Feels like im going under!

Martico

Good luck Luke, also reading and hoping all can work out in the best way possible

lillypoo

Hi like

Just wanted to pop in and say I've read your diary from start to finish today. You're inspiring and brave! I've subscribed and want to wish you well ..I hope life gets easier for you soon

Xx

Moneyfordreams

NHS safeguarding can support employees as well as patients. Good luck Luke 

stymied

How’s are you getting on?

enthusiasticsaver

I hope you are doing ok after the horrific events of a week or so ago. 

Sncjw

I hope you are ok. You have been very quiet on here compared to how you were in the past. I hope everything is ok

NiteEyez1980

Hi everyone, 

Apologies for the radio silence. 

Tbh, things havent been going great for me/us at all.

The doctor signed me off work with depression and upped the meds, which came with it some massive side effects. 

I've been off for 2 weeks now and heading into week 3.

On the home front it has been in short horrific. 

The wife announced to basically everyone I know, at a small gathering (el cheapo Iceland special bbq pack. Bbq) that I have MH issues and on meds etc!!!!

It was emasculating, embarassing, humiliating... Pick a negative adjective and it fits the bill really.

I then chose to make a mistake, I drank on the meds and basically went abit loopy, stormed off and basically ended up in my local pub, messy, incoherent and when I returned home, rather than be sympathetic my wife had locked me out. 

Since then I've been living in my bar/shed on a blow up mattress and a sleeping bag.

Unfortunately I literally have zero places to go. No family, no friends whom I can go to or sofa surf and I fear that I'm at a tipping point whereby I'm going to potentially lose my job, my family and my home. 

It is a horrible place to be mentally and emotionally and my wife has and is showing zero effort to accomodate this. Infact it actually feels like she has upped the ante!!

Of course the going loppy bit was entirely my fault, however at a time where I feel I need support, I'm actually getting the antithesis of it. 

The conversations we are having is how utterly, utterly fuming she is that she has had to go back to work, our spending habits have had to stop and in effect how utterly hard done by she now is. 

Now she's spent me into a hole and the line of credit has stopped she's literally said in not so many words that she's not interested in me anymore!

I ma far from perfect, have made more than my fair share of mistakes however in the last 10 years ive

Worked massively long hours 
Nearly tripled my income
Learnt to drive
Got my degree 
Bought the house 
4 foreign holidays 
Numerous uk holidays
Had a loft conversion
New kitchen
Redecorated house 3x
New garden
Built a bar
Worked through covid

All the while paying for my stepsons (there dad never paid a penny), and our 4 kids

Whilst my wife never worked., yet I've been called selfish, self centred and a. Failure. 

The insane thing is I've sanitised and condensed it for this update. 

On the other side of it all Barring natwest credit card is now defaulted, so just waiting on that. 

Apologies for emoting so much. 

I hope in some small way this will help. Others not to make the mistakes I have. 

Take care

Singlespeeder

Luke. !!!!!!. I'm genuinely speechless.
I've been reading your post from the start with ALL the Ups and Downs and your journey has been remarkable, terrifying but remarkable.
I'm just gobsmacked at how different you and your wife apparently are.
You were both in deep !!!!!!. 
One of you is trying to rectify this situation, and it's not your wife.
Why she can't see this is the ONLY viable path out of the hole and is treating you in this abusive way is beyond me. 
I have nothing to offer except my support. You are doing the right thing.
But bud, I really feel for you.
Sending you a manhug 

jokono

Hi Luke,
I have been reading your diary and really feel for you. I remember other members of the forum here saying you could talk to someone at work?
There are charities offering help as well, you do really need support and I hope you will reach out. 

https://mensadviceline.org.uk/getting-support/

https://mankind.org.uk/help-for-victims/how-we-can-help/

Sncjw

I'm.so sorry to read this. 

I hope the people at bbq will see her for who is she is. I wouldn't be embarrassed at all about yourself. I would imagine the people at the bbq were horrified and would support you. Can you reach out to one of them to see if they can help you. What about the friends that she called you out on in front of them? 

Horrible woman.