Feels like im going under!

EssexHebridean

Some really good advice here already - and I see someone else has used the word "appalling" to describe your wife's behaviour - so I will go with disgraceful. I try hard not to cast judgement on the behaviour of our diary folk on here's partners where possible because it's always difficult knowing that you only hear one side of a story - but there is absolutely no grounds for her throwing tantrums like a naughty toddler simply as a result of being told "no!" about spending money you don't have. As for locking you out and removing your access to medication that you need, that's unforgiveable. 

I'll point you in the direction of Refuge who help men suffering domestic abuse - information from them here: https://refuge.org.uk/i-need-help-now/other-support-services/support-for-men/ 
As others have said, I'd also suggest speaking with your GP about how to deal with the risk of her flushing your meds again - one option might be to have more frequent prescriptions so it's possible for you to keep one "in hand" at the chemist - that would work if you have a prepayment certificate for the prescriptions which hopefully you do? That also gets her behaviour on record as well as suggested. 

It really sounds like something has fallen into place for you about this whole process too. You sound far calmer and more measured about things in your last post. 

NiteEyez1980

Good morning everyone, 

I hope this update finds you well. 

It's confirmed both shawbrook and sainsburys are officially defaulted

Do you know what, it is so liberating.

Upto last Xmas I used to literally be in abject fear of:

Late payment 
Missing payment
My credit score

5 months in and only 2 of 12 have defaulted!

They cultivate such fear over this stuff, like a few days  late or 1 missed payment is a world ender. My credit score is still 400 after all this. 

On a side note, given my income, and debts, whilst I was the applyee or holder of the card, given my finances under responsible lending should they really have been agreeing or upping limits?? - that's obviously a side note. 

Anyway outside of the domestic issues this has caused I hope those reading who are struggling and considering doing this, take strength from this and do it. 

If the mortg rates hadn't gone mad I'd have consolidated again (like I did a few years ago for 50k) and just turned more unsecured debt, secured. Your encouraged to do this as the 'right thing to do' all the while lenders throw money at you with no thought on its impact! 

For the first time since I've been an adult I see the credit score as just a cynical designation designed to imprison you! 

We are not numbers! 

Anyway, much 💗 to all you beautiful people. 

Xxx

foxgloves

Another really positive post @NiteEyez1980. You are off that treadmill now.
F

Makingabobor2

So pleased to read this post, you sound so much more positive about it all. 

 With regards to the defaults, I think ours took about 6 months for all of them to default ( we had 15 at the time), but I did write to them all and actually keep asking for defaults. So don't know if that speeded the process up a bit or not.   As for the credit score, we don't even bother to check ours these days. No point as we don't want credit again.  I'm sure once our debts improve, so will the credit score, so that's good enough for me.   All our defaults have now disappeared from credit files as been over 6 years. We have got rid of a few debts with great F&F offers and continue to pay the minimum on the others, until we are in a position to agree good F&F's on the others...hopefully from this summer onwards when our income improves quite a bit.  At the moment my priority is getting the mortgage paid quicker. 

Hope your wife is a bit more on board with it all now. 

elsien

I don't often comment but I think there's a few of us here in the background as silent cheerleaders through the ups and downs, then ideally back up again. 
Glad you are able to persevere and starting to see some results. There are times when it will feel like one endless long slog. That's where you have to take the small wins where you can find them. 

rumpetroll

I've been following your diary from the start and from your initial posts I thought you were still a way off your lightbulb moment and heading towards a further downward spiral, but I'm so glad to be proven wrong here, you've struggled through it but I think you're now in the right mindset to get through this.

I'll continue following, I'm sure there will be further tough times ahead but look forward to seeing you conquer those challenges.

ET22

I never comment on these boards. I have just read your whole diary today. Very pleased for you about stopping paying the CC's you cant afford and are taking the advice of experienced members. A wonderfully huge well done on this. As mentioned by a previous poster, go back to the gp, tell them what your wife did and contact a domestic violence service. There may be tough times ahead BUT there is light at the end of the tunnel because you started the journey. Stay strong                

NiteEyez1980

You know the weird thing about life. 

When one thing feels like it's going right... Something else pops up to bring you down. 

Worked from 5am to 6pm today. Got home only to be castigated by the wife for how bad her life is. She can't do 'tea' with her pals during the day... Or go on 'that' hen night.

You'd thing id slept with her sister, and spent the mortgage money on coke and !!!!!! for how venomous she is/was. 

She's told me straight she isn't coping with this new 'life' well. 

I'm working 80hr+ weeks, eating only 2 meals a day, sleeping 4hrs a night and it's still not enough!

One work colleague this week actually asked if i was ill as I look so gaunt. 

There is zero support and after a 12hr day being castigated for a lack of 'girls night out' fun, it just legit makes me feel worthless and what's the point. 

On the one hand after years my finances finally feel in control... On the other my wife is presenting as a goldigging monster, hell Bent on my emotional execution. 

It's like her bday, she got £180 from family and yet refuses to put it into housekeeping, whereas I have no family (father 86, mum dead)  and have sold all my inheritance, trinkets or memorabilia from my mum for food and shopping. 

I apologise for emoting here however it feels like my only 'ear'. 

Sad I know that I'm emoting to faceless avatars whom I've never met or have connection to me, but it has/does provide comfort..and has/is a source of strength!!! 

Please don't think I'm going to do something stupid.... I'm not! 

I appreciate all your support. 

Just sadly my missus is showing her true colours after 15 years of marriage! 

Oh and as a great cake topper. Despite prolapsed and herniated discs in my back I get to sleep in the spare room tonight  on a kid bed or get to have the shed again as penance for objecting to my life predicament. 

Really beautiful as if I object she's told me she'll ring 999 say all sorts and lose me my job and probably freedom to boot.  

elsien

I’m sorry to hear your wife is being so difficult. 

You’re not worthless, you are being very strong. And the point is to keep a roof over yours and your children’s heads. 

Your life, your marriage but don’t start believing that this is all your fault. We’re not living in the 50s anymore, where men provide and ladies lunch. Equal responsibility goes both ways. 

Sncjw

Does your wife work at all. 

You can't be the only one that is sacrificing things but you can't sacrifice your health. You are going to burn out at some point with working so many hours on very little sleep and energy from food. Plus the sgtreas your wife is giving you. 

Maybe you need to show her the actual numbers and the reason why she can't do these things. Also show how long you have to do this for to get a better life..

I'm sorry that your wife is a pita and her lightbulb moment hasnt come yey.