Using mediation for financial agreement

caprikid1

Reading this thread you have been given some excellent advice, whether due to your religious beliefs you chose to take it is another matter, well done though for making what is a very tough decision to break the cycle and regain some control.

UK law does very much start at 50:50 and I see no reason why you would not achieve a 50% split of ALL Assets or more if this went to court. In reality this is what you deserve, you have either built these assets up with your hard work or enabled your husband to do this via Childcare etc. It feels like he is pressing you to Obey your religious laws but choosing not too himself. This still feels like control and abuse to me.

It sounds like you will come out of this poorly considering what UK law would allow, but perhaps will be  much richer emotionally with greater fulfilment than if you stayed. Good luck ,

elsien

My uneducated view would be to be upfront with the bank, but it might be worth putting the question in the banking section.

You’re  going to have to tell them re-the reason why you’re locked out of the account in order to regain access, and sharing a card with someone else is a probably a breach of the terms and conditions; my guess would be it’s more likely to mean that if he’s emptied the account you have no chance of getting it back,  rather than you specifically being in trouble if that makes sense.

You could also consider contacting women’s aid, just because this is likely to be a scenario that they’ve come across before so they might be able to help with how to address it.

You might want to look at a proper RICS valuation rather than estate agents, although there will be a cost for that.

tightauldgit

I'd get onto the bank ASAP and explain everything that is going on. 

If he has the login details for the sharedealing account then chances are he will try at least to get that money and once he does you're going to struggle to get it back.

Better you get it and put it in an account in your sole name that he has no access to. Worst case, best the bank does lock the account so at least he can't steal it.

I'm sure the banks are pretty experienced in dealing with such situations. You wont be in trouble for anything so best protect yourself.
 

pinkshoes

NornIronRose said:

Very good points there Tbagpuss. According to shariah law I also shouldn't have had to contribute to any bills or expenses. He will say that I voluntarily did that to help the family,  which he repeatedly told me. It was also because he was better at saving than me so your point about me contributing more financially than there is on paper, is a very good one. 
I was made to open a share dealing account for him to use. To this day I still have no idea why he was so insistent that I do it. 
I have sold all the shares and am going to close the account and transfer the money to him, as it is his money. 
I am extremely tempted to keep an amount back towards the child support he has not paid. Just need to take advice on whether that would be acceptable or not. 
Of course, he is expecting that money as part of the pay off to me to sign over my share of the home. 
Decisions, decisions! 

Hmmm... I'm not going to comment on the Shariah law side of this, as I am very against anything that treats people differently due to their gender, but it seems to me that Shariah law was used and ignored at his convenience and benefit.

If he is saying that you voluntarily contributed to bills to help the family, then I would say that he voluntarily gave you money to open a shares account.

I would absolutely take ALL outstanding child support money from this account, then put the rest aside.

You need to put the need of your children first, and you should be going for what you are entitled to under UK law, which is 50% as a starting point, and then as you are the resident parent, the court will probably award you much more so that you can provide a suitable home for yourself and your children. 

Malthusian

NornIronRose said:

I hadn't considered if there would be tax due from the dealing of the shares. How would I even go about finding that out? 

If you opened the account and have the paperwork then you should be able to find out how much was paid to acquire the shares. Ring up the company, tell them that your husband changed the email address without your authority and have them change it back to you as a matter of urgency. Letting him retain access to an account in your name is a really bad idea.
At the same time you can ask them to send you a full transaction history for the account and a realised capital gains report for the current tax year.
If the total gain on the shares (plus any other gains you have in this tax year) is less than £12,300 there will be no capital gains tax, and if the sale proceeds were less than £49,200 they don't even need to be reported to HMRC. So unless we are talking about a substantial sum of money, there may be little to worry about on the tax front.

When I go into the bank can I be honest with them about why I don't have the correct details? Or will I get into trouble? 
I know the T&C of the account will prohibit someone else using it. I'd hate for them to decide to freeze the account and keep the money.

If they freeze the account they don't keep the money. You keep the money, it just takes a bit longer to access it. Much better than not freezing it and your husband keeping the money.

I have sold all the shares and am going to close the account and transfer the money to him, as it is his money. 

1. No it isn't and 2. Apart from the child maintenance issue, you should not transfer a penny until you are certain there is no tax to pay from the share sale. Otherwise you are running the risk of having to pay tax on money you no longer have.

NornIronRose

Thank you. That is extremely helpful. There would be less than the gains you have mentioned. So there shouldn't be any CGT to pay. I will ask them for a full transaction history. Thanks for giving the right phrases to use. 

NornIronRose

Bank account sorted out. No tax to pay thankfully. 
Agreement also reached. Glad to have support to enable me to stand my ground. 
Just in the process of getting it drawn up properly so it can go before the court. Can't use mediation as there was domestic abuse involved. 
Thank you for help and encouragement I received here. 

NornIronRose

Back again folks for a bit more advice please.

Financial agreement has been drawn up by his solicitor and sent to me for approval and signature. I am absolutely not going to sign it as it is fundamentally unfair I believe. 
It is written in terms that make it appear as if I am as well off as he is. 

My question is: do I engage a solicitor at this point? I have already paid £1k as half of his solicitor's fee for drawing up the agreement. 
I genuinely cannot afford to be wasting any money at this stage. 
I will not be signing this and want to email his solicitor back with the amendments that I believe that need to be made. 

He wants to sort it out between us, but he is incapable of being fair I believe. As an example, he has more money than me, much more, and wants me to agree that if the judge says that he has to give me some of his savings, for example, that I agree to take a lump sum, but give it back as soon as the agreement cones into effect and the divorce is finalised. 

To me, this is fundamentally dishonest and I will not do it. I do not want any of his savings. He worked for those. But I will not be forced to 'pretend' to take it. 

He has also put in there that I am expecting a large inheritance. He has agreed to tell his solicitor that he will not claim any of this in the future. 
Now, the main issue with this is that I am NOT expecting an inheritance. I have an elderly uncle but no idea if he will even leave anything to me. 

elsien

His solicitor is writing what he’s telling him to. His solicitor may well be telling him he’s being an idiot, behind-the-scenes, but the solicitor can’t tell you that.

I don’t see any harm in you writing back and explaining why you’re not signing along with your counter proposal,  if that’s what you want to do. As long as you’re clear on what you are entitled to, even if you don’t want to chase for that. Because that is the purpose of your own legal advice at the end of the day.

And once you’re divorced, or even though you’re separated, it’s very unlikely he’d have any claim on any future inheritance anyway so that’s just a red herring on his part.

tightauldgit

I really don't understand why you've agreed to pay half his solicitors fees to write up something that you haven't agreed to that seems mad to me. His solicitor doesnt work for you and will write what he is told to write by your ex. He has no obligation to be fair to you.

I also don't understand why you seem so intent on not getting what you are entitled to, especially when he seems to be acting like such a prize lemon. But that's your choice.

He's not entitled to any future inheritance after you divorce, so that part is irrelevant. What exactly is he offering you as part of this settlement? What exactly do you want?

I would engage a solicitor if I was you, if you really don't want his savings then at least take enough to cover your fees. That way you've been advised what your rights are and made the decision with your eyes open.