Feels like im going under!

EssexHebridean

Please don't feel that your friends knowing that you've been strong enough to admit that you are struggling with your mental health and brave enough to take action to sort out medication to help with this feel in any way emasculating - it most certainly isn't - it takes a strong person to be able to acknowledge stuff like that - rather than feeling it needs to stay hidden you may even find that others will see you being brave and dealing with it, and that will give them the courage to take their own first steps. It's not the issue that is belittling, it's the way your wife has behaved - and frankly I'd say that she is belittling herself, not you. I'd be extremely surprised if your friends who heard her outburst aren't entirely horrified by her behaviour but are also extremely wary at verbalising that to you on the basis that for all they know your reaction might be outrage that they have spoken against her. 

Call a locksmith, get the locks changed (it will be a cost, but a worthwhile one) and let yourself back in. Once in, organise sleeping arrangements so that you have somewhere separate to your wife to sleep as a starting point. Tell her that the locking out and controlling behaviour needs to end there - as the next time she does it YOU will call the police. Realistically, that cannot at this stage make things any worse, can it! If she no longer wants to be married to you then SHE needs to leave - not push you out of your home. 

Sit down with the kids and tell them that you've not been very well, but that you are getting treatment for it and it's all going to be fine, reassure them that you still love them. If they ask anything about your wife's behaviour then deflect - absolutely don't be drawn into any tit-for-tat stuff with her through them (I'm sure you wouldn't, but it bears reminding) and if they say that she has been saying untruthful things about you to them or in their hearing, then calmly tell them it's not true, that you don't know why she has said those things. 

You're doing an incredibly good thing with trying to get the family finances under control - keep reminding yourself of this. Remember also that while the temptation is to say that if you'd not started on that course things would be different - they would, but eventually the house of cards was always going to come crashing down - and better now than another 50k in debt. Ultimately, if your wife has these behavioural tendencies I suspect they have been in the background long before you got to the point of being strong enough to say "enough" - no? 

Have you made contact with one of the charities that supports men in the face of domestic abuse?  They may well be able to put you in contact with a lawyer who can advise you on your actual legal position. 

Makingabobor2

Well said @EssexHebridean. Brilliant post

stymied

I'm reading and really hoping to hear that you've contacted one of the charities mentioned.

Presumably the pre-DMP budget just took a little bit of a whoops from the family BBQ & beers at the pub and is now back on track to balancing with the extra bit of belt tightening.

Could you sign up for survey websites yourself to earn a few extra pennies for the emergency fund while you're off sick?

Is it time to re-look at sleeping over at work 1 day a week given that DW is grumpy anyway?

Your health and ability to work to protect your home, and your children's wellbeing come first.

JillyC8

Find a way to get back in the house, even if you have to break something, and take some control back. The more you let her treat you like dirt, the less respect she'll have for you (if she has any at all).
Don't engage with her; don't take her shopping. See a solicitor asap and explain the situation. You need to get out so you can start looking forward and focusing on your children and keeping yourself well.

lillypoo

Just wanted to check in and see if you're OK?

Flossymuldoo

I hope you’re ok

NiteEyez1980

Hi guys

Sorry haven't checked in for a while. 

I'm still sleeping in shed, things r still bad. 

I went for a 25m walk today trying to clear my head. 

I take her shopping as she doesn't drive and to ensure budget is followed. 

She had the gall today when I got back to tell me that I've given her nothing, she's wasted 15yrs with someone whose never been fully committed??

She told me to do one and jump off a pier and do her a favour. I went for the walk and when I got back she was fuming as she said my walk should have been 2 hrs max?? 

She has said MH is a load of crap and i should 'man up' and get on with life. 

As I've posted earlier, sadly she is a very 1 track minded and quite ignorant person in her views. If she thought the sky was purple, it doesn't matter thatvthe other 99.999% of. The world say its blue and corroborate it with fact, she'll still argue her view as correct..regardless how absurb her rationale is 

Makingabobor2

You really have to stop engaging with her and seek help from a solicitor and also a therapist for your health issues. The more you engage with her, the worse this will get. She cannot stop you sleeping in your own house.  And why are you taking her shopping?  She doesn't want you there, so let her make her own arrangements to get there if she can't drive.  She will be thinking she has won, by the fact that you are still sleeping in the shed, and you still take her shopping!   

sparks_2023

She has learnt she can treat you like dirt on her shoe with no consequences. What happiness are you getting now ? Don't waste your life in this misery. If you are living in a shed you might as well be bankrupt and homeless. This doesn't end well. Walk away. Tell her you are going to get somewhere proper to live. Then you can work on everything else.

foxgloves

So sorry to hear things are still so awful. Really though, @NiteEyez1980, she cannot stop you sleeping in your own house. I presume you have a plan? Because it can't be to continue sleeping in the shed like a dog & driving her to supermarkets while collecting the latest vile put-downs & abuse. Is everything at least documented? Please tell us you have made at least some inroads into a plan to get both your rights, life & importantly, your self-respect back. I have no legal knowledge, but if the gender roles were reversed, there would be help there for you. Have you actually seen a solicitor or are you planning on living in the shed forever?  This is just an awful situation for you & the mental health jibes belong to a different world (& century), but if you don't stand up to her utterly unacceptable, abusive & cruel behaviour, I don't see an escape route opening up anytime soon.
Lots of us very worried about you on here. I don't usually comment strongly on people's relationship issues, & probably won't again, but I want to stress just how completely wrong this is. I can't see it changing unless you nail your colours to the mast, however, & get a plan in place, probably beginning, as others have said, with a solicitor.
Please take care of yourself because you are worth so much more than this.
F x