Using mediation for financial agreement

YoungBlueEyes

Another thought - and I'm still not a lawyer! - what does the non mol say communicating directly? Please don't be getting yourself into trouble for something that seems trivial (emails)

tightauldgit

Why on earth would you return any money to him after its awarded by the court? What planet is he on? 

NornIronRose

Non-mol doesn't stop direct contact. Just harassment, intimidation, pestering, threatening etc. 
He did email, and got his solicitor to check it, to ask if we could communicate re the house sale. In his mind all the emails will have been necessary. But I don't agree. 

I think we are now in the territory of pestering which is why I have blocked his number. 

It's not any threatening behaviour,  just trying to get his own way. 

For what it's worth, I have kept my emails short and to the point. And I think he is nuts to be putting all of this in writing, about going against the ruling of a judge if they don't believe it is fair. 
I will definitely be discussing with my solicitor as and when I retain one. 

NornIronRose

Just for future reference. I was advised that mediation is not an option if there was domestic abuse, or that was my understanding when I read it. 
I spoke to a mediation service yesterday and mediation is absolutely an option, it is just not mandatory if there has been abuse. 

tightauldgit

NornIronRose said:

Just for future reference. I was advised that mediation is not an option if there was domestic abuse, or that was my understanding when I read it. 
I spoke to a mediation service yesterday and mediation is absolutely an option, it is just not mandatory if there has been abuse. 

I think I and others did say this at the time - if both parties agree to mediation then it doesn't matter what's gone on, but abuse is one reason not to go for it (mind you apparently so is 'i don't want to' so it's a bit of a farce anyway) 

Seeing how things have developed though I don't think mediation would have really been appropriate with the underhand stuff he's trying to pull. 

NornIronRose

Thanks TAG. I did misunderstand when I read it online, not just here, and tbh, he didn't want to go for mediation anyway, as he had been advised by divorce solicitors (they woukd say that!) that it was not useful nor appropriate. 
I'm just adding it again here in case anyone else is reading this in the future and it helps them. 

NornIronRose

I have spoken to the solicitor at last. Sounds as if she is pretty tough and would be good to have in my corner. However, the initial consultation will be £500. Then she said to expect to pay £5000, and if it ends up going to court, expect that to double. 

This sounds excessive to me. I know you get what you pay for, but that would take all of my savings in one fell swoop. 
I know in the end it will probably be worth it, but she was not pleased that there has already been work done on it, and she really doesn't want to jump in at this stage, when I do need it. 

Makes his £2k seem cheap! Not sure what to do. Will try to find someone else to give me a quote or two. 

gizmo111

NornIronRose said:

I have spoken to the solicitor at last. Sounds as if she is pretty tough and would be good to have in my corner. However, the initial consultation will be £500. Then she said to expect to pay £5000, and if it ends up going to court, expect that to double. 

This sounds excessive to me. I know you get what you pay for, but that would take all of my savings in one fell swoop. 
I know in the end it will probably be worth it, but she was not pleased that there has already been work done on it, and she really doesn't want to jump in at this stage, when I do need it. 

Makes his £2k seem cheap! Not sure what to do. Will try to find someone else to give me a quote or two. 

That's not excessive - look at it as an investment in your future, to make sure you get what you are entitled to.  I bet his £2k was just to draft the agreement not for advice etc.

NornIronRose

Not necessarily excessive but it's all the money I have. 

tightauldgit

NornIronRose said:

Not necessarily excessive but it's all the money I have. 

Not at all - you have something like half of the marital assets. The question is how much you choose to take what you are entitled to. 

10k for a contested divorce sounds about right to be honest. I think mine ended up costing me about 17k including barristers fees. 

Typical fees are £200 an hour for their time and then you end up getting charged 30-40 quid a time to read and reply to emails or letters so part of the secret is to keep your interactions to a minimum and give them clear instructions and let them get on with it. Something I was really bad at as I have no patience.

If you genuinely want none of your ex's assets (actually marital assets) then the answer to the problem is to make sure you are properly advised and represented and then only take assets to cover your solicitors bills.

Of course you don't HAVE to use the solicitor for the whole process - you can ask them just to advise on the proposed agreement and then if it goes further just represent yourself.