Progress not Perfection

Sun_Addict

Morning all.

Working from home today so had my lovely relaxing start to the day followed by a live yoga session. 

Money wise, mid-week finance check done. CC balance paid off. Oddment of £5.31 sent to the Christmas pot and £50 sent to the holiday pot. It should be a NSD too. Waiting for payday next week for the next round of money shuffling. 

Today's exercise is dog walking later this morning and have already done the yoga. Zumba isn't on tonight 😭so will have to find something suitably dance-like from YT to replace it. They're replacing it with a session I'm not keen on in the app so won't bother with that. 

Trying a new recipe from Jamie O's new book for tonight's dinner - chickpea arrabbiata. 

On the Mr SA state of affairs, as I mentioned above, he hates me going anywhere without him, apart from work that is. I've got a few lunches out in my diary between now and Christmas so I'm expecting yet more hissy fits. I've got to stand my ground on this point or when I retire my life won't be my own. The old Mr SA used to be really helpful around the house and garden and if he had a day off work he'd always do the cleaning. The new Mr SA thinks cleaning is women's work and he struggles with anything garden and DIY related due to his mobility and balance issues. He also has no motivation as that's the part of his brain that's damaged. I try to make the best of things but am aware I don't have anything in common with anyone I know and there are loads of things I'd like to do but can't because of him. I know I need to focus on what I can do rather than what I can't but every so often I have a bit of a meltdown. 

Moving on...

I need to start thinking about getting quotes for a loft hatch and ladder and a new window in my little office. The regular saver earmarked for home improvements matures in 3 weeks. I believe the builder I usually use does both of the above so he's probably the best place to start.

Makingabobor2

Maybe joining exercise classes when you retire would be good. I started dancing & Walkfit classes & have met so many like minded people. Also going to the gym. Maybe plan 1 day a week to go out with Mr SA & buy him lunch or look round the CSs he loves so much. 

warby68

I'm sorry you're having a particularly bad time with Mr SA. Does he ever recognise his behaviours are off ? I suspect not and I don't think he was an easy partner before his brain damage from things you've said. It must be  so hard to always given him slack for the brain damage when a lot of his actions are so personally spiteful towards you. I really wish the family or social services could get their acts together more for 24/7/365 carers and ensure meaningful time off is provided one way or another. They happily insist on 2 carers for a visit,which is extortionate if self-funding, but also equally happily shut all caring services down at about 8pm every day - yet somehow a single unpaid carer is expected to manage for 24hrs every single day.

Thinking of you very much - my mum is pretty challenging at the moment but at least I am not in the same home.

Humdinger1

@Sun_Addict I hope you don't mind me asking what would happen if it all became too much and you had to bail out? The lack of support is shocking.   Love Humdinger xx 

Sun_Addict

warby68 said:

I'm sorry you're having a particularly bad time with Mr SA. Does he ever recognise his behaviours are off ? I suspect not and I don't think he was an easy partner before his brain damage from things you've said. It must be  so hard to always given him slack for the brain damage when a lot of his actions are so personally spiteful towards you. I really wish the family or social services could get their acts together more for 24/7/365 carers and ensure meaningful time off is provided one way or another. They happily insist on 2 carers for a visit,which is extortionate if self-funding, but also equally happily shut all caring services down at about 8pm every day - yet somehow a single unpaid carer is expected to manage for 24hrs every single day.

Thinking of you very much - my mum is pretty challenging at the moment but at least I am not in the same home.

Yes some of his traits from the old him have remained, the controlling elements for one. Thankfully the argumentative traits have gone and he no longer has the ability to create an atmosphere you could cut with a knife. He had a carer for the first year he was out of hospital but he started to lock antlers with him and Mr SA couldn't handle someone telling him what to do. This was the carers first foray into caring and he decided he didn't want to proceed with the profession after his experience with Mr SA. I'm sorry to hear about your mum being challenging. 

Sun_Addict

Humdinger1 said:

@Sun_Addict I hope you don't mind me asking what would happen if it all became too much and you had to bail out? The lack of support is shocking.   Love Humdinger xx 

I suspect he would be in the hands of the social services. I used to have a small amount of support from Adult Social Care but that gradually disappeared.