesn’t make a will it could take a while to sort out his estate. There are people who have passed the six month point waiting for probate, and that’s after they’ve applied, there’s legwork before that. You wouldn’t immediately have the right to find out stuff like bank balances that you didn’t know from paperwork at the house.

I thought I read somewhere that probate can take up to 18 months. So I've been basing 18 months for paying everything.

It can but it’s unusual - you presumably can’t do anything at this point other than keep saving.  I think I’d be more concerned about legal expenses if he died.

The only time I’ve been in a relationship and had a ‘running away fund’ I knew I was going to run away, I just hadn’t admitted it to myself.  Is yours really a rainy day fund?

RebekahR

Sarahspangles said:

I

RebekahR said:

Sarahspangles said:

RebekahR said:

How much money should I be aiming to save up in my rainy day fund?

The usual starting point for a decent rainy day fund is three months’ living expenses. To continue living in the house you’d need to pay utility bills, council tax etc from the day he dies but stuff like a mortgage is a debt for the estate to pay. His funeral costs would come from his account. If he doesn’t make a will it could take a while to sort out his estate. There are people who have passed the six month point waiting for probate, and that’s after they’ve applied, there’s legwork before that. You wouldn’t immediately have the right to find out stuff like bank balances that you didn’t know from paperwork at the house.

I thought I read somewhere that probate can take up to 18 months. So I've been basing 18 months for paying everything.

It can but it’s unusual - you presumably can’t do anything at this point other than keep saving.  I think I’d be more concerned about legal expenses if he died.

The only time I’ve been in a relationship and had a ‘running away fund’ I knew I was going to run away, I just hadn’t admitted it to myself.  Is yours really a rainy day fund?

Mine is a in case he died fund. I'm not running away. Oh god I haven't even thought of legal fees ... Now I'm scared again. How much do I have to save for that? Yea nothing I can do I'm screwed. Which kinda makes this whole thread pointless ...

Sarahspangles

So at the moment the only card in your purse is for your own account?  How do buy the family food and clothes?

Debbie9009

OP maybe have a read of this, whilst this poster is in a different position to you I think it shows how difficult life can be if things aren’t put in place properly to allow you to take care of your children and yourself and possibly your husband too.  Maybe you could show him this to help him understand your concerns.  It’s certainly not unreasonable for you to want to know that you will have access to whatever you need, in the event something awful happens.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6432409/husband-detained-under-mental-health-act-can-i-run-his-business#latest