Feels like im going under!

booneruk

Just wanted to pop up and say that I've been reading this diary from the beginning and are firmly rooting for you. Things might seem tough now, but there will be better days ahead.

ladyholly

Please get to see your GP and let him know that your meds were thrown away by your wife (if you havent already done so). It needs to be logged along with other behaviours in case of problems down the line. I know you say there is no one you can talk to to other than the people on here but there is an organisation for men who are victims of domestic abuse. It might help you to talk to them . At the very least they will be asle to listen.

You cannot continue working 80 hours a week without eating  and sleeping properly. You will fall apart and then where will you and your  family be. No one can carry on like that and to be perfectly frank if your wife doesnt see that she is stupid and doesnt deserve a caring husband who is doing his best. Look after yourself and try to look to a better future.

triple_choc_chip

Another here sending strength and moral support, yes we are strangers but these diaries can be a reservoir of support, unmatched in real life.
I also worry about you driving long distance after working a 12 hour shift, IIRC, you work for the NHS?  Is there any facility for sleeping over? Even one or two nights would save precious time, fuel and offer you respite from the hostile home environment.

EssexHebridean

That last is a really good point, and allowing for your commute I’m surprised your employer hasn’t picked up on this as a concern under their duty of care for your welfare. I’d suggest that a chat with someone in your HR department might be a good plan - to see if perhaps there is a “stay over” option to improve things on that front, and also to see if there might be counselling options provided through your employment that might be of use. 

NiteEyez1980

Hi guys

Thank you for all your kind words.

Staying over isn't an option as the Missus frankly wouldn't ware it. 

I committed to the job.and new about the commute. It's a great job, it's just the grief I get at home means I don't get the rest I need. 

I'm working extra at the moment as we have staff vacancies, so should go. Back down to 40-50 soon. 

To answer the question the missus works 13h a week.

I have a GP call coming up soon. 

Unfortunately it's the pure unreasonability that defies any kind of crediblity to validate it thatbisnthe worst one e.g.

Her mums paying for slimming world for her (she's not big but doesn't like her size?) now she hates exercise, and has lost about 13lbs but now sits stopped which has made he like a bear with a sore head. As a qualified PT I've siad I'd support her and train her but she absolutely won't hear of it.

"I've lost it before on my own, I know what to do"

Problem is that was 10 years ago when she was early 30s 

Everyone knows you need to combine diet with exercise but nope.... Not her!!! And she's wondering why nothings changing after the first month???

Anyway I've digressed. Just wanted to let you know I'm still here. 

No further letters from banks etc

Makingabobor2

Oh my....staying over isn't an option as your wife wouldn't like it????   You have to stop doing what she wants all the time and think about what is best for you. If I was you, I would tell her that either she stops giving you grief and get onboard with the whole new financial situation, or you WILL be stopping at work overnight just to get some rest.  She can't demand that you come home every night and then kick you out of your own bed or make you sleep in the shed. It really is emotional abuse, its not just "grief" you are getting at home.  Remember to tell the GP EVERYTHING, not just about how you are feeling, but how your wife has been behaving as well. 

NiteEyez1980

She can't demand that you come home every night and then kick you out of your own bed or make you sleep in the shed.

Sadly she can. I would come back to My clothes and possessions destroyed, and I'd be locked out etc

This would all be played off against the backdrop like the shining to create drama and make me look bad. 

It's happened before (numerous nights spent in the car, locked out, things broken etc)

Thing is u have no family, no m8s u can sofa surf at and no money to stay somewhere. 

I also know any divorce would be brutal, she's told me as such and u know it'll be the kids who suffer. 

Anyway I've said enough. I'll endure, have a great Bank Holiday beautiful souls xxx

Whiterose23

She’s got you right where she wants you - living in fear. The kids would be fine - better than witnessing their mother treating dad so badly and all the drama. She would be the one who would suffer the most if you weren’t there as she wouldn’t have you pandering to her needs.
I would put your most treasured possessions out of her reach, keep a bag packed with essentials and stay at work when you can. Let her throw a fit and every time she does, walk out again. You need a bolthole. How can you stand living like this??

NiteEyez1980

Think it's the end. 

She got !!!!!! and infront of everyone we know and basically character assassinated my dead mom... horrific!

She'd met the poor woman once. 

I was led out in tears... By her own mates. When we got home I flipped and told her to ask her own mates what they think of her, she went nuts! 

In 10 years she has lost 4 close friends due to her angry, violent, aggressively self opinionated behavior. On 2 occassions she physically attacked them when they dared to dispute her. 

Tonight she went nuts, said indiscribably nasty things about my poor deceased mum, at a night may I add I didn't want to go to and she pressured me into appearing at. 

I fear I'm being goaded into losing my temper bad, and in a public setting (being set up) 

I fear those subscribing to my diary are going to play witness to a divorce in update form!

This is going to sounds sick but her behavior is like a female version of mid 90s Grant Mitchell. 

stymied

You’ve been together a long time. Perhaps some of her friends are actually your friends too and could be called upon if you get locked out of the house again?

Time to tell her to sleep in the spare room!