Using mediation for financial agreement

NornIronRose

Ex did pay dower FYI. 
On the other hand, did pick and choose what he did according to shariah, but that does not mean that I should do the same. 

NornIronRose

YoungBlueEyes said:

I hope @NornIronRose gets an appropriate solicitor. That's gonna be key in this situation I think.

I have contacted the firm that Billy2shots gave the link for. Exactly what I had been looking for. 
Waiting to hear back from them. 

Oh, just a wee update. I had emailed his solicitor with all of the honest amendments that needed to be made. Emailed ex to let him know I had done this as he had been asking for it for 5 days. His reply? Why did you send it directly to her? She will charge him £30 for every email or call to him. 
Apparently that was the wrong thing to do as we had agreed to sort it out between us. Tough. 
I listened to you guys (kind of) and contacted the solicitor directly. 
He would have looked at all the amendments and wanted to tweak this, or remove that etc etc. 
I promise that once it is amended, I shall get it checked by my solicitor before it goes before the court. 
I have absolutely nothing to lose at this point. 

YoungBlueEyes

Fingers crossed that they get back to you and take you on. I'm rooting for you

tightauldgit

NornIronRose said:

YoungBlueEyes said:

I hope @NornIronRose gets an appropriate solicitor. That's gonna be key in this situation I think.

I have contacted the firm that Billy2shots gave the link for. Exactly what I had been looking for. 
Waiting to hear back from them. 

Oh, just a wee update. I had emailed his solicitor with all of the honest amendments that needed to be made. Emailed ex to let him know I had done this as he had been asking for it for 5 days. His reply? Why did you send it directly to her? She will charge him £30 for every email or call to him. 
Apparently that was the wrong thing to do as we had agreed to sort it out between us. Tough. 
I listened to you guys (kind of) and contacted the solicitor directly. 
He would have looked at all the amendments and wanted to tweak this, or remove that etc etc. 
I promise that once it is amended, I shall get it checked by my solicitor before it goes before the court. 
I have absolutely nothing to lose at this point. 

Generally if he has a solicitor representing him then you should deal with the solicitor directly. You cannot have your communication to the solicitor filtered through what he chooses to tell them or not or how he wants to interpret your responses.

 

NornIronRose

Going to check my emails now and see if there is anything from his solicitor. I think I will ignore any emails that cone from him. Best to not even look! 
Thanks TightAuldGit btw. I figured that if the ex is the middle man, as he has been til now, it will just cause more problems. I really hope he does give me the £1k back that I paid to him for his solicitor. Still kicking myself with that one but nothing I can do now. Putting it down as lost money and if I do get it, it will be a bonus. 

Even if I don't get it back, I will be hoping to engage a decent solicitor myself. 

NornIronRose

Ok I gave in. Nothing from his solicitor yet but an email from him the heading of which mentioned the solicitor. 
I forwarded him the email that I sent to her. 
His latest emails are repeatedly saying the same thing. 'Ok, you promise that if I have to give you any money as ordered by the judge, that you give it back to me. I trust you'. etc etc. 
I will be keeping these emails as evidence because it is really now rubbing me up the wrong way. I don't like that he is trying to make me feel greedy. 

Oh, and also 'Come on. I am supposed to be paying child support and that won't happen til the agreement is finalised'. Words to that effect. A bit of an effort on his part to try to make me agree to something that I am not comfortable with.
Really what I should do is to email his solicitor to say that it needs to be backdated £200 per month until he starts paying regularly. 
There is already one month more due since he proposed to pay. 

I have just sent one line back to say that my position remains that I shall not be hiding or lying about any money. And that it is my last direct email to him. 

Hopefully I will hear from the solicitor I have contacted to act for me. Will chase them up tomorrow if not. 

YoungBlueEyes

I was going to say this earlier but I couldn't think how to phrase it gently.

I wouldn't be deleting anything he sends you - emails/texts. You may need these things as evidence. Let him send whatever he likes, you don't have to read them or respond to them, but keep them. Always. Just in case.

It'll hopefully not come to that, but better to be prepared.

NornIronRose

Thank you. Good advice and I haven't been deleting anything. Blocked him but keeping a record. 

YoungBlueEyes

Sorry I meant unblock him, then keep everything that comes through.

When you block someone and they text you, it says "not delivered" on the other end. You want the pipeline open.

Actually I don't know if that applies to all phones/providers (?)

Malthusian

NornIronRose said:

Ex did pay dower FYI. 
On the other hand, did pick and choose what he did according to shariah, but that does not mean that I should do the same. 

I stand corrected. Still, I would hazard a guess that the dower would probably not have been considered a reasonable price 1,200 years ago when the rules were invented, otherwise you would be able to walk away with it and it would be deemed a fair share even by the secular courts, without any need to transfer assets.

NornIronRose said:

His latest emails are repeatedly saying the same thing. 'Ok, you promise that if I have to give you any money as ordered by the judge, that you give it back to me. I trust you'. etc etc. 

You definitely need to keep these as evidence. I have a feeling that when the judge sees those they will hit the roof.
I would even be inclined to ask my solicitor whether it's contempt of court to try to coerce the ex-spouse into undoing the court order behind the court's back once the process is completed. (I have a feeling it isn't, I'd just like a solicitor to give an educated opinion.)