Moving on with things

alt80

Thanks all, after an OK start I had a !!!!!! horrific mid-morning, really dark thoughts after a particularly difficult session with the pros. Put me back for the whole day. Tomorrow is a new one, eh.

@Cherryfudge I find it hard to accept things taking time but I think you are right re my sleep / tiredness etc. 

I think parts of Greece are Blue Zones as well as Sardinia and iirc Japan is. 

Ha, I love my tea / coffee / sweet treats and good vibes; possibly missed my calling, I reckon I could have started a good cafe chain had I not spent the past 20+ years tied up in property.

@mark55man I haven’t read the book, it’s my sister who has and she seemed to interpret it as slow photography, thinking about the settings etc. Anyhow, whilst it may have not been right it stopped me from telling the bloke who was showing me around to stop spouting rubbish. Property is full of people who are completely !!!!!! deluded about what they have and sometimes I can’t help myself. Actually focused on taking the photos rather than telling someone what I really thought which isn’t usually the best idea but I often can’t help myself once I’ve lost my temper.

I think you’re right about modern life, things are at a silly pace and since Covid there seems ever increasing checks upon checks for security etc. Idk, the world is !!!!!! tiring these days. 

@mark55man / @RelievedSheff Ha, that’s a very apt line. Also not watched the film for years but remember it being an excellent film too. 30 years old now, wow.

@daisy_1571 sorry to hear you struggle with sleep also, it’s !!!!!! awful. 

You’re 100% right about stimulants. Unfortunately, your body becomes accustomed and basically stops producing as much dopamine in anticipation of the effects of the drug, so you essentially wind up with all the negatives but having trained your brain to feel it needs the drug. Other stimulants will do the same kind of thing to a lesser extent in the case of caffeine etc. Caffeine is related to adenosine so there’s no high but it affects alertness / sleepiness etc.

alt80

Somehow managed a full week with significantly better sleep. Kept to the caffeine reduction and had another acupuncture session. I would like to start turning the sleep time back to wake earlier but going to just stick with things as they are for a bit longer.

Another Friday and not too long until I send the next payment. Idk still have mixed feelings about the whole situation, don’t get me wrong I am pleased to no longer have a load of money owing to a load of banks but I do think certainly my lifestyle has massively suffered less so my wife’s and son’s which is what matters I know. 

mark55man

Jam tomorrow alt its all jam tomorrow (just not now) - even a few years from now you will look back over the last 5-10 years both with contentment that you have killed the debt (and other monsters) but also with a renewed appreciation of what you enjoy doing and significant resources to do it without feeling blue.  Personally, I would like to go back and give my 10/20/30 year younger self a !!!!! good talking to - but also a pat on the back for turning it around when it was getting stupid

stymied

Which bit of your lifestyle would you like back @alt80?

Sarahwithlove

I'd change your bed time and wake time by 30 mins at a time so your body adjusts naturally now it seems to be in a better routine 

alt80

@mark55man I hope you’re right mate, it would be nice to think that is where I could get to. As for looking back, yeah, you’re not the only one ha. 

@stymied seems a bit dumb reading it back but I miss spending without even thinking about it, buying nice things for myself tbh I know I shouldn’t think like that but I do. Miss going out, also know that’s looking at it in a better light than I should but I do sometimes miss having a social life. Miss having confidence. 

@Sarahwithlove you are 100% right. That’s my plan if my sleep remains consistent for the coming 2-3 weeks. I want to see a bit of consistency first, even if I see how things are until mid-September before I start shifting my sleep / wake times.

alt80

Had a lovely break with my family, back to reality today, though. I love spending time with my family when I can let go of all the things that I have been struggling with for these past few years and not fill my whole day with work and the house. Which causes my wife and I to fall out as she finds me not really engaging difficult. I hate the idea that I am not providing enough for my wife and son but I can’t stop the thoughts and prior to going away I was missing the days of spending money on myself too. Just ups the pressure I put on myself and I wish that I didn’t care about it and saw some value in myself other than my ability or what sometimes feels like a lack thereof to generate income.

Cherryfudge

Good to hear you had a good break with your family. And I know 'back to reality' is just a phrase - but the time away is reality too.  

If you think of time spent with family as a commodity, just as money is, it's another way of investing for them. It's also time-limited, so you've spent the time with them and that's an investment nothing can take away.

RelievedSheff

Glad you had a nice break and so good to hear that you are finding some sort of sleep routine. Keep up the hard work.

ladyholly

You have come a long way in a fairly short time. Its not that long ago that you wouldnt have considered spending time with your family as something to be enjoyed and remembered as a good time. Keep plodding on and remember you are on a journey not running a sprint. Whether you see it or not the people on here can see the change in you. Yes you have bad times but find me someone who doesnt and you know you have the tool to help them pass.