Any way I can convince my principled wife to stop giving away £500 a month?

Abbafan1972

Hi @Deleted_User

i did read your first thread and there was no mention of her giving this money away before. I wouldn’t tolerate this at all. You can’t allow her to give this money away and then dip into savings and use credit cards. Why is she giving money to her mother? What is it for? Are the church telling your wife that something bad will happen if she doesn’t send this money? 

I don’t know if this relevant to you but this website is an interesting read 

https://www.thinkjessica.com/jessicas-story/

the lady in the article was constantly hounded to send people money that she couldn’t afford. 

If I was in your shoes, I would have made her pack her bags and leave. Harsh I know, but this is not fair on you. 

lisyloo

Which begs another question (at least).
are both of you putting money away for your retirement?

Sea_Shell

Deleted_User said:

pollypenny said:

Sorry, it just sounds far-fetched to me. Why would anyone give £300 to a church and £200 to a parent then have to take money from savings. 

The church bit is called a tithe. With the money to the parent, last year the siblings all banded together to buy the mum a fancy Audi SUV on a finance deal. My wife ran the idea by me which I shut down straight away (I would be surprised if the mum did 500 miles a year in that thing). I think the extra she gives her is a way to cover that.

I mean, I would love to give my mum money each month, but understand I am not in a financial position to do so. 

I've spoken to the wife and we're putting the money back into the children's account and expanded the budget for shopping and petrol so I don't go into my own pocket to fund these when the budget goes low. Will see how things are in a few weeks and whether she dips into savings if she can't fund the £150c she has after giving the other money away. 

Is your wife trying to "keep up with the Jones'" as far as her siblings are concerned?

Why does she feel she needs to contribute?

Pollycat

Deleted_User said:

The church bit is called a tithe. With the money to the parent, last year the siblings all banded together to buy the mum a fancy Audi SUV on a finance deal. My wife ran the idea by me which I shut down straight away (I would be surprised if the mum did 500 miles a year in that thing). I think the extra she gives her is a way to cover that.

I mean, I would love to give my mum money each month, but understand I am not in a financial position to do so. 

Your wife is not in a financial position to give her Mother money either.
Especially at the expense of robbing her own children to continue to spend money as she wishes.

Deleted_User said:

I've spoken to the wife and we're putting the money back into the children's account and expanded the budget for shopping and petrol so I don't go into my own pocket to fund these when the budget goes low. Will see how things are in a few weeks and whether she dips into savings if she can't fund the £150c she has after giving the other money away. 

What do you mean 'we'?
Who took the money out of the childrens' account?
Who spent your joint savings?

I'd say it was more than time to put your big boy pants on and remind your wife she is in a partnership and can't spend money she doesn't have.
And that it's time she pulled her weight in the relationship (financially).

london21

I do feel you are not ready to rock the boat.

The relationship seems strange and one sided.

lisyloo

Abbafan1972 said:

If I was in your shoes, I would have made her pack her bags and leave. Harsh I know, but this is not fair on you. 

Childless then, maybe, but with children it’s more likely than not the man has to leave and becomes a weekend dad.
not always but the system may be stacked against him.

Abbafan1972

lisyloo said:

Abbafan1972 said:

If I was in your shoes, I would have made her pack her bags and leave. Harsh I know, but this is not fair on you. 

Childless then, maybe, but with children it’s more likely than not the man has to leave and becomes a weekend dad.
not always but the system may be stacked against him.

True…it’s a system that’s very wrong though. 

lisyloo

Abbafan1972 said:

lisyloo said:

Abbafan1972 said:

If I was in your shoes, I would have made her pack her bags and leave. Harsh I know, but this is not fair on you. 

Childless then, maybe, but with children it’s more likely than not the man has to leave and becomes a weekend dad.
not always but the system may be stacked against him.

True…it’s a system that’s very wrong though. 

Abbafan1972 said:

lisyloo said:

Abbafan1972 said:

If I was in your shoes, I would have made her pack her bags and leave. Harsh I know, but this is not fair on you. 

Childless then, maybe, but with children it’s more likely than not the man has to leave and becomes a weekend dad.
not always but the system may be stacked against him.

True…it’s a system that’s very wrong though. 

I completely agree, but anyone contemplating divorce would be mad not to consider the consequences.

Abbafan1972

lisyloo said:

Abbafan1972 said:

lisyloo said:

Abbafan1972 said:

If I was in your shoes, I would have made her pack her bags and leave. Harsh I know, but this is not fair on you. 

Childless then, maybe, but with children it’s more likely than not the man has to leave and becomes a weekend dad.
not always but the system may be stacked against him.

True…it’s a system that’s very wrong though. 

Abbafan1972 said:

lisyloo said:

Abbafan1972 said:

If I was in your shoes, I would have made her pack her bags and leave. Harsh I know, but this is not fair on you. 

Childless then, maybe, but with children it’s more likely than not the man has to leave and becomes a weekend dad.
not always but the system may be stacked against him.

True…it’s a system that’s very wrong though. 

I completely agree, but anyone contemplating divorce would be mad not to consider the consequences.

Yes of course 

Coffeekup

Deleted_User said:

The church bit is called a tithe. With the money to the parent, last year the siblings all banded together to buy the mum a fancy Audi SUV on a finance deal. My wife ran the idea by me which I shut down straight away (I would be surprised if the mum did 500 miles a year in that thing). I think the extra she gives her is a way to cover that.

I've spoken to the wife and we're putting the money back into the children's account and expanded the budget for shopping and petrol so I don't go into my own pocket to fund these when the budget goes low. Will see how things are in a few weeks and whether she dips into savings if she can't fund the £150c she has after giving the other money away. 

Tithe is hebrew meaning a tenth. Does your wife visit this "church"?
You clearly didn't shut down the idea of the "SUV for mum" did you as it's still going out of her account, in to her mum's account in another form of naming.
Why should you both replace the money she has taken from the children's savings.?

Whilst I agree with most of what's been posted in this thread, we only have one side of the story. She seems to have the final say in everything but you do all the budgeting and set the budgeting rule's.
She believes to have/live with very little but spends quite a bit. 
Could it be a gambling habit she has and is covering up? 
Or is she siphoning of a load of money to start fresh one day? 
Sorry to suggest these but once your eyes are open the picture becomes clearer.