Feels like im going under!

enthusiasticsaver

It sounds like she has serious anger issues. I am not sure it is good for children to be brought up in such a dysfunctional home where the mother goads the father, throws out meds and makes him sleep in the shed. I urge you not to fall into playing her games but firmly start to assert yourself or make an exit plan. 

foxgloves

Agree with the above post. I'm glad you had some witnesses to her dreadful behaviour. It really does sound utterly unreasonable. Planning an exit strategy will feel scary, but wouldn't it be ultimately liberating if it meant you are no longer having to tiptoe around this dreadful abusive behaviour? Time to get into assertive mode & get a plan in place. 
F

Makingabobor2

Agree with everything said above. You need to start getting assertive and either get out or get her out. It is not a good situation for either you or your kids.  At least others have now seen what she is like. Reminds me so much of the situation I had with my Ex. She obviously has anger issues. Do you think any of it is fuelled by alcohol? 

sparks_2023

Awful.

Reminds me of my experience with someone whose vindictiveness knew no limit - culminating in her banging her own head 3 times hard against the wall, calling the police and getting me automatic disbelief, arrested, a night in the cells, and the duty lawyer advising a "no comment interview". Not my most fun experience.

Keep a "getaway bag" with your passport and documents in it and be prepared to leave in an instance.

By the way, your diary here is actually some sort of evidence should you need it.

ladyholly

I  have no experience of such behaviour from someone but I would say as much as you dont want a divorce I think you should get your important things out of the house and simply not return from your days work. I believe you work for the NHS so enlist the help of HR and, assuming you are in a union, their help in find somewhere to lay your weary head. It may be hard on the children in the short term but I am sure they are aware of the atmosphere in your home even if they havent seen or heard anything. You now have witnesses to her behaviour so get yourself a solicitor and start proceedings. You cannot continue  live like this and neither can the children. You say your wife has lost friends due to her behaviour so if you can and they are willing you could possibly enlist their help in divorce and custody proceedings. One question that does occur is how does she treat the children? 

I am sure walking out on your life is scary but so is living in fear of another outburst and far more detrimental to your well being. Good luck with making a tough decision.

redlaces

Sending you all the kind thoughts, you don't deserve the disgusting treatment you are getting simply for trying to do right by your family. There is lots of practical advice here, so I will just add: stay strong, you've got this, and you have so many people here rooting for you.

Muddy_Walker

I too have read your diary from the beginning and am completely disgusted by your wife.
keep a note of everything and I mean everything … make sure the dr documents what happened to your medication….there is nothing else I can say or I’d be banned!!!!!
Stay strong.

vampirotoothus

Sending you best wishes, whilst you try and decide how to proceed. Gradually things will shift for you and things will change. V x

EssexHebridean

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/80021019#Comment_80021019

Precisely what ES says - an exit plan is a must.

Don't fall into the trap of feeling as though you have to stay together for the children - kids aren't daft and would be happier with one happy parent (ie you as by the sound of it she will never be happy regardless) than two at war with each other.

If you haven't already started documenting the detals, then do so - if you want somewhere private to use have a look at the Penzu website - it allows you to write completely privately and password protect the contents too. You MUST have the facts noted though in case they are needed - including names of those who have witnessed the behaviour when it is public.

I would also question whether in fact you should be aiming to stay in the house with the children as my concern would be that if she has previously lost reason to the extent of getting violent with friends, I'd be worried about the children's safety if you left and she remained their with them. Absolutely not trying to scare you as I'm sure this sort of thing has already crossed your mind, but I think it would be worth you speaking to someone (one of the charities mentioned perhaps) about what steps you can take to ensure that you and the children can remain in the family home. Ultimately you are trying to do the right thing to ensure your family's financial stability - don't forget that will you.

It's a tricky situation I appreciate as if you do go the divorce route it will need solicitors to sort it out (please don't be fooled into thinking you can doy it - not with a complex financial picture and children involved) and of course that also comes with a bill attached - but I agree with others that you can't carry on as you are with threats and the risk of physical harm. There are people who can help you work through your next steps though - please make sure you seek help from them.

I wonder if it occurs to her that making you actively dislike her like this is really not a good way of keeping her meal ticket going?

elsien

Please can I add a small caveat to the advice given so far. None of us are in your shoes, we may have opinions but at the end of the day it's not our life.

I would hate to think that you might ever feel you can't post here because you're not ready to think about a possible end to your relationship, or whatever else it is that people are suggesting that you don't think is right for you at the time.

We're here either way. Just thought it was important to say that.