Feels like im going under!

Makingabobor2

Good post @foxgloves. I sincerely hope that @NiteEyez1980 is reading these replies now. Think we are all worried about him and it won't end well unless he takes action now, not in a few weeks or months, but right now. 

stymied

It sounds like it might be too overwhelming to think about / try to solve everything at once right now. Is there 1 small thing that you could set as your goal for tomorrow? Even if it’s as simple as take the children to the park, or fetch an extra pillow from the house you’ll feel good having accomplished it x

Abbafan1972

NiteEyez1980 said:

Hi guys

To the question on what i/we have cut back on:

Shop at Aldi/lidl
I use soap for washing, and safety razor etc for shaving (no fancy brand stuff)
Do not go to pub
I do IF (for health reasons) so save on breakfast.
No longer those 'costas' each morning at work - use Aldi coffee
I'm also a qualified PT, however my workout are done exclusively at home now, no commercial gym (or any gym) 
Social excursions (stag nights, work do's, trips away with friends have been curtailed/declined) 

I know this is an old post, but have started reading from the beginning. 

What is “IF” please? 

lillypoo

Abbafan1972 said:

NiteEyez1980 said:

Hi guys

To the question on what i/we have cut back on:

Shop at Aldi/lidl
I use soap for washing, and safety razor etc for shaving (no fancy brand stuff)
Do not go to pub
I do IF (for health reasons) so save on breakfast.
No longer those 'costas' each morning at work - use Aldi coffee
I'm also a qualified PT, however my workout are done exclusively at home now, no commercial gym (or any gym) 
Social excursions (stag nights, work do's, trips away with friends have been curtailed/declined) 

I know this is an old post, but have started reading from the beginning. 

What is “IF” please? 

Intermittent fasting I think

ladyholly

Your wife is right in oone thing and one thing only. You must man up and get on with life. Your life not the one she is forcing you to live. If I treated my husband as you are being treated I would have my stuff chucked out and the locks would be changed. I am sorry to sound harsh but how long are you going to allow someone who made her marriage vows treat you in such a manner. Get angry - I know thats hard work but it would be worth it in the end. Think hard as to what you want and do it.

poppy811

Well said lady holly. Time for a fresh start.  I know it must feel overwhelming but just start the process. You deserve better

MissPennySave

I've been following your journey from the start, and it breaks my heart to read what you are going through right now.  You are doing your very best to fix a tough financial situation, which was never your sole doing, but you have taken it all on your shoulders.  Having been in a similarly controlling relationship, albeit many moons ago, her behaviour is not acceptable, no ifs or buts.  Only you know what your are willing to do to make yourself happy, but I think the time has come to put yourself first, however hard that may be.  You have a lot on people on here behind you and supporting you so you are not alone. I wouldn't be surprised if you find out you actually have people routing for you from your friendship circle as well, even if you think they are her friends.  Quite frankly it surprises me that with the attitude she has that she actually has any friends, I'd say she is more than likely manipulating those friends and friendships as well! Sending a ton of love and strength your way.  MPS.x

EssexHebridean

stymied said:

It sounds like it might be too overwhelming to think about / try to solve everything at once right now. Is there 1 small thing that you could set as your goal for tomorrow? Even if it’s as simple as take the children to the park, or fetch an extra pillow from the house you’ll feel good having accomplished it x

This is such a good plan. I can absolutely see how it might feel completely overwhelming to try to put things right when you are starting from a place of them being so out of kilter, but it really is important that you do make a start on re-establishing a proper order of things. If not for yourself, then can you try to make some changes for the children - it must be incredibly distressing for them this current situation.

backinbusiness

I haven't commented on this thread before but first of all I wanted to congratulate you on your achievements over the last decade.  You're awesome!  Secondly - get out of the shed and back in the house - NOW.  It's your house.  Separate room; sofa whatever, but not the shed.  That's just not right.  Put your foot down - please.  What do your children say about you having to sleep in a shed??  

griffinsaver26

I’ve read your diary from the start (you have come SUCH a long way, that should be no.1 on your achievements btw) but not commented before. People have articulated much better than me how this situation is completely untenable. You’re in a domestic abuse situation and need support. Two things you can do.
 

1. Speak to work. The NHS is amazing for staff well-being and support. Phone your boss and ask for a 1:1. Go in. Tell them everything and ask for help. I guarantee they will help you. 

2. Phone the National Domestic Abuse helpline for men on 0808 8010327. They will listen, not judge and will give you help and signpost to organisations near you that can support. If you live in Yorkshire check out this organisation https://idas.org.uk/get-help-now/

You’re not alone. We are all here to support, you work for the best employer to help in these situations. There are organisations out there that can help.