Husband deals with all the finances

RAS

Does he have a will? For that matter, do you? Who are the executors?

This matters as some banks will release quite large sums to the executor or next of kin, although it should not then be used for family living costs.

Trying to understand the extent of the problem, here.

If he was hurt in a car crash and unconscious, would you know who to contact re the car insurance, any health/mortgage protection insurance? And it anything then happened in the house, do you know who to contact re house insurance, repairs etc? 

Emmia

RebekahR said:

Emmia said:

In the event that he pops it, is there life insurance in place that would pay off the mortgage/give you money to live on for a bit?

Has he insured your life? With a payout intended to cover childcare costs? 

If I were you, I'd find a job (to give yourself a bit of financial independence) and send your wages straight into a savings account. 

Are you worried that he's not paying the bills at all? Or that he's in financial difficulties?

He has life insurance through work he told me ages ago. Not sure how I go about taking it out though. No insurance on me but we don't use childcare as both are in school. Haven't used childcare since nursery and even then he payed for it not me.

I have no worries over the overall financial situation. I've seen his statements - as I said above

The insurance his employer provides may or may not pay out enough (he could have £ 1 million or a few thousand as a payout) in this circumstance (and that's presuming he doesn't move employers in the meantime).

Does the life insurance pay off the mortgage and have money left over? Or would you be trying to sell the house (which is in his name only) to clear the mortgage in case of his death?

What about long-term disablement, meaning he cannot work - again, the mortgage would still need to be paid... I don't want to catastrophize but unfortunately, if that stuff happened (and it does...), you'd potentially be in a bit of a pickle. I hope (however "traditional" he might be) that your husband cares enough that he wouldn't want you to be in financial difficulties / or unsure what money may be where if he popped his clogs. 

Personally, I don't have the details of my husband's financial accounts, their amounts/balances, etc., and he doesn't have mine - however, we both have wills, and life insurance that will pay off the mortgage (with a bit left over) plus joint savings account with three months of expenditure and a joint account for the groceries - and we both have good incomes individually - so if the worst happened, I know that I (or he) will be ok financially.   

RebekahR

millie said:

Age UK have a book you can get for free called a life book, It will be the same idea as the book of doom. On the cover it says An easy to use and safe method of recording the practical details of your life. Hopefully this link will work.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/end-of-life-planning/lifebook/

Got it! Thank you

RebekahR

RAS said:

Does he have a will? For that matter, do you? Who are the executors?

This matters as some banks will release quite large sums to the executor or next of kin, although it should not then be used for family living costs.

Trying to understand the extent of the problem, here.

If he was hurt in a car crash and unconscious, would you know who to contact re the car insurance, any health/mortgage protection insurance? And it anything then happened in the house, do you know who to contact re house insurance, repairs etc? 

Neither of us have a will. I have nothing to leave. No money and no real possessions. So your saying if there is a will the bank will give the next of kin some of the funds? Why on earth can't you use it for living on. Bit daft. Or i'm just dumb ...!

No idea on car insurance, no health insurance. Mortgage protection i've never heard of. Again no idea who the house insurance is with. Repairs I guess is a local builder/plumber etc etc.

RebekahR

Emmia said:

RebekahR said:

Emmia said:

In the event that he pops it, is there life insurance in place that would pay off the mortgage/give you money to live on for a bit?

Has he insured your life? With a payout intended to cover childcare costs? 

If I were you, I'd find a job (to give yourself a bit of financial independence) and send your wages straight into a savings account. 

Are you worried that he's not paying the bills at all? Or that he's in financial difficulties?

He has life insurance through work he told me ages ago. Not sure how I go about taking it out though. No insurance on me but we don't use childcare as both are in school. Haven't used childcare since nursery and even then he payed for it not me.

I have no worries over the overall financial situation. I've seen his statements - as I said above

The insurance his employer provides may or may not pay out enough (he could have £ 1 million or a few thousand as a payout) in this circumstance (and that's presuming he doesn't move employers in the meantime).

Does the life insurance pay off the mortgage and have money left over? Or would you be trying to sell the house (which is in his name only) to clear the mortgage in case of his death?

What about long-term disablement, meaning he cannot work - again, the mortgage would still need to be paid... I don't want to catastrophize but unfortunately, if that stuff happened (and it does...), you'd potentially be in a bit of a pickle. I hope (however "traditional" he might be) that your husband cares enough that he wouldn't want you to be in financial difficulties / or unsure what money may be where if he popped his clogs. 

Personally, I don't have the details of my husband's financial accounts, their amounts/balances, etc., and he doesn't have mine - however, we both have wills, and life insurance that will pay off the mortgage (with a bit left over) plus joint savings account with three months of expenditure and a joint account for the groceries - and we both have good incomes individually - so if the worst happened, I know that I (or he) will be ok financially.   

I asked earlier about the insurance and he said this: "Like 4x my salary or something (rising to 9x if I die on the job!),

Certianly enough to pay off the mortgage and keep you going for a few years. No point you having life insurance, if you die I'll be fine financially".

If the event of disablement his parents are down to pay the mortgage on his behalf. Once she pops it then we will come into a lot of money which could pay off the mortgage.

Emmia

RebekahR said:

RAS said:

Does he have a will? For that matter, do you? Who are the executors?

This matters as some banks will release quite large sums to the executor or next of kin, although it should not then be used for family living costs.

Trying to understand the extent of the problem, here.

If he was hurt in a car crash and unconscious, would you know who to contact re the car insurance, any health/mortgage protection insurance? And it anything then happened in the house, do you know who to contact re house insurance, repairs etc? 

Neither of us have a will. I have nothing to leave. No money and no real possessions. So your saying if there is a will the bank will give the next of kin some of the funds? Why on earth can't you use it for living on. Bit daft. Or i'm just dumb ...!

No idea on car insurance, no health insurance. Mortgage protection i've never heard of. Again no idea who the house insurance is with. Repairs I guess is a local builder/plumber etc etc.

You have kids, so you both ought to have wills. If you both die in the proverbial fiery plane crash, who would you like to look after them? 

I think the only payments that can be legitimately made out of the deceased's account, once the bank is notified of the death are to pay for the funeral, and would normally go straight to the undertaker, so this wouldn't be money that you could access...

Accessing money after your husband had died, but before notifying the bank would be fraud. (and how would you do it, if you don't have any login details, cards, pin numbers etc.??)

And in terms of the inheritance, presumably, that is to him alone (and getting paid into his account). If he predeceased his mother, then you may get nothing on her demise, depending on the terms of her will.

RebekahR

Emmia said:

RebekahR said:

RAS said:

Does he have a will? For that matter, do you? Who are the executors?

This matters as some banks will release quite large sums to the executor or next of kin, although it should not then be used for family living costs.

Trying to understand the extent of the problem, here.

If he was hurt in a car crash and unconscious, would you know who to contact re the car insurance, any health/mortgage protection insurance? And it anything then happened in the house, do you know who to contact re house insurance, repairs etc? 

Neither of us have a will. I have nothing to leave. No money and no real possessions. So your saying if there is a will the bank will give the next of kin some of the funds? Why on earth can't you use it for living on. Bit daft. Or i'm just dumb ...!

No idea on car insurance, no health insurance. Mortgage protection i've never heard of. Again no idea who the house insurance is with. Repairs I guess is a local builder/plumber etc etc.

You have kids, so you both ought to have wills. If you both die in the proverbial fiery plane crash, who would you like to look after them? 

I think the only payments that can be legitimately made out of the deceased's account, once the bank is notified of the death are to pay for the funeral, and would normally go straight to the undertaker, so this wouldn't be money that you could access...

Accessing money after your husband had died, but before notifying the bank would be fraud. (and how would you do it, if you don't have any login details, cards, pin numbers etc.??)

And in terms of the inheritance, presumably, that is to him alone (and getting paid into his account). If he predeceased his mother, then you may get nothing on her demise, depending on the terms of her will.

I have no idea where the kids would go. My family are full of child abusers and hubby is an only child with no other family in this country other than his mother. I still even to this day don't know who I would want the kids to go to. 

The access being made would be direct debits for bills only. I won't be able to get anything else until after probate.

True the inheritance goes straight to him. Although if he died before her I've no idea who would deal with those funds/house as I'm not named on anything.

msb1234

RebekahR said:

msb1234 said:

Your husband is financially abusing you. Set a time when you will have mo distractions - send the kids to grandmas or a friend, sit down with the TV off and have a laptop / ipad at the ready then tell him to log on to your bank accounts and show you. As a bare minimum you should have a joint account for all the household spending and you should have full access to this account. 

I have been campaigning for a joint account for years but he won't have any of it. He does leave his bank statements lying around but that would be really bad of me to look at those to see what outgoings are.

So go to the bank and tell them you need access to the accounts if your name is on them. They take financial abuse very seriously these days. 

msb1234

I think Women’s Aid may well disagree with you.
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/financial-abuse/

Sarahspangles

Whether or not this is actually abuse, he’s clearly not empathising with what it feels like to be in your position, mainly because he’s not in your position.  Maybe he’s repeating what worked in his family - when my FIL passed away he had everything ready for my OH to step into his place (including power of attorney) so that MIL didn’t have to shoulder any responsibility - but then in her case she didn’t want to.  OH has had to accept that wouldn’t work for me, Queen of spreadsheets.  Or maybe in your OH’s case it’s a cultural thing (you mentioned family in another country).  But presumably if you have a son he’s not old enough to take up the reins either.

Would it encourage him to rethink if there were actual decisions to make, around now?  I think it’s still the case that when your children get to secondary age, you no longer get NI credits towards your state pension.  Also you get a Personal Savings Allowance and an ISA allowance, if he’s starting to incur tax on his own savings, some of it could be transferred.

it’s worrying if he has no will.  Does he realise that if he dies intestate it doesn’t all go to you, but if he’s worth a lot it’s split between you and the children?