Feels like im going under!

curly_moose

Hi,

I hope that you don’t mind me butting in, but I wanted to echo that, as a neutral observer, the situation you’re describing does sound abusive: locking you out and interfering with your medication IS physical abuse, wrecking your stuff IS material/financial abuse, threatening you with ruination if you don’t fall into line IS coercive control.

Even if you don’t want to do anything now, can I suggest keeping track of these things, as it may be helpful to you in the future? If you’re concerned about your spouse finding out, the Bright Sky app looks like a weather app and has a function to keep a contemporaneous record of instances of abuse.

ladyholly

I concur that you need to keep a record of these events. I realise it's not my place to comment but do you want to live the rest of your life with someone so vindictive. 

saveroony

Would love to hear an update I hope things are going ok at home and you are sticking with everything I have found reading your diary so inspirational to get my own finances under control 

Hollie_Hobbie

Just wanted to send some virtual hugs to you - you are going through so much x

I also wanted to say, when you've said "sounds weak" about yourself, I think the complete opposite - you sound like an incredibly strong and selfless person, and you should never forget that.  Please make sure you get the AD's sorted as you need to make sure that you look after yourself, and sadly you then need to keep them hidden.  I hope that things start to improve for you.

NiteEyez1980

Hi guys. 

Thanks for all the kind words, means more to me than yiu van possibly know. 

Everyone here has been so Supportive and kind 😘.

Well as it stands we have basically just returned to business as usual. 

What is clear is that the Mrs Just cannot handle compromise and change anywhere near reality at the moment.

It is something we are and will have to continue to work through.

Obviously if it gets too much for her and it's 'over' then at least I will know I've done my best. 

I sold my tablet the weekend for some extra cash and I havent posted as I'm limiting my electronics usage in favour of more 'real' entertainment:

Playing footie with kids
Board games with kids
Walk with kids

I was able to pick up a replacement fire and surround for an insane £50 (thank you tablet). Needs some work but this is something we'd have dumped £800 on the cc a year ago. 

To end on a positive note, this has been very liberating. I am not feeling like a slave to:

Purchasing 
Electronics
Spending
Material things. 

We have a fox that lives near is and he's like a dog. I spent a couple of hours in the evening watching him at play. There is such beauty out there in the world and none of it is pixelated. 

Take care you lovely people xxx

Makingabobor2

Glad to hear you are ok, but I don't think your wife can just expect to "return to business as usual" when the mood takes her, and then abuse you like that when she is in a mood. It is abuse whatever way you look at it.  I really think you need to think long and hard about how long you are prepared to let her treat you like that. 

Glad to hear you are getting some fun time with the kids. I love it when my GKs come round and we play board games. I agree also about beauty in the world, get out there and enjoy it with your family now spring is on its way.   In our "spendy" years, we used to holiday in a certain theme park in the USA, which always seemed magical, but at the end of the day is man made and intended to make you spend money.  Since having our light bulb moment, we have found such pleasure in the Lake District, north east coast, Yorkshire Dales and walking along canals & rivers near home, and spending a lot more time in the garden. We are on this earth for such a short time, we need to make the most of it.  

foxgloves

There is much peace & joy to be found out in nature. It's both restoring & balancing. I envy you your weekend of less electronics activity. Great to spend some time on meaningful activities with your kids. Good times spent with them will be remembered by them more than any amounts of money spent.
Ultimately, your wife will have little choice but to accept the new financial reality. The alternative didn't bear thinking about. Sounds like it's going to take a lot longer than you'd like, but eventually, I feel the light will start to dawn that carrying on spending on credit would have led to a much worse scenario than the more frugal lifestyle she faces now. She doesn't have to like the new reality, but can't be in denial about its necessity forever.
Anyway @NiteEyez1980, I enjoyed reading your post & found in it a simple profundity & truth.
Onwards into another week. You will get there.
F

satchmo1

@NiteEyez1980
when my ex's head-injury related destructive ways escalated, I asked our GP to put a few things on record - he knew the whole story, and his comment was "I'm surprised you've lasted this long [in the marriage]". Within a month, ex had hit our teenage son so husbands belongings and him were packed off quick-smart. 

Only telling you this because you absolutely need to tell your GP about your wife flushing your anti-d's. Whether you mention anything else is for you to decide, but I'd recommend you do.

Makingabobor2

satchmo1 said:

@NiteEyez1980
when my ex's head-injury related destructive ways escalated, I asked our GP to put a few things on record - he knew the whole story, and his comment was "I'm surprised you've lasted this long [in the marriage]". Within a month, ex had hit our teenage son so husbands belongings and him were packed off quick-smart. 

Only telling you this because you absolutely need to tell your GP about your wife flushing your anti-d's. Whether you mention anything else is for you to decide, but I'd recommend you do.

Totally agree with this

Spendy_no_more

sweetpea26 said:

I am so sorry you are being abused by your wife...this is abuse.
If you were a woman and posted this what, would our reaction be? Call woman's aid etc.
As a mother if you were my son I would be devastated for you. You deserve better.  Is there anyone you can turn to talk to?
Take good care of yourself.  You are worth it. 

This is exactly my thoughts as I read this. If a woman had posted this it would be called what it is, domestic abuse. Her behaviour is controlling, cruel and deceitful. It beggars belief that she would flush your medication down the toilet, I'm in shock by that. Let alone lock you out of your own home for the night. As sweetpea26 says, do you have any close friends if no family that can support you? You have a community here rooting for you and sending lots of support and positive vibes, keep posting and know we're here cheering you on in the background.