Progress not Perfection

Sun_Addict

Thank you all for your replies, much appreciated. 

My line manager messaged me this morning to see how I was and instead of my usual response of 'I'm fine' I admitted I wasn't at my best today. We do have an employer EAP and we can have counselling if needed. I'm giving social services another day to get in contact then I'm phoning them again on Friday. 

I told Mr SA how I was feeling and his unsympathetic response was 'don't be so stupid'. He is totally oblivious to the fact that I could possibly be feeling down because I'm fed up of looking after him 😐 He also accused me of trying to get him put into a care home by getting social services involved!

After I had my lunch I took myself off for a long walk on my own as usually I would be walking home from work around the same time. Nothing very exciting I took the soft plastic recycling to Mr T - I know how to live 😆 Ended up spending just over £2 on a couple of things I needed from Lid! this week that seemed to be around the same price in Mr T. Mr SA wanted to come with me but the answer was firmly no. 

I did feel a little better after the walk, my head felt a lot lighter.

DD doesn't work Fridays so I will definitely be going into the office. Also still planning on booking the following Friday off for a day to myself.

tunathe_cat

SA big girl knickers, smile n fake it has its limits.... I know  But I had to have a breakdown before help was offered by Adult social services.. 

Finally have carer 3 times a day . Also she comes for sitting service original 2 hours a week then 4 now 6 hours. Had a few carers that were incompetent/scary/no social skills/ I had to get everything ready then they would watch hubby struggling washing/dressing etc
one-fell a sleep when looking after hubby he had a fall did not hear.. Luckily son had popped home and found him!

   We have a treasure of a carer now who seams as if part of family even know her family.  I feel so much safer knowing she will be coming . She just gets on with it, I dont have to get everything ready. She spends time laughing chating .  When he is upto it she will do light exercises with him.  Even been known to give a massage! he is one spoilt hubby. She even visits when in hospital.  Have said if she changes agency we will follow.  Agency boss tried to send different carers but hubby refused to see them.  Why do admin bosses try n upset apple cart just to make their rota work.   Had to pull rank So our treasure was returned. 

Be strong stubborn request carer assessment and one for hubby. make sure all requests in writing to have a paper trail.   use buzz words  safe guarding etc. Remember they are the PROFESSIONAL ones with medical knowledge!/training even though they may get dragged down into just ticking boxes . Without any benefit to you or hubby. Make us to feel a burden  
Just taken a call from our council finance team who in there wisdom decided we could afford to pay extra for services because government had benefit increase with out making any adjustments to cost of living increases/outgoings. With out a new assessment form being completed. Had to cancel DD as they were taking 4 times amount each month. Had debt collection letters. Even wrote to mp council complaint procedure twice before it got moved to next level  its taken 18 months. Today they have agreed to correct and back date.  They were taking more than my only income of carers allowance a week.  

Sorry SA I have waffled .  only messaged to give a cyber hug.  love and !!!!!! cat purrs  Andrea x

EssexHebridean

Whether you've needed time off for stress before isn't relevant SA - in fact perhaps you HAVE needed it before, but not taken it? Regardless - if you're struggling to cope, then you need to put yourself first - you've been dealing with this situation for a long old while and it really isn't surprising it's taking its toll. There is absolutely no shame in admitting that you need some breathing space. 

ladyholly

Don't let Mr SA say he doesn't need a carer or guilt trip you. You do need help for your mental health and well being. You may have a battle with him but stay strong and tell him a carer or a care home even if you wouldn't. Easy for me to say but if you end up Ill  that's where he will end up.

Willowtree222

I hope you get some respite in whatever capacity you can. Caring is never easy ans Mr SA doesn't always sound like he's easy to look after. 

Your Friday day off next week sounds like a lovely day. X

redofromstart

Tricky - while you don't take leave you are seen as coping by the various services, no matter how very thinly you are stretched. No advice or opinions, just mountains of sympathy and waving of supportive pompoms whatever happens. 

beanielou

Oh SA I am so sorry to read this.
You need to look after yourself.
No one ele will  xx

ladyholly

I am sorry if my last post sounded very bossy but having worked in care fo much of my working life including people with ABI I know they have little if any empathy. You have coped with him for 10 years through thick and thin and now  more than deserve help and respite. I found it hard going at times and I got breaks and days off for you it is 24/7. Be very kind to yourself and take some time out of work and home.

Sun_Addict

Thank you ☺️ 

I’ve been thinking and going off sick would only make me worse because I won’t be getting out of the house or interacting with anyone. I always feel more positive when I get out. 

I’ve also noticed there seems to be a pattern to his falls, they’re always the night before I’m due in the office 🤔 The one he had a couple of weeks ago on the Sunday night, I had to WFH Monday to keep an eye on him and planned to go back to the office on Wednesday. He had another fall Tuesday night so I had to WFH Wednesday. On Wednesday night he asked if I was WFH Thursday and I said yes. He said ‘oh good I don’t need to fall tonight’. He said he was joking, but was he. I think all the previous bad falls have been Sunday night. I might be overthinking it though. 

ladyholly

In your position I think I would be slightly suspicious.