Sister has asked me to lend money - how to deal with it

Shelldean

Malthusian said:

If you won the lottery your sister would run the debts all the way back up again, then ask you for more. 

This is the reason most lottery jackpot wins disappear within a couple of years.

I am going to ask her what jewellery/assets she has  (I don't know whether she still has mother's rings).  We might buy some from her if there is anything worth anything.  

Why? You can't afford them. You need the money for your bungalow and your retirement.

Spending it on some jewellery from her would put you in almost the same position as if you just "lent" her the money. You wouldn't get much of it back by selling them on the open market.

I have a vision of your sister offering to either borrow money against her house (the one she is trying to get equity release against) or sell you a share. She would be well aware that there is no way you are going to foreclose on her and make her "homeless". So you would be in exactly the same position as if you'd lent it unsecured. (Anyone with the brass bits to force their sister to sell her home in order to get their money back would not lend it in the first place.) 

The only thing that might stop her is that it might block her attempts to get a formal mortgage against it.

I thI k OP mentions buying the jewellery as she mentioned "mum's rings) 
So my guess is when OP 's mum died her jewellery we shared between OP and her sister.

So these particular rings maybe valuable? If so hasn't already sold them!!!

HappyDad8

Pollycat said:

HappyDad8 said:

Your situation is challenging, and it's important to maintain good relations with your sister. You can consider saying something like, 'I'm willing to help this time, but I need you to understand that I can't afford to do this on a regular basis. We both have our own financial responsibilities.' This way, you're setting a boundary while showing your willingness to assist this one time.

Why do you think it's important for the OP to maintain good relations with her sister?
Do you think the sister is maintaining good relations with the OP by asking to borrow money?
Read the original post.
It's very illuminating.
It shows how the sister has spent her inheritance from her mother (which sounds like a fair amount of money).
It shows that she has spent money on all sorts of things.
The boundary should have been set the first time the sister asked to borrow money.
Not now.

I have carefully reviewed the situation, and it appears to be complex rather than straightforward, as I mentioned earlier. To me, the bond of sisterhood or a similar connection holds more significance than financial matters. It's possible that we may not be privy to all the details and the dynamics between them. They may have developed a close friendship or some other strong relationship. Whether she chooses to spend her money as she wishes, provided it is within her rights and serves a purpose, is not our concern. We are not the court nor the judges of her choices. However, I do concur that boundaries should be established, but it's important to first understand the precise reasons behind her request and then make an informed decision.

Pollycat

HappyDad8 said:

Pollycat said:

HappyDad8 said:

Your situation is challenging, and it's important to maintain good relations with your sister. You can consider saying something like, 'I'm willing to help this time, but I need you to understand that I can't afford to do this on a regular basis. We both have our own financial responsibilities.' This way, you're setting a boundary while showing your willingness to assist this one time.

Why do you think it's important for the OP to maintain good relations with her sister?
Do you think the sister is maintaining good relations with the OP by asking to borrow money?
Read the original post.
It's very illuminating.
It shows how the sister has spent her inheritance from her mother (which sounds like a fair amount of money).
It shows that she has spent money on all sorts of things.
The boundary should have been set the first time the sister asked to borrow money.
Not now.

I have carefully reviewed the situation, and it appears to be complex rather than straightforward, as I mentioned earlier. To me, the bond of sisterhood or a similar connection holds more significance than financial matters. It's possible that we may not be privy to all the details and the dynamics between them. They may have developed a close friendship or some other strong relationship. Whether she chooses to spend her money as she wishes, provided it is within her rights and serves a purpose, is not our concern. We are not the court nor the judges of her choices. However, I do concur that boundaries should be established, but it's important to first understand the precise reasons behind her request and then make an informed decision.

As I said, the sister doesn't seem to have a bond with the OP - except maybe as a cash machine.

We are only privy to what the OP wants us to know.
The OP said enough in the original post to demonstrate that the sister has been profligate with her money and is now coming after the OP's money.
If the sister chooses to spend her money as she wishes, that's fine.
What's not fine is the request to borrow money from someone who had been more careful with her money with a view to planning her retirement.
It's clearly not fine because the OP chose to ask how to deal with it on this forum. 
If it was fine with the OP, agreed have simply loaned the money.
It really doesn't matter what's behind the sister's request.
It's only down to the OP whether she lends the money or she doesn't.

However, the OP is clear on the previous page that she will not lend her sister any more money.

That sounds pretty straightforward.
Not complex at all.

david29dpo

I lent my TWIN SISTER £300. A few weeks later she got a tattoo (costing at least that) Took me years to get it back.
Not spoken for 8 years.
lesson leaned.