Sister has asked me to lend money - how to deal with it

sheramber

lr1277 said:

SusieT said:

lr1277 said:

I have only just seen this thread and so am late to the party.

I have a couple of observations/questions.

1) For those saying, it has nothing to do with your husband, it was your inheritance, why doesn't that work in divorce proceedings? My observation from reading a few threads on here regarding divorce, all marital asets are fair game for the split. One person cannot say, I got this from my parent so you can't have it in the divorce. Would a court agree to that? Probably not, in which case the OP's husband should have equal say in how the money is spent? To which he did and he agreed to the loan.

2) Did the OP's sister know that her mother had given the OP money when the sister had not paid any loans back? I understand the OP has lent the money, but if the OP genuinely wanted not to lend, could that not have been used as a reason? Did the OP's mother lending the sister money and giving the OP money diminish her own lifestyle? I guess we will never know.

Edited: to add words around OP's husband agreeing to the loan.

sheramber said: 

You are too late. The OP stated on 8 December that she had agreed to lend the money.

See post from Sheramber

I did thanks.

I think I asked some fair questions.

1) If money comes into the marriage irrespective of source like earnings, lottery win or inheritance, why don't both partners in the marriage get to decide how it is spent?

2) Did the OP's sister know that their mother had given the OP money to make up for the fact that she had not paid her mother back?

Edited: to make 2nd point clearer. I hope.

Your first question would be better on a new thread.

Your second nobody  on here can answer that except the OP who has not answered this thread since 8 December.

easy

Sea_Shell said:

easy said:

She says she will repay me early next year.  She has a plan.

@easy

As you decided to lend the money (back in mid-December), what were the timescales involved and agreed, as you'd mentioned in the OP that it would be "early next year".   So...now/soon?

Is she making all the right noises about repaying you, soon, or have you mentally written off the money?

Maybe she's paid it back already. 

Not paid back yet,  apparently the equity release plan she had has fallen thru'.  She's trying different firms. 
I'm not desperate for the money,  if it comes back,  then it comes back.. If it doesn't, I'll not let her forget it.

She knows there will be no more.

easy

I think I asked some fair questions.

1) If money comes into the marriage irrespective of source like earnings, lottery win or inheritance, why don't both partners in the marriage get to decide how it is spent?

2) Did the OP's sister know that their mother had given the OP money to make up for the fact that she had not paid her mother back?

Edited: to make 2nd point clearer. I hope.

I think Mum did tell Sis that she had given me money equal to what Sis had been lent/given.  Apart from anything else,  I think that's the reason Mum gave as to why there wasn't any more to 'lend'.

easy

Hi everyone,  just letting you know that there is currently no sign of a repayment 
EXCEPT
We are going to a historical society long weekend thing in the summer (Me & hubby,  Sis & her hubby as she can't leave him at home of course).  I got Sis to make the booking,  so she has paid for the hotel.   
So technically,  that's chipped our share of the hotel bill off the debt ...  It's not a lot,  but every little helps I guess.   

Unless of course she comes back to me when her credit card bill comes in !! 

Malthusian

easy said:

Hi everyone,  just letting you know that there is currently no sign of a repayment 
EXCEPT
We are going to a historical society long weekend thing in the summer (Me & hubby,  Sis & her hubby as she can't leave him at home of course).  I got Sis to make the booking,  so she has paid for the hotel.   
So technically,  that's chipped our share of the hotel bill off the debt ...  It's not a lot,  but every little helps I guess.   

Unless of course she comes back to me when her credit card bill comes in !! 

Does she know up front that you're not going to pay half of the bill? If not it sounds like a good way to add the loss of a long weekend on to the loss of £2,000.
Either way she hasn't actually repaid any debt, she's just moved a chip of yours to her credit card lender. 

trailingspouse

Coming to this a little late in the day, but here's my pennyworth -

If you are giving her money, you have a right to ask for something in return. I would be asking for documentary proof of the 'unexpected bill'. And I would be asking to see her bank and credit card statements, so that you can help her/them get a grip on their finances.

easy

Just to update -  I got repaid !!!

cymruchris

easy said:

Just to update -  I got repaid !!!

A positive outcome - thanks for coming back to update on your success. Hopefully she'll be on a more even keel from here on in...

Nelliegrace

Did you need all that stress?

I hope you can say “No,” when a request for an even larger amount is made. 

stuhse

Paimon12 said:

I understand that you're in a difficult situation, and it's important to communicate your boundaries and concerns to your sister in a tactful manner. Here's a suggestion on how you can approach the conversation:

1. Choose the right time and place: Find a quiet and comfortable setting where you can have a private conversation without interruptions.

2. Express empathy and understanding: Start the conversation by acknowledging your sister's challenges and the difficult circumstances she's facing. Let her know that you understand she's going through a tough time.

3. Share your own financial goals: Explain that you have been saving your inheritance for your retirement and have specific plans in mind, such as buying a bungalow. Emphasize that you have your own financial responsibilities and limitations.

4. Be honest about your concerns: Express your concerns about lending money, especially considering her past financial difficulties and the fact that you cannot afford to lose the amount you would be lending. Stress that it is a one-time arrangement, and you won't be able to provide further financial assistance.

5. Offer alternative support: While you may not be able to provide financial help, assure your sister that you are there to support her in other ways. You can offer emotional support, help her explore other avenues for assistance (such as financial counseling or support programs), or assist her in creating a budget to manage her finances more effectively.

6. Reiterate your boundaries: Clearly state that your decision is not a reflection of your love or care for her, but rather a responsible choice based on your own financial situation. Reinforce that maintaining a healthy relationship is important to you, and you don't want money to become a source of tension or resentment.

Remember to remain calm and compassionate during the conversation. It's essential to communicate your boundaries and concerns while also showing understanding and empathy towards your sister's situation.

Great answer, but I think you need to read the thread