Feels like im going under!

stymied

She can spend her birthday money on tea and the hen night if that’s what she wants to use it for (accepting that it’s not going to be put in general family money). Plus she can do online surveys like others have said. She will need a social / entertainment budget, however small, even if it’s what she can save from the housekeeping over the course of a month (not spending on going out from the current month’s) - incentive to be thrifty. Can you use separate accounts / cards to keep pots of money separate?

Did you get a chance to see your GP yet? It sounds like having a record of what’s going on may protect you in the future. I would have been tempted to call her bluff - you go ahead love if you want to lose the house and be placed in a 1 room B&B with the kids.

Eat! 3 meals a day. You have to protect your health to protect your income.

How’s your SOA looking now? Have you managed to balance the books without needing to sell possessions to survive? It may be useful to repost your SOA just to see if anyone has more advice now you’ve updated it and lived with the new version for a bit.

Hollie_Hobbie

So sorry you're going through all this. She sounds to be unbelievably spoilt and nasty!

I would be tempted to try record some of your conversations with your wife. This may sound dramatic but you need to protect yourself in case she starts throwing accusations around in the future. 

Your hours of work are crazy. Is this the norm?

Cressida100

I'm just popping in to say you are doing really well with the finances. I'm so sorry you are not getting the support you deserve. There's a lot more I would like to say about your selfish wife but that won't be helpful. 

Focus on how well you've done so far, I don't think she is going to change her attitude so you will have to try and not let her rubbish attitude affect your health. 

Makingabobor2

Call her bluff. Let her call 999. What does she think they will do....really?  You have done nothing wrong.  Police won't be interested.   You need to work less, sleep more and eat better. TBH, I just think you'd be so much better of without her.   You need to keep records of all these things she is doing/saying. When I was married to an emotionally abusive Ex, it was the notes I kept for solicitor and Dr, that finally got him out of the house and got me my life back.  I really think you must face up to the fact that your wife is not onboard with all this and is more in love with money than she is with you. 

EssexHebridean

No - absolutely do NOT call her bluff. It's clear from what you are saying that she has capacity to be unreasonable and behave in an almost unhinged way - and you would be far from the first person to be badly affected by false allegations. 

DO go and see your GP though - did you manage to sort something out to ensure that you have a stash of medication somewhere you can get at and she can't? 
DO make sure that you eat properly and prioritise your own wellbeing - it's back again to putting on your own mask before helping others - if you make yourself ill you can't be the best, strongest and most capable parent you need to be, as a starting point. Keeping your own health under control as far as you are able is part of that. 
And DO keep an account of what has been going on - all of it, even the little niggly stuff. You can post stuff here if it is a good place to keep an "on the record" note - if you head up a post "NOT FOR FURTHER COMMENT OR DISCUSSION" then we will know to honour that and just leave it uncommented as a record. 

On the financial stuff - how is your SOA looking in terms of income and outgoings now? Last I recall it was a work in progress - just losing the debt repayments should mean you were close to breaking even though, and if you've been able to get other spending down, then that should mean you now have a surplus? I'd suggest that in terms of the financial stuff you priorise that now - you need to get it all properly nailed down so you know how much you will have for a DMP once your defaults are in place. 

Once you have your budget fully worked out it might also be possible to put a paper printed copy of it in front of your wife and ask her for her input on how she would do things differently in order to live within your household means, too. I know she might  not want to engage on this, but it does mean that in future when she tries to infer that the current situation is all of your doing, you can point out that you have asked her for her input... 

JillyC8

Sounds like she belongs somewhere in the 1950s.

How long will you be a victim? Is there any way you can get out of there and put a roof over your head and start moving in a different direction with your life?

enthusiasticsaver

I feel for you having to deal with this not only with no support but with someone who clearly does not value, appreciate or love you. Your wife sounds truly selfish but I don’t get why she is able to kick you out of your own bed. If you have a bad back then a proper good nights sleep and three meals a day should be your priority. I know it must be difficult and long term you may have to split up as she doesn’t sound like she cares about you at all except as an earner. 

foxgloves

I'm.not sure why your wife, who is being extremely unreasonable regarding your joint financial situation, should get to decide where you sleep! Maybe a solution might be to go up to bed first with a book, & if she objects to your presence, she has the choice of the ouchy kiddy bed or indeed the shed. I really wouldn't be putting up with this level of bullying nonsense. 
F

Makingabobor2

foxgloves said:

I'm.not sure why your wife, who is being extremely unreasonable regarding your joint financial situation, should get to decide where you sleep! Maybe a solution might be to go up to bed first with a book, & if she objects to your presence, she has the choice of the ouchy kiddy bed or indeed the shed. I really wouldn't be putting up with this level of bullying nonsense. 
F

Totally agree. You really can't let her call the shots and ruin your life. It is emotional abuse. Been there, seen that and got the T-shirt. The only way out of it for me was a good solicitor, Drs' reports, and finally a divorce. 

ET22

In respect of your health, hope youve managed to get to the gp.Working 80 hours per week, is that really sustainable without it having serious consequences? Think about prioritising your health and addressing this first. You have to put yourself first in respect of this because if you are unwell, this impacts on your children.   

Your wife... do you think that although you know the things she is doing are wrong, that you have lived like this for a long time and are desensitised to her current worsening behaviour? If so, this may lead you to minimise the impact of her behaviour on you and during calmer periods of time. Anyway, contact a domestic abuse service for advice. You might feel you can manage or put up with it, but thats not the case if she is dictating where you sleep whilst watching you work an 80 hour week.      

It's good to see you have got more control over your finances by letting the defaults happen :-) 

I have done exactly the same things you are doing, im just giving advice based on my own experiences.Remember that you are as important as everyone else.