Keeping afloat till I can get round to the debts!

NeverendingDMP

Humdinger1 said:

Don't want to pile in on your husband, but what option do I have?! What a flaming liberty! Please get legal advice @NeverendingDMP because having gone through this, he is wrong on so many levels! It's rare that children dont stay with their mother too.  Love Humdinger xx 

Thank you it was just the sheer insensitivity of it. Like being thrown out with the trash. I've had words with him and told him I hurt I am. Not sure he's fully understanding my point but he's perhaps realizing I won't accept that from him

NeverendingDMP

jwil said:

Good grief, I agree with everyone else.  Don't leave.  If he wants a flat, he should go into one.  I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this xx

Thank you. I came close but I'm not going anywhere. He was at the pub Friday with a mutual friend and part of me wonders where some of his logic has come from as this is what he announced after coming home. That hurts as well that he perhaps has been advised to tell me I should leave.  Said friend has grown up children who pay board-quite rightly, is mortgage free and will have less money being paid into his pot so to speak leaving room for hobbies. 

NeverendingDMP

Thanks everyone the moral support has been amazing, and you've picked up already things aren't perfect and neither of us are the model partner at the moment. I've told him I'm not moving and that I'm v hurt by being told to go and it's not his choice to tell me to do that. He wants us to "put the effort in" to make it work. I'm tired of it now tbh but all these things were said in earshot of the kids on Friday when he got in so it's not just been tears from the grownups. It's a mess. One day at a time with a savings pot to the side I think. 

BudgetingBelinda

What a tricky time you’re having NEDMP. Sounds familiar to me in some ways. What I would say though is Universal Credit meant I was much better off than what little ex contributed. Also it was much more reliable at paying out! And UC does not rack up your utility bills and debt! Financial independence with no ex, and UC was what made the difference for me. No longer at the mercy of the unpredictability and not just financially. Splitting and with the LO’s has been stressful for sure, and some rough times, but I’ve really found it so wonderful to be free of the toxic ex. Better job, better home, better me, better boundaries. Nothing I regret, apart from taking me so long to break free. 

Hope you get all the support and advice you need, keep your boundaries strong. 

debtfreewannabe321

Good luck NDMP, it's really tough when kids are involved. I would start putting some money aside asap in a bank account that only you can access. Just as an emergency fund that is separate to him. Hope the kids are okay

Aimingforthegoodlife

So sorry to read this, sending you lots of love and hugs, lots of good advice already offered so I will just send the moral support

jwil

You know we've all got your back whatever you decide

NeverendingDMP

Thanks. Safety net savings pot is the way to go for now. Was back at work today. Genuinely didn't want to but I think it's done me good. Now off to feed the kids. 

Humdinger1

Apologies if this is too blunt or not what you want to think about right now @NeverendingDMP but is it just up to him? He has demonstrated that you can't rely on him; his immaturity and sense of entitlement are breathtaking. If you decided that you're going to drive the process, it would very possibly improve how you feel about all this, rather than waiting for his next move.  Love Humdinger xx 

NeverendingDMP

Humdinger1 said:

Apologies if this is too blunt or not what you want to think about right now @NeverendingDMP but is it just up to him? He has demonstrated that you can't rely on him; his immaturity and sense of entitlement are breathtaking. If you decided that you're going to drive the process, it would very possibly improve how you feel about all this, rather than waiting for his next move.  Love Humdinger xx 

All true. Think I'm just in limbo at moment. And yes feel like I'm waiting to the next issue/move from him sums it up really