Any way I can convince my principled wife to stop giving away £500 a month?

Pollycat

london21 said:

The state of the economy should be enough to convince your principled wife to stop giving away £500 a month. Rising interest rates, rising inflation and rising costs of everything generally should be enough for a logical person to spend wisely and prioritise what is important.

From what the OP has said this and the earlier thread, his wife is anything but 'logical'.
'Intransigent' is a more apt description.

Slinky

london21 said:

The state of the economy should be enough to convince your principled wife to stop giving away £500 a month. Rising interest rates, rising inflation and rising costs of everything generally should be enough for a logical person to spend wisely and prioritise what is important.

Logically the wife will counter that the church's expenses are going up so they need more money.......

london21

Slinky said:

london21 said:

The state of the economy should be enough to convince your principled wife to stop giving away £500 a month. Rising interest rates, rising inflation and rising costs of everything generally should be enough for a logical person to spend wisely and prioritise what is important.

Logically the wife will counter that the church's expenses are going up so they need more money.......

Well up to them, I attend a church and each adult should do what works for them.

Would you pay rent/mortgage or keep giving to charity when you yourself is struggling, charity begins at home. One cannot pour from an empty cup. 

Pollycat

london21 said:

Slinky said:

london21 said:

The state of the economy should be enough to convince your principled wife to stop giving away £500 a month. Rising interest rates, rising inflation and rising costs of everything generally should be enough for a logical person to spend wisely and prioritise what is important.

Logically the wife will counter that the church's expenses are going up so they need more money.......

Well up to them, I attend a church and each adult should do what works for them.

Would you pay rent/mortgage or keep giving to charity when you yourself is struggling, charity begins at home. One cannot pour from an empty cup. 

I wouldn't.
But the OP's wife has spent their joint savings.
And - shockingly - the children's savings too.
It's obvious that in the OP's wife's case, charity does not begin at home.

74jax

london21 said:

Slinky said:

london21 said:

The state of the economy should be enough to convince your principled wife to stop giving away £500 a month. Rising interest rates, rising inflation and rising costs of everything generally should be enough for a logical person to spend wisely and prioritise what is important.

Logically the wife will counter that the church's expenses are going up so they need more money.......

Well up to them, I attend a church and each adult should do what works for them.

Would you pay rent/mortgage or keep giving to charity when you yourself is struggling, charity begins at home. One cannot pour from an empty cup. 

It doesn't matter what 'we' would do. I personally wouldn't, but the OP's wife would.  The OP is asking how to handle a situation where the person WOULD give to charity and leaving their family without.

I would leave, but not every one is so cut throat as me. 

Emmia

london21 said:

The state of the economy should be enough to convince your principled wife to stop giving away £500 a month. Rising interest rates, rising inflation and rising costs of everything generally should be enough for a logical person to spend wisely and prioritise what is important.

What is clear to me from the OPs responses is that he's not really willing to consider ending the relationship, even though this may leave him and his children in serious financial difficulties. 

By staying,  he is simply facilitating his wife - she gets to donate to the church, and still has food and housing etc. paid for - she does not have to face a reality of choosing between whether to pay the rent /food / bills vs making the monthly "donation". 

Would his approach to the situation be different if she was gambling the money away? 

theoretica

Can you both change all the joint savings accounts into ones which need *both* you and your wife to authorise a withdrawal, rather than *either* you or she?  That would stop the dipping in.

Have you spoken to your mother in law?  Does she want the money for herself more than she wants her grandchildren to have what they need?  Maybe she would be prepared to pay for certain things for the kids.

Sapindus

OP's original question - can I stop my wife from behaving like this?
Large body of opinion says "no, leave her"
OP did not ask for advice on leaving wife or not.
However, leaving wife may be the only way to stop her behaviour.

Someone I know is finally divorcing their alcoholic husband after 25 years of trying to help him, stop him drinking or just live with the problem.  She has already separated once, gone back on his apparent improvement, back to square one.  Same sort of story.  Better to cut it short. 

Abbafan1972

^^ as above - you can’t help people that don’t want to help themselves. 

thegreenone

Apologies if it has been said: 

What does the church in America actually do for your wife in exchange for the money?  Does she attend virtual services?

If the church was in the UK and she was thoroughly involved, it would make a bit more sense. 

Does she know what the money is spent on?  I'm getting visions of the Pastor, Zooming his parishioners from his yacht in the Caribbean.