Feels like im going under!

Phudge

I am reading and interested! I'm so sorry that your wife locked you out, that is totally unacceptable. Working together as a team is so much easier.

triple_choc_chip

Sncjw said:

What are anti d meds? 

Anti depressants.

I’m still reading and willing you along.  I too leave much of the debt advice to those who know more. I was just thinking yesterday that it is six months since you started your diary and still no defaults registered; all that stress and worry over not making payments yet the system grinds so slowly in response.

I hope you are out of the shed now - honestly though, both her actions yesterday are abusive and cruel.  I have every sympathy for someone struggling to adapt to frugal ways if they don’t fully understand the financial situation but your latest post is most concerning. I hope you can get another prescription today or have a supply somewhere safe, I haven’t taken anti-d’s but I believe that if you were to discontinue with them it needs to be a very slow withdrawal, for your wife to leave you cold turkey is unacceptable. No one has the right to mess with another’s medical prescription.

It seems things may be peaking, look after yourself first because if you are not well you can’t work and look out for others such as your children.  Good luck today.

Sncjw

What a horrible cruel woman. So self centered I think. 

I hope your ok. She needs to get her head out the sand and support you. 

Very admiral that you are trying to sort your debts out whilst battling depression. Surely she can see that sorting the debts out could help you mentally and financially

stymied

Ask at your local pharmacy for an emergency supply of your medication.

Are the trainers still in a state where they can be returned?

Great news on the car!!

foxgloves

Appalling behaviour from your wife & I am sorry you had to endure it. I feel so genuinely sorry that you don't seem able to work consistently as a team on this, & that your wife doesn't seem to see that the old lifestyle with that huge amount of debt just wasn't sustainable & would have doubtless come crashing down by now. I think I've commented before on your diary that when I was first hit by the anti-debt lightbulb (after more than 2 decades of debt), Mr F was very much still on the 'spend what I like, when I like' page & we had a difficult few weeks relationship-wise, as I tried to implement a sufficiently strict budget to enable us to start repaying our assortment of overdrafts, loans & credit cards. Thankfully, it WAS just a few difficult weeks for us, as he basically saw me pay off my 24-year old overdraft, & that I was planning to make inroads into my horrible flexi-loan next, & he wanted in on the action. Once we were working together as a team, it was just soooo much easier & I don't think we've had a single argument about money ever since.
Mr F is a hobbyist.......he is big on his music collection (the more obscure the better!), films, photography, etc, so having a monthly Personal Spends allowance has been key for us. When we first started debt-busting all those years ago, we were still paying a mortgage & 2 car loans and could only afford £50 a month, then we were able to increase it to £60 & finally to £100, which is our current amount. The only 2 rules with our Personal Spends is that 1) We can spend it on absolutely whatever we want & 2) When it's gone, it's gone, there is no dipping into other parts of the monthly budget or using credit cards. We do each have a credit card, but they are purely used for planned spending to make maximum use of loyalty points for vouchers. If we need a bit more cash in our Personal Spends, then we do online surveys (Prolific A) & can easily add between £20 & £45 extra per month just from that site.
I know your wife doesn't seem in the right headspace to acknowledge this, but the simple truth of the matter is that if you have to put it on a credit card, take out or extend a loan or go into overdraft to pay for it, then that is somebody else's money, not yours. And thus, it will eventually result in payback time. That's where you are now, & it is definitely not as much fun as going out spending it. BUT the security of getting one's financial affairs straight, of not owing money & living within one's means. Honestly, it is priceless, especially from a mental health, future security point of view. 
I do hope today is a better day for you, that you can have a rational talk about the appalling behaviour which saw you locked out of your home yesterday - if there is no progress on this front, then I think you maybe need to be putting a practical plan in place for if it happens again. Hope also that you are able to access some replacement meds as a priority. 
F

NiteEyez1980

Hi guys 

I'm not  surprised. 

Usually it's one of my belongings that gets broken, however I pretty much have nothing left to break (only clothes to cut up) 

This has been on cards all week:..

1. Her bday was a muted affair
2. Had to cancel a kids evening club as can't afford it. 
3. She's had to spend her bday money on shopping due to car. 
4. I've said no to nights out. 
5.sheshad to turn done nights out
6. I've limited going to kids parties as March alone cost me £50.
7. I've siad we can't have a foreign holiday in 2024 
8. She's had to take additional shifts on

Tbh, shes ways been selfish and quite vindictive to get her own way and now the credit line is gone she feels hard done by. Sounds weak but I have no family so can't even sofa hop and she knows that so periodically I get the threat of divorce or runination to keep me in line. I can't walk as no where to go and I love my kids too much. 

In her mind she's now working and we have less so feels aggrieved!

Everything was going so positive but now just feel epically low and sad! 

Not sympathy seeing by the way, I just feel cathartic writing about it and getting it out my system

sweetpea26

I am so sorry you are being abused by your wife...this is abuse.
If you were a woman and posted this what, would our reaction be? Call woman's aid etc.
As a mother if you were my son I would be devastated for you. You deserve better.  Is there anyone you can turn to talk to?
Take good care of yourself.  You are worth it. 

triple_choc_chip

Ok, so this can’t go on just because you feel you have no options. At some point if you can’t call it you have to at least bluff it because it’s the only way to even up the balance of power and be taken seriously. Something needs to give and I would guess that something would be her attitude.

What does her threat of ruination look like?  You have nothing but debt at the moment.  She can’t demand or take what you don’t have any more than the debt collectors can.

What would separation/divorce look like? Living separately you would pay max 19% of your gross salary as child maintenance and 50% of the mortgage. Shared care reduces that further. No contribution to her overheads so she’ll need to work full time. Meantime, much less daily strife for you and no chance of being locked out. 

Makingabobor2

Well pointed out @triple_choc_chip. How does she think she can ruin you? You don't have anthing to give her. She either has to grow up, accept the situation & help you work it all out, or she needs to leave & let you sort ot out alone without her nasty attitude. 

enthusiasticsaver

No advice as I have never been in the position you are with an abusive spouse but popping in to say I feel for you. Spending the night in the shed because she locked you out is dreadful. How would she feel if you did that to her?