Using mediation for financial agreement

NornIronRose

I've told him that I will fill in the forms myself using the financial info on the ones from the solicitor. 
He has agreed to give me the £1k back so that I can get it checked by a solicitor. 

So we are getting somewhere. I have had a number of messages saying we need to sort it out today but I've now blocked him. I was using my work phone so that I didn't have to see his messages until I wanted to, but it's just easier this way. 

Lavendyr

NornIronRose said:

Thank you all. 
I love that I can get some unbiased grounding here. Good point about the solicitor's fees. I genuinely hadn't considered it the way you lot have seen it. It wasn't the divorce fees by the way, as I had paid those, then kept half of the fee back from money that belonged to him that I sent back to him.

I've just had another message from him demanding that I email his solicitor with the amendments that I want to be made. 
I realise that I have made a mistake in giving him half the money for the solicitor to have drawn this up. Now I am left with a useless agreement, and a grand out of pocket, that I could have used for my own solicitor to check the agreement. 
I am 100% not going to sign this one. 
Not sure what the best course of action is so feel free to chuck in your ha'pence worth. 

a) Do I email his solicitor with the amendments that I want?

b) email ex back and tell him that we can go ahead with the divorce and do the financial agreement at a later date (which I'm sure is possible)?

c) email ex and ask him for the £1k back so that I can use it to instruct my own solicitor?

I am not going to engage in any more text conversations with him. Every message (especially the voice messages) send my blood pressure up I'm sure. I did previously tell him that it needs to be essential emails only, but I was so shocked, and furious, yesterday when I read the agreement that I texted him. 

a) NO.

b) NO. Absolutely no. Do not divorce without a financial settlement in place.

c) Maybe.

I haven't kept up fully but please instruct your own solicitor and refrain from direct comms from that point. Gather evidence of the coerciveness. I wish you all the best. 

tightauldgit

NornIronRose said:

Just wanted to add that he did not 'gift' me the money, that I then paid back. 
This was his money in an account that he made me open in my name. Then asked me to withdraw and transfer it to him. Which I did, as it was his money anyway. 

And yes, he 'made' me open it. I'm sure you can all see the pattern here. 

Once he put the money in an account in your name that was legally a gift to you and your property. You had absolutely no obligaton to pay it back to him until a financial order said some of the asset needed to be transferred. 

I appreciate that you might feel otherwise but what I'm trying to get over to you is that you are handicapping yourself with these thoughts and that's why you really need some external advice and support. You need to put yourself first and make decisions to protect yourself first and foremost. Even if you decide in the end to give him whatever he asks for then theres no need to rush until there's a court order.

NornIronRose

Back in court this morning re the non-mol order. 
Haven't checked his emails since I blocked him yesterday on my phone. 
As soon as he puts the money back in my account I will find my own solicitor. 

Gosh, this is so much harder than I thought it would be. Just grateful that my yoingest is 16 and I don't have wee ones to be worrying about. 

RAS

Do tell the court about the continued coercion and financial control

NornIronRose

Court was adjourned again yesterday as he didn't show up and they didn't have evidence that he had been informed about the hearing. Interim order still stays in place anyway. 

I have emailed his solicitor back with all of the amendments that need to be made to the agreement. Once she has made those amendments, I will get my own solicitor to check it before I sign it. 

She may be surprised as I want changes made to almost every section, or have questions about certain sections. I took the time to go through it with a fine tooth comb. Anything that I don't understand, I have asked her to clarify. 

He is slowly coming to the realisation that I am not giving in. 
He will be getting frustrated as he was desperste for me to sign it and be done with it. 

I'm on a course today with no intention of checking my emails. Might not even check tomorrow either. 

TBagpuss

NornIronRose said:

Thank you all. 
I love that I can get some unbiased grounding here. Good point about the solicitor's fees. I genuinely hadn't considered it the way you lot have seen it. It wasn't the divorce fees by the way, as I had paid those, then kept half of the fee back from money that belonged to him that I sent back to him.

I've just had another message from him demanding that I email his solicitor with the amendments that I want to be made. 
I realise that I have made a mistake in giving him half the money for the solicitor to have drawn this up. Now I am left with a useless agreement, and a grand out of pocket, that I could have used for my own solicitor to check the agreement. 
I am 100% not going to sign this one. 
Not sure what the best course of action is so feel free to chuck in your ha'pence worth. 

a) Do I email his solicitor with the amendments that I want?

b) email ex back and tell him that we can go ahead with the divorce and do the financial agreement at a later date (which I'm sure is possible)?

c) email ex and ask him for the £1k back so that I can use it to instruct my own solicitor?

I am not going to engage in any more text conversations with him. Every message (especially the voice messages) send my blood pressure up I'm sure. I did previously tell him that it needs to be essential emails only, but I was so shocked, and furious, yesterday when I read the agreement that I texted him. 

Go and see a solicitor, discuss with them what you have told us, talk to them about what you want as an outcome and have them write to his solicitor .

If you want, before that, then contact him and his solicitor and say that you need to go through the agreement with a solicitor and will need him to return the £1000 you have paid to enable you to do so. Alternatively, if you have any other available funds, use those but ask your solicitor to include provision that he will pay1/2, or £1,000 whichever is greater towards your fees. 

TBagpuss

NornIronRose said:

Court was adjourned again yesterday as he didn't show up and they didn't have evidence that he had been informed about the hearing. Interim order still stays in place anyway. 

I have emailed his solicitor back with all of the amendments that need to be made to the agreement. Once she has made those amendments, I will get my own solicitor to check it before I sign it. 

She may be surprised as I want changes made to almost every section, or have questions about certain sections. I took the time to go through it with a fine tooth comb. Anything that I don't understand, I have asked her to clarify. 

He is slowly coming to the realisation that I am not giving in. 
He will be getting frustrated as he was desperste for me to sign it and be done with it. 

I'm on a course today with no intention of checking my emails. Might not even check tomorrow either. 

No - see your solicitor FIRST , then get them to go back with amendments. That way, you are only going back to his solicitors once and you get some proper advice in case there is anything you are overlooking . Plus he and his solicitors are likel to take it much more seriously coming from your solicitor,

RAS

NornIronRose

You must stop undermining yourself. Stop communicating with your ex and with his solicitor.

Go see a good divorce lawyer. Talk through your requirements and ask them to write the financial consent order, not his solicitor.

And, do you have a full financial disclosure yet? I doubt the judge will play ball unless you've both completed them.

NornIronRose

Too late TBagpuss. I already sent ut back to his solicitor to make the changes. 
I'm planning to find a solicitor tomorrow, when I'm off, to check through it all and see if a judge would consider it fair. 

Does anyone know the pricedure, once ee have both signed? I know that the agreement will go before a judge for consideration. If they believe it to be unfair to either party they can send it back and ask for changes. 

I think this is where solicitors could really make their money with making amendments. 

It is very obvious to me that the agreement has been written up and looks 'fair' in its original form. 
It won't look so fair once the amendments are made.