Keeping afloat till I can get round to the debts!

NeverendingDMP

I didn't understand his thinking tbh. I got the impression I was to move out but the kids stayed here in there home. I'd probably get nothing as a single person but that's not the point I do not wish to leave my kids. I know I'm gonna have to share them if this continues but I won't leave them. I've no idea what to think tbh. Feeling a bit hurt at the moment 

debtfreewannabe321

Oh NDMP I am so sorry. I believe you are the more responsible one and one mainly in charge of the kids day to day right? So surely he should be moving out and you staying put with the kids. Whatever you do do not move out until you have got some advice. Just refuse. I don't think anyone would side with dad who is bad with money and never really does day to day care of kids. If he hates the situation that much he will move out. 

Agree with dawnybabes, go on a benefits calculator you will get universal credit to top you up- and without your H debts I suspect you will be better off overall. Also agree with stop worrying about H debts, if you are going to split then they are no longer your worry unless he has taken them out in your name (like my ex did to me shortly before our split- hope yours are not the same?!)

in_need_of_direction

also even if you were the one to leave the home, you’d be entitled to a third of the equity. With his financial track record, he may not be able to raise this so the family home may have to go.  I stayed in the family home as I was able to buy my ex out and he couldn’t do that for me.  I didn’t particularly want to stay but the children did so I made it work. Maybe you should consider how to raise funds. Take care

NeverendingDMP

Thanks all. I'm gonna try and motivate myself to today up and achieve stuff today then see what happens. What a sh**ty weekend so far.

Humdinger1

Don't want to pile in on your husband, but what option do I have?! What a flaming liberty! Please get legal advice @NeverendingDMP because having gone through this, he is wrong on so many levels! It's rare that children dont stay with their mother too.  Love Humdinger xx 

MFWannabe

You need to absolutely stand up for yourself on this one; you need to find some inner strength x 
Tell him there’s absolutely no way you are moving out and leaving your children; if he wishes to move out then he can 
I guess the potential splitting up has been ongoing for a while? 

Hence the: You’re taking all my money! 🙄
He will still have to pay maintenance for the children (May be why he is talking about the kids staying in their house with him) 
Put your details in a benefits calculator and see how much your be entitled to as a single parent with the children 
You may have to have some difficult conversations with him; hopefully you can come to some resolution but please don’t back down about moving out x 

NeverendingDMP

debtfreewannabe321 said:

Oh NDMP I am so sorry. I believe you are the more responsible one and one mainly in charge of the kids day to day right? So surely he should be moving out and you staying put with the kids. Whatever you do do not move out until you have got some advice. Just refuse. I don't think anyone would side with dad who is bad with money and never really does day to day care of kids. If he hates the situation that much he will move out. 

Agree with dawnybabes, go on a benefits calculator you will get universal credit to top you up- and without your H debts I suspect you will be better off overall. Also agree with stop worrying about H debts, if you are going to split then they are no longer your worry unless he has taken them out in your name (like my ex did to me shortly before our split- hope yours are not the same?!)

Thanks no no money raised in my name. We swapped a load round over the y ars to who could get the best rate but I stopped doing that earlier this year and the overall totals have been going down.  Yes I do feel like I do a lot more with kids, school runs, homework, shopping etc etc. he's not a terrible person but he does Xbox and beer as opposed to house and family.  I think as single parent yes I'd be better off but I wouldn't not share the kids so who knows how that all works.

debtfreewannabe321

NeverendingDMP said:

debtfreewannabe321 said:

Oh NDMP I am so sorry. I believe you are the more responsible one and one mainly in charge of the kids day to day right? So surely he should be moving out and you staying put with the kids. Whatever you do do not move out until you have got some advice. Just refuse. I don't think anyone would side with dad who is bad with money and never really does day to day care of kids. If he hates the situation that much he will move out. 

Agree with dawnybabes, go on a benefits calculator you will get universal credit to top you up- and without your H debts I suspect you will be better off overall. Also agree with stop worrying about H debts, if you are going to split then they are no longer your worry unless he has taken them out in your name (like my ex did to me shortly before our split- hope yours are not the same?!)

Thanks no no money raised in my name. We swapped a load round over the y ars to who could get the best rate but I stopped doing that earlier this year and the overall totals have been going down.  Yes I do feel like I do a lot more with kids, school runs, homework, shopping etc etc. he's not a terrible person but he does Xbox and beer as opposed to house and family.  I think as single parent yes I'd be better off but I wouldn't not share the kids so who knows how that all works.

My ex sounds similar. Ran up debts gambling and drinking (but also on top of that- cheating ..!) and he also put debt in my name. I allowed him to see the kids as much or little as he wanted which he appreciated but I did refuse to leave the house. It was our home - mine and the kids! As your one is. Ps. You can get help on part of the mortgage if you go into benefits. I wasn't on the right benefits as I was self employed and it was all too much of a faff to claiming the bit I could So I left it. However I wish I had bothered now as that extra would have come in handy. 
Just read up and be aware of your rights, what you can claim before you proceed. This forum should be able to advise you better than I can, perhaps make a separate post about it? 

jwil

Good grief, I agree with everyone else.  Don't leave.  If he wants a flat, he should go into one.  I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this xx

NeverendingDMP

in_need_of_direction said:

also even if you were the one to leave the home, you’d be entitled to a third of the equity. With his financial track record, he may not be able to raise this so the family home may have to go.  I stayed in the family home as I was able to buy my ex out and he couldn’t do that for me.  I didn’t particularly want to stay but the children did so I made it work. Maybe you should consider how to raise funds. Take care

Thank you that's handy to know. I don't intend to leave the kids but I came flaming close to just saying sod ya and driving away