Any way I can convince my principled wife to stop giving away £500 a month?

[Deleted User]

Thanks for all the responses. To conclude this topic, I spoke to the wife again today and yeah, she's not budging on the money she gives her mum or the church.

Come January, our nursery bill will go down by just under £500. Initial plan was to put this this into our monthly allowance but I've told her that I'm putting it aside to work on the house, and child, each month. The 10 months she wants to save up for a new bed for the kids, when we could just do it one month, is not on.

Once the roof and some critical pieces of the house has been addressed, along with any speech therapy my son needs, the money will then goes into reducing our credit card debt, savings and then we can take some of it for our allowance. 

HRH_MUngo

The church may subscribe to this heresy:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosperity_theology

If she believes that the more she gives, the more God will bless, then she will think that she IS doing the best for her family, because eventually the 'wealth' will come back to her.

I don't know what the OP can do, apart from organise affairs as best he can so that he is not paying for everything.

caprikid1

HRH_MUngo said:

The church may subscribe to this heresy:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosperity_theology

If she believes that the more she gives, the more God will bless, then she will think that she IS doing the best for her family, because eventually the 'wealth' will come back to her.

I don't know what the OP can do, apart from organise affairs as best he can so that he is not paying for everything.

In fairness I think it is traditional tithing as mentioned which is as old as the hills so to speak. 

Malthusian

Prosperity theology may be very silly but it isn't heresy. It's near-universally a Protestant doctrine, and Protestantism has no central authority to commit heresy against. It's much more difficult to be a heretical Protestant than a heretical Catholic.

Deleted_User said:

Come January, our nursery bill will go down by just under £500. Initial plan was to put this this into our monthly allowance but I've told her that I'm putting it aside to work on the house, and child, each month. The 10 months she wants to save up for a new bed for the kids, when we could just do it one month, is not on.

Once the roof and some critical pieces of the house has been addressed, along with any speech therapy my son needs, the money will then goes into reducing our credit card debt, savings and then we can take some of it for our allowance. 

I was under the impression from your first post that you were living "somewhat below your means" (notwithstanding that your wife is incinerating any income or savings that she has access to). Where did the credit card debt come from?
At the risk of stating the obvious, the credit card debt needs to be paid off first before putting any into a savings account. 

Emmia

How much credit card debt is there? Is there any risk of tithing using those balances if you pay them off?

[Deleted User]

Malthusian said:

Prosperity theology may be very silly but it isn't heresy. It's near-universally a Protestant doctrine, and Protestantism has no central authority to commit heresy against. It's much more difficult to be a heretical Protestant than a heretical Catholic.

Deleted_User said:

Come January, our nursery bill will go down by just under £500. Initial plan was to put this this into our monthly allowance but I've told her that I'm putting it aside to work on the house, and child, each month. The 10 months she wants to save up for a new bed for the kids, when we could just do it one month, is not on.

Once the roof and some critical pieces of the house has been addressed, along with any speech therapy my son needs, the money will then goes into reducing our credit card debt, savings and then we can take some of it for our allowance. 

I was under the impression from your first post that you were living "somewhat below your means" (notwithstanding that your wife is incinerating any income or savings that she has access to). Where did the credit card debt come from?
At the risk of stating the obvious, the credit card debt needs to be paid off first before putting any into a savings account. 

Emmia said:

How much credit card debt is there? Is there any risk of tithing using those balances if you pay them off?

It's manageable, around £4.5k and I pay £150 a month towards it. I lost my job during Covid and that's the reason for the debt. We have about £6k in savings but not the rainy day fund I need!

Pollycat

Deleted_User said:

Malthusian said:

Prosperity theology may be very silly but it isn't heresy. It's near-universally a Protestant doctrine, and Protestantism has no central authority to commit heresy against. It's much more difficult to be a heretical Protestant than a heretical Catholic.

Deleted_User said:

Come January, our nursery bill will go down by just under £500. Initial plan was to put this this into our monthly allowance but I've told her that I'm putting it aside to work on the house, and child, each month. The 10 months she wants to save up for a new bed for the kids, when we could just do it one month, is not on.

Once the roof and some critical pieces of the house has been addressed, along with any speech therapy my son needs, the money will then goes into reducing our credit card debt, savings and then we can take some of it for our allowance. 

I was under the impression from your first post that you were living "somewhat below your means" (notwithstanding that your wife is incinerating any income or savings that she has access to). Where did the credit card debt come from?
At the risk of stating the obvious, the credit card debt needs to be paid off first before putting any into a savings account. 

Emmia said:

How much credit card debt is there? Is there any risk of tithing using those balances if you pay them off?

It's manageable, around £4.5k and I pay £150 a month towards it. I lost my job during Covid and that's the reason for the debt. We have about £6k in savings but not the rainy day fund I need!

Is the debt interest free?

If it isn't. does it make sense to you to have debt and savings that would pay off that debt?
Pay off debts or save? Max your cash - MoneySavingExpert

[Deleted User]

Pollycat said:

Deleted_User said:

Malthusian said:

Prosperity theology may be very silly but it isn't heresy. It's near-universally a Protestant doctrine, and Protestantism has no central authority to commit heresy against. It's much more difficult to be a heretical Protestant than a heretical Catholic.

Deleted_User said:

Come January, our nursery bill will go down by just under £500. Initial plan was to put this this into our monthly allowance but I've told her that I'm putting it aside to work on the house, and child, each month. The 10 months she wants to save up for a new bed for the kids, when we could just do it one month, is not on.

Once the roof and some critical pieces of the house has been addressed, along with any speech therapy my son needs, the money will then goes into reducing our credit card debt, savings and then we can take some of it for our allowance. 

I was under the impression from your first post that you were living "somewhat below your means" (notwithstanding that your wife is incinerating any income or savings that she has access to). Where did the credit card debt come from?
At the risk of stating the obvious, the credit card debt needs to be paid off first before putting any into a savings account. 

Emmia said:

How much credit card debt is there? Is there any risk of tithing using those balances if you pay them off?

It's manageable, around £4.5k and I pay £150 a month towards it. I lost my job during Covid and that's the reason for the debt. We have about £6k in savings but not the rainy day fund I need!

Is the debt interest free?

If it isn't. does it make sense to you to have debt and savings that would pay off that debt?
Pay off debts or save? Max your cash - MoneySavingExpert

Interest free. 

Sapindus

Deleted_User said:

 I've worked hard for this house and no way I'm giving it up or half of it away. 

But you already ARE giving it away, to this church in America and your mother in law.  The longer you stay in this situation, the more of your hard work is trickling straight out the door.

If you divorce your wife for unreasonable behaviour, citing the financial misdemeanors and lack of responsible parenting by her, with evidence, I think there is good chance you would come out of it with custody of the kids and a fair share of what is left.  I think it would be worth talking to a solicitor to see if they agree.  

I think if you got out of this, it would be hard on your own to start with but within six months to a year you would find it difficult to understand why you stayed so long.

From your wife's point of view, she would then either be happy as she could run her life in the way she believes is best, or crash and burn and realise what has happened to her (brainwashing/cult), and then maybe you could one day be co-parenting again.

london21

The state of the economy should be enough to convince your principled wife to stop giving away £500 a month. Rising interest rates, rising inflation and rising costs of everything generally should be enough for a logical person to spend wisely and prioritise what is important.