Moving on with things

ladyholly

Glad you had a great day. I will just repeat something that has been said before. On the whole your son wont remember the things you bought him or didnt buy him but he will remember the good days when he went somewhere like motorcross with his Mum and Dad. Make the memories with him both for him and for you because as you get older these memories will become important to you both

Cherryfudge

alt80 said:

Motocross day was epic, we had a !!!!!! brilliant time 100% going back. Son is asking for a bike now of course, ha. I did wonder how my wife would get on but she loved it. She's very steady driving on the roads, constantly watching out for idiots, safe but a very defensive driver. My son has said she's good when they go karting which I didn't really believe as I thought she'd be slow tbh but I can believe it now seen another side to her, ha. My Mrs is right, I need to work on the stuff the pros want me to work on to enjoy more days like yesterday and idk maybe right about having more of a life post debt, more stuff we can enjoy together, make the most of life rather than wholly planning for when I'm gone idk. 

The Motocross sounds great and you're right - days like this are something you can give your wife and son that will be remembered for a long time. If they were to be left without you, give them the memories as well as the money.  

Great to hear you sounding upbeat by the way. Not so long since you were going through the mill, but remember what @Iamouttheotherside says about it being part of the process: the bad times don't last forever.

FootyFanDan

It sounds like everyone had a great time at motorcross, and the fact you all got to share this as a family is the most important part. I think these are the events/moments that you should take pride in and see that your wife/son are so much more happier with you with them than they would be without you. I totally understand wanting to secure them financially and wanting to protect them in the event you are no longer here, but you shouldn't let that prevent you from providing them joy with you in the present. 

I truly think you have come so far and have so much to be proud of, even though I know you will always doubt that, keep going mate you have achieved so much to be where you are. I see no reason why a debt free life can't provide some of the things you and the wife crave now, whilst also setting yourselves up financially in the future.

alt80

Thanks all. Trying to get an early night so apologies for not replying properly. Things have been more difficult over Sunday and today, I have not been as distracted with full on days and I've had to deal with the negative thoughts. The thoughts I have about myself sometimes I cannot find a more positive voice in my head to counter them. I have managed to do this again. The pros tell me I hold myself to impossible standards and tbf that's what I say to people I am close to when they are beating themselves up over their mistakes or shortcomings - we all have them, I know this. It is very difficult to overcome for yourself, though. 

Almost at the time of the month to send another payment towards clearing the last balance. I don't know where July has gone. Unfortunately, that feeling of not quite knowing what has happened to the weeks and months is worse when I am really struggling with my mental health.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Motocross day was epic, we had a !!!!!! brilliant time 100% going back. Son is asking for a bike now of course, ha. I did wonder how my wife would get on but she loved it. She's very steady driving on the roads, constantly watching out for idiots, safe but a very defensive driver. My son has said she's good when they go karting which I didn't really believe as I thought she'd be slow tbh but I can believe it now seen another side to her, ha. My Mrs is right, I need to work on the stuff the pros want me to work on to enjoy more days like yesterday and idk maybe right about having more of a life post debt, more stuff we can enjoy together, make the most of life rather than wholly planning for when I'm gone idk. Unfortunately I can get lost in obsessive and negative thoughts that tbh make me want to give up on life. Had a more relaxed day today than yesterday but it's still been nice, just been out walking with my wife, son and dog. I have spent an hour on work stuff but set a timer as I was determined to only spend an hour on it. 

@RelievedSheff Idk mate, I'll see if my wife is up for it and if so will have a look. I don't have any idea what sort of motorhome we would need and I don't think you can drive them all on a car licence can you? 

I would love to also go to the Scottish isles one day too.

@Lonelygambler thank you mate.

You've just made me have a look, ha. New i4 M50 looks well tbf. I like a fast BMW, had quite a few over the years.

Glad you enjoyed the motorcross. Sounds like a fun day out.

You can only drive a van up to 3.5t without a C1 on your licence. Ours comes in just under so is fine for a car licence. There are plenty of family vans with a 3.5t limit available to hire.

The other half's brother hired a van much bigger than ours last year for one of the festivals we went too. That had a 3.5t limit so it could be driven on a car licence but it was a good 1.5m longer than our van and set up for a family with the big over cab bed and then a nice big bed at the back.

We want to do the Isles as well at some point but we have become a bit distracted with Europe at the minute. We will do it one day though.

Lonelygambler

Hey, 

How are you feeling today? 

What’s been a positive for you? 

LG

alt80

@RelievedSheff It was brilliant, we all really enjoyed it 100% recommended. My wife has booked it again already despite her being absolutely covered in insect bites.

I don't have C1 - that was removed the year before I turned 17 and well before my wife did so neither of us can drive a 7.5T van / lorry. Probably a good !!!!!! job - we are both quite !!!!!! at parking these days, you definitely get used to being lazy with 360 camera etc that our cars have now. Will have a word with my wife and a look into it - she is a lot more open to different experiences these days; covid and therapy has given her a 'you get one life' attitude. I just wish I could give her everything no limits. Treatment for my !!!!!! panic and anxiety outside built up areas is working well, unfortunately now it's started the !!!!!! wanting to spend money on visiting new places off which is only making my wife be more persuasive about the plans once we are free of the card balance.  

Part of me wishes I could explore Europe more. When my parents left the UK they interrailed all over Europe for the best part of a year before six months island hopping around Greece and finding somewhere to settle. I was never interested in anything but my business before getting into recovery idk what's up with me these days, I have days I think I'd love to do something like that with my wife. Not the living abroad with !!!!!! all money thing but the travel side. 

@Lonelygambler Hi mate, hope things are going well for you? Not had the best day, not been the worse. Probably the biggest positive was meeting a couple of deadlines it would have been easy to delay.

RelievedSheff

We missed out on years of exploring new countries when we had the boat. It cost us so much to keep that we justified it's cost by using it for every holiday. Don't get me wrong, we loved every minute of owning it and saw some sights you could never see without a boat but it did restrict us somewhat.

We are loving the freedom that the van has given us to explore not only this country but in other countries as well. It is a great way to see new countries.

We would love to go on longer trips but at the moment work dictates that we are limited to 2 weeks at a time, 2.5 weeks at a push. But that won't be forever.

alt80

Im days off sending the money to cut my remaining card balance, not overspent so it's iro of the £2k I know without looking. Tbh its killing me, I've been in a !!!!!! horrible place in my mind this morning. I know that I do not deserve to be ok and to have the income to get this cleared at this rate or to have a good standard of living. I had a bit of a mad moment thinking maybe my wife is right about continuing to take what I do from my business but really that's just me robbing my little family’s future and I have done enough of that over the years.

@RelievedSheff you’ll get there mate. I can see how the van gives you a lot of freedom and also how the boat could be restrictive for you. 

daisy_1571

Couple of choices what anyone does with their money. 

You paying large amounts of money over to some dealer with the product doing you little good and your money going up the chain to help fund someone's possibly fantastic lifestyle and someone else's possibly horrendous lifestyle.   Thats a choice.  That was done for your own self and sounds like it gave little benefit to your family. 

Taking the proper wages you earn by having a viable business (that also gives others gainful employment and earn a steady wage to allow them to live) paying down debts, making your home nice and doing enjoyable, healthy things as a family, showing your son how a decent family works, allowing him to explore interests, build strength, build character and resilience from winning and failing at things.  These are all good things to learn at a young age and will stand him in good stead throughout his life, all things a decent parent will try to instill in offspring.  Thats a choice too.

You've taken both those choices in the last few years.  Which one, looking back on the memories, has given more lasting contentment to the 3 of you?