Progress not Perfection

Brewerspride

So sorry SA. Please don't lose your sparkle.

Do you think it's time to revisit getting in support again for Mr SA? I know he doesn't want it but it's such a shame that you have so little free time, and the free time you have is cut short because he needs you to cook him a meal.

Time to think about yourself for a change? You need a life.

beanielou

Sorry you missed the dancing. It’s so hard for you. I’m sorry.

Dakota_Rose

Being the sole carer must be very tough indeed. I was also wondering whether you could look into support to allow yourself some breathing space? This is so important otherwise feelings of resentment and/or disappointment will just build. (I was a young carer at times and these feelings were overwhelming - sometimes from both sides!)

I hope you stayed awake to enjoy the Prosecco - it has the same sleepy effect on me at the end of a busy week 😂.

foxgloves

I wonder if Mr SA may score too highly on ability to do daily activities though? Not that I know much about adult social care, apart from for my Dad when his illness progressed.

I'm thinking that Mr SA can do all the sort of tasks that are probably assessed, as well as go out on his scooter, etc, & could microwave a meal if he had to. It's a shame that he has no local interest or support groups he could take part in so that you could have some home time to yourself, @Sun_Addict. It's a difficult situation for sure. We can all feel how mentally & physically tiring it is for you & I wish things were different.

F x

PennysIntoPounds

I'm sorry you feel unsparkly, next time arrange to be at an event for dancing and food, despite his challenges Mr SA is capable of getting his own chippie tea and if he doesn't then he's not going to starve to death because you were out of an evening. Easier said than done I know

What's the next thing to look forward to other than holiday? 🥂

jwil

I'm sorry you missed the dancing. It must be so frustrating.

Cherryfudge

What a shame about not dancing… perhaps put the radio on and bop away a bit to keep your hand in? Didn't you have an exercise challenge that involved dancing? I know it's not the same as being with others, but at least you can let your hair down!

Losing your sparkle makes me think you are worn down by it all, which is not at all surprising. In fact, the surprising thing is how long you have kept going. I hope someone comes up with something that will help the sparkle to resurface.

And re the compulsory F&C supper - would Mr SA accept it at lunchtime? Perhaps with a treat drink? I think that would only work if you were at home, but it could give you some Friday nights back.

Sun_Addict

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81969708#Comment_81969708

I dance at some point every day when a song I like comes on the radio. Plus I do a couple of Zumba sessions a week. So I have plenty of practice 😆

Yes I am feeling a bit worn down by it all, I've had almost 13 years of being a carer.

He looks forward to his fish and chips on Friday night all week. I'm in the office on Fridays so lunchtime wouldn't work.

Sun_Addict

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81969548#Comment_81969548

He wouldn't be able to cook it himself and I think he'd struggle with fetching it from the chippie especially if there was a queue as he wouldn't be able to stand for long.

I've got several catch ups with friends lined up and another friend is retiring in the summer - this time I'm determined I won't miss the dancing.

Sun_Addict

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81968772#Comment_81968772

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81968966#Comment_81968966

He's has a full time carer in the past but this was when he first came out of hospital and was very wobbly and confused. Also it was at a time when WFH wasn't possible so he wouldn't have me there during the day. As Mr SA got slightly more independent he started arguing with the carer and getting stroppy when he was being told not to do something for his own safety. He told social services himself that he didn't need a carer anymore. He can get out on his scooter and potter around at home now plus I can WFH and he's never left for too long on his own. So he wouldn't get care now and he'd refuse it anyway. Next year I'll be retired so there's absolutely no chance.